


Lights Will Guide You Home

by LesboDyke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anti-Bellamy, Anti-Bellarke - Freeform, Bellarke in a Non Con Setting, Broken Clarke, Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Physical Abuse, Savior Lexa, Saviour Lexa, Sexual Abuse, Torture, aftermath of systematic spirit breaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2018-07-24 15:38:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 47,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7513867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesboDyke/pseuds/LesboDyke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon landing, Bellamy realised that in order to establish himself as Leader, he had to deal with Clarke. Killing her would incite a rebellion, so he made a new plan. He'd break her spirit, make her obey and the others would fall in line. A year or so later and they attend a meeting in Polis with Lexa who makes a deal with Chancellor Abby Griffin. Skaikru will be welcomed into the Coalition of Clans, but only if Clarke remains in Polis as an Ambassador for her people.<br/>Able to recognise the signs of abuse, Lexa keeps Clarke safe in Polis and tries to help her come back to herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Agreement

**Author's Note:**

> So no-one spends forever trying to think, title is from Coldplays 'Fix You' and is a slight joke towards Lexa's candle obsession.
> 
> Now onwards:  
> This is NOT a safe fic if you like Bellamy. At all. He is painted as a monster, pure and simple, within this fic. I don't wanna hear you whining about how I've portrayed him, the tags warn you and I'm warning you here.
> 
> This is also a triggerful Fic. I will be doing my very best to be respectful, but there are serious issues being addressed in this fic, so while I hope for some fun and games (I do have some very cute moments planned out!) this will be a heavy fic. You have been warned.
> 
> Those things out of the way, enjoy the pain I bring you~!

Lexa wasn't blind. She wasn't stupid either, and seeing this blonde, stood before her, hunched over and blinking rapidly, Lexa knew what she had to do.

"Yes, we will accept Skaikru into our coalition. But we need an ambassador to stay here. Someone of my choosing." Lexa's voice was firm as she stared down the party before her. The lady Chancellor, the warrior boy and the tiny blonde who looked so terrified of what was going on.

"Of course!" The lady Chancellor agreed instantly. She was smart, Lexa could see that she would do anything to protect her people. She could respect that.

"Her." Lexa motioned it the blonde. "She shall be your emissary and remain here in Polis." She looked to the blonde, attempting to establish eye contact, though that didn't work as she continued to simply stare the ground and fidget.

"Anyone else." The warrior spoke, clearly out of turn if the look on the Chancellor's face was anything to go by.  
"You can have anyone else but if she stays, so do I."

"No deal." Lexa said, easily locking eyes with the warrior, staring him down. He'd just confirmed her suspicions.  
"She stays, alone, or your clan will be an enemy of the coalition and we will have no choice but to deny our protection and allow events to unfold."

"I'll stay..." The voice was quiet and Lexa had to force her face not to soften at such a timid sound.

"Clarke!" The Warrior's tone was scolding, like how someone would speak to a misbehaving small child. The blonde, Clarke, shrank down smaller than before, fidgeting slightly.

"She'll stay." The Chancellor's voice mirrored Lexa's. Firm, authoritative and leaving no room for argument. The Warrior went to protest, but this time it was Lexa who cut him off.

"Wonderful. Chancellor Griffin, we shall brand you as Heda and then you and your party may return to your land, bar your Emissary, who shall remain here." Lexa nodded, motioning to one of her own warriors.  
“Take the Chancellor to be prepared for the branding. We shall perform the ceremony in an hour.” She instructed, standing from her throne and nodding to the Warrior.  
“You have until then to say your goodbyes.” _And if there's a single bruise on her when you leave, I'll tear your hands off myself._ Lexa added on to herself as she stared him down before heading off to her own room.

Removing her cloak, Lexa rolled her shoulders slowly, breathing out a soft sigh. She was doing the right thing. She'd save this girl, Clarke, from the Warrior. She couldn't **stand** people who thought it okay to hurt their comrades. But without proof outside of Clarke's reactions in her throne room, Lexa could do nothing but keep her here in he hopes of protecting her from further pain. Maybe one day she'd get justice for her suffering, but sadly, that wouldn't be today.

The hour went too slowly for Lexa's liking, especially with the knowledge that the blonde was likely being berated and possibly even physically injured, but Lexa endured the best she could.  
And then it was time. Lexa watched from her throne as the Chancellor bravely took the brand on her forearm, barely even wincing as the flesh sizzled from the burn.  
Stepping down and offering out her other arm, Lexa offered the Chancellor a slight smile. She gripped Lexa's upper forearm and the two nodded to each other.

“Welcome to the coalition, Griffin kum Skaikru.” Lexa said formally before stepping back. “I'll arrange for a consignment of warriors to escort you and your young friend back to Arkadia and to remain there to help train your people, should you need it.”

“Thank you.” The Chancellor nodded before turning to Clarke and cupping her face gently, kissing her forehead. “Be good, Clarke. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom.” Clarke whispered and Lexa couldn't help but wonder what 'Mom' meant. She made a mental note to ask Clarke at a later point. And then the Warrior stepped towards Clarke. Turning away, unable to watch, Lexa gave instructions to Indra to gather a small fighting force to escort the newest Heda back to her lands.

Watching her warriors leave with the Chancellor, Lexa turned to Clarke, allowed her face to finally form the look of kindness she had so wanted to give the blonde. She seemed scared. Beyond scared, she seemed terrified. Hunched over and fidgety, like a rabbit right before a predator snatches it up.

“Come.” Lexa said softly, offering a hand out to Clarke. “Allow me to show you to your room, Clarke kum Skaikru.” She watched carefully as Clarke eyed her hand before nodding and taking it gently. What shocked Lexa, however, was the fact that Clarke laced her fingers with the commanders, rather than simply holding her hand to allow herself to be lead.  
“Things are different in Polis than I imagine them to be in Arkadia.” Lexa said as she began to walk, finding she rather enjoyed the grip that Clarke had on her hand. “There is no violence within the city limits, other than official tournaments, and people may walk the streets without any fear of those around them.” She wanted to make these points clear to Clarke. She didn't have to be afraid here.

Leading her back into the tower, Lexa continued to talk about her home. “Your room shall be next to mine and if you ever encounter a problem within Polis, you are more than welcome to request my assistance.” An offer Lexa had never offered any of her other ambassadors, not that they tended to live in Polis year round. But Clarke was different. Having seen this behaviour before, from her most promising Nightblood, Lexa couldn't allow Clarke to remain in an environment of fear and would do all she could to protect her.  
“Now, only the warriors speak your tongue, so until you have mastered the basics of our language, I must suggest you don't leave the Tower without an escort of some kind, simply to avoid confusion. However, if this idea does not appeal to you, you are more than welcome to disregard it.” It was all about choice. About returning power. Glancing to Clarke, Lexa registered the look of confusion on her face.  
“Do you have a question?” She asked, hoping to hear Clarke speak again. She seemed to consider it, before shaking her head and looking to the floor again. Lexa bit back a sigh. One step at a time.

They came to a halt outside of Clarke's room, Lexa pausing to allow Clarke to draw level before speaking again.  
“This is your room. There is a bathroom inside, along with a fireplace. No one shall enter without your permission, although I advise you allow the cleaning staff access.” A slight smile graced Lexa's face at her own joke, although Clarke simply eyed the door warily.

“It's mine?” Again her voice was quiet, and had Lexa not been stood directly next to her, she'd have had to strain in order to hear it.

“Yes. It's yours.”

“Private?” Lexa's heart jumped as Clarke spoke again.

“Yes. No one shall enter without permission.” She'd repeat herself as many times as needed in order to bring some comfort.

“Not even you?”

“Not even me.” Clarke nodded, as if considering the sentences very carefully. Slowly, she unpeeled her hand from Lexa's and reached for the doorhandle. Twisting it, she pushed it open and stepped inside the room, shutting the door behind her. Lexa held in a soft chuckle.

“Goodnight, Clarke kum Skaikru.” She called through the door. Waiting a moment and receiving no reply, Lexa turned and headed for her own bedroom. It would be an uphill battle, even more so than with Aden, but Lexa was determined. She **would** undo the damage done to poor Clarke.

 


	2. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes Clarke up for breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While most of these chapters will be following Lexa, for storyline purposes, a few will switch to Clarke, and this is one of them!  
> Hope you enjoy!

“Goodnight, Clarke kum Skaikru.” Clarke's eyes widened at the words through the door and footsteps that followed moments later. The Commander was actually sticking to her word. She'd left.

Which was a problem.

Glancing around the room, Clarke bit her lip. She didn't know how to make a fire, Bellamy had always done that and she was clueless. Although part of her desperately wanted to bathe, to soothe her sore muscles and bruises, the rest of her didn't much fancy fighting with a new method of plumbing that no one had explained to her. After all, what might happen if she broke something?

Her attention shifted to the bed. There was a bed. And no one else here. So, in theory, she could sleep on the bed. But... well, she wasn't allowed to sleep on beds. Not unless something was going to happen, and there was no one here for anything to happen with, so she couldn't sleep in the bed. It wasn't worth the risk. If Bellamy found out... A shudder ran through Clarke and the decision was made. No bed.  
She gathered the blankets from the bed, however. There was no one in need of them, and carefully constructed herself a nest in the corner. The sun had already gone down, and with the absence of a fire, Clarke was struggling to see as she finished off her sleeping area. But as she settled down, it didn't seem to matter much. It was comfier than many of the places she'd slept, so it would do. Closing her eyes, Clarke allowed a soft sense of relief to wash over. She was, for at least tonight and hopefully longer, free.

A knock on the door jerked Clarke from her sleep and she bit her lip to keep herself silent.

“Clarke? Clarke kum Skaikru, are you awake?” It was the Commander again. Clarke made a note that she needed to learn her name if she was going to stay here forever.

“I'm awake!” Clarke felt pride that her voice didn't shake as she called back through the door. She stood, smoothing down her clothes and quickly setting her blankets back on the bed.

“Would you be interested in accompanying me for a meal?” Food did sound good. She hadn't eaten the day before. Bellamy was annoyed with her, and with her mom around he hadn't been able to punish her in any other way. Her stomach snarled viciously and Clarke opened the door to her room, offering the Commander the best smile she could manage. She looked much softer without her make up and her armour and trailing cloak.  
“Did you not light a fire?” A frown creased the Commanders forehead and it was then that Clarke noticed the temperature difference between her room and the hallway. She shrugged, not wanting to admit that she hadn't been able to.  
“Can the cleaners enter your room?” Clarke bit her lip. Maybe they'd be able to light the fire. She nodded softly.

“Yes.” The Commanders face lit up in a bright smile as she nodded.

“That's wonderful. Leave the door slightly open so they'll know to go in.” She explained before offering her hand to Clarke once more. Clarke once again took it, lacing her fingers through the Commanders again. It was a deliberate move. Bellamy never held her hand like this, he said it made his hand sweaty and he hated it. It was comfort, a distinct difference between the two of them.

“What's your name?” Clarke asked after a moment of silence. She needed to know. There was a chance that it had already been said, but Clarke didn't know, she couldn't remember.

“My name? Lexa kum Trikru.” Clarke knew Lexa was looking at her, but she kept her own eyes trained downwards.

“Kum Trikru? What does that mean? You say something kinda the same about me and my Mom?” Clarke asked, her curiosity over-powering her shyness for a moment. She'd read books about other languages on the Ark, but no one really spoke them anymore. Everyone just spoke English.

“I'm not sure of the direct translation. But you are Skaikru, you came from the sky, as does Chancellor Griffin. I am Trikru, I come from the forest.” Lexa explained and Clarke nodded, filing away the information gleefully.

“Do you have a surname?” Was Clarke's next question. She still loved to learn, she wanted to know everything she could.

“What is a... sur-name?” Lexa asked, slowly sounding out the word as if it was unfamiliar. Clarke finally looked up at Lexa, smiling slightly.

“A family name. Mine is Griffin. Clarke Griffin.” She explained, watching as Lexa frowned again, clearly thinking through it.

“What is the Chancellor's sur-name?”

“Griffin, same as mine. She's my Mom.”

“What is a mom?” Lexa asked and Clarke bit her lip. Do people on the Ground not know their parents?

“She's... the woman who gave birth to me.” Clarke settled on after a moment of struggling through phrasing. Lexa nodded slowly.

“Then what is her actual name?”

“Abby. Abby Griffin.” Lexa nodded again as Clarke smiled slightly. Breaking barriers.

“So you are Clarke Griffin kum Skaikru?” Clarke chuckled softly, biting her bottom lip to try and quiet the noise.

“That's a bit long winded. Perhaps we could just go with Clarke?” Clarke suggested hopefully. Lexa smiled at Clarke.

“I can agree to that. And unless we're in an official situation, you are welcome to call me Lexa.”

“Thank you... Lexa.” Clarke nodded, the wall steadily coming back up as she moved her eyes back down to the ground. She'd probably said too much. She'd probably frustrated Lexa or annoyed her. She had a big mouth, talked too much. It was pity, the reason Lexa hadn't hurt her. Pity, like everyone else.

“Are you hungry?” Lexa asked after a moment of silence. Before Clarke could answer, her stomach let out a vicious snarl.  
“That answers that question.” Lexa chuckled softly. Clarke's face burned. It was her own fault she was hungry, there was the pity again.  
“There's going to be a lot of people in here, Clarke.” Lexa warned softly, stopping outside of a set of double doors. “Everyone who lives in the tower eats in here. None of them are going to hurt you, you can stay close to me, but there are going to be a lot of people.” Clarke's stomach curled in on itself, but she nodded. She could handle this. Large groups weren't too bad.

“I'll be okay.” She promised Lexa, sucking in a calming breath as she pushed the door open.

 


	3. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really pleased with this chapter. I got struck by writers block about two sentences in -_- But I pushed forward so you've got something, at least!  
> And hopefully, with that out of the way, the rest will go much smoother. (Hah, not bloody likely!)  
> Also fixed an issue with Trigedasleng where I put 'kum' instead of 'kom'. I'll eventually go fix it in the earlier chapters, but I am lazy.  
> It's currently HORRIFICALLY short but that's because I just wanted it posted and out of the way, so sorry on that point too!  
> Now without further ado~!

Lexa kept a close eye on Clarke as she pushed open the door to the communal dining area. Used to people coming and going as they pleased, barely anyone looked up as they entered the room. Lexa was fairly certain she felt Clarke's grip on her hand tighten as they moved through the rows of tables towards the Commanders table.

“What are you hungry for, Clarke?” Lexa asked softly as she guided her into her seat and finally released her hand, her focus entirely on the blonde. Clarke shrugged, chewing on her bottom lip.

“Whatever you don't want...” She mumbled and Lexa frowned. She sat next to Clarke, turning to face her.

“That's not how this works, Clarke. You get your own food. Why don't I get you the same plate as me and you can pick and choose, does that sound okay?” Clarke nodded, although Lexa had a feeling that Clarke would currently have agreed to anything she suggested. Standing, Lexa headed off to grab plates from the pots that hung over the small fires, though she glanced back at Clarke often, unsurprised to see the blonde hunched small and nervous.

She was quick, in gathering their food. Simple things, a crust of bread each, some soft cheese from the goats, a small amount of the stew and a piece of fruit. Lexa highly doubted that Clarke would manage to eat all of it, but she’d much rather set it in front of the blonde than give her less than she needed. What was left would be dealt with.

“Here.” Lexa set the plate in front of Clarke with a slight smile, re-taking her seat. She watched as Clarke eyed the food as if it was going to eat her, rather than the other way around.  
“Eat as much as you like. There’s plenty to go around.” Again Lexa internally cursed the man who had done this to Clarke. Deciding to lead by example, however, Lexa turned her attention to her own plate, beginning to eat in the hopes that Clarke would follow. There were a few moments where she panicked, thinking that it wasn’t going to work, but then Clarke shakily lifted the spoon and began to eat the stew.

“Heda!” The loud voice was then accompanied by a clatter as Clarke dropped her spoon and Lexa cursed inside her head until she saw Aden running up to the head table, eyes bright. So different than the boy that had came to them only two years prior.  
Arranging her face to hide her mild frustration, Lexa smiled as her Nightblood pulled to a halt in front of the table, narrowly avoiding skidding into the furniture.

“Yes, Aden?” She asked, taking much the same tone with him as she did with Clarke. Aden quickly glanced at the blonde, clearly confused by her, before returning his attention to Lexa and grinning brightly.

“Titus said we have a new guest. Is this her? Will she be training with us too, like the people from the other clans do sometimes? Hello, I’m Aden, it’s nice to meet you.” After directing his first few questions to Lexa, he turned to Clarke and introduced himself. Always getting it backwards.  
Clarke didn’t answer him, her eyes wide as she shifted slightly closer to Lexa. Struggling to hide her amusement at Aden’s enthusiasm, Lexa nodded.

“Yes, this is our Guest. Her name is Clarke Griffin kom Skaikru and no, for now she won’t be training with you. And you are meant to introduce yourself **before** you ask questions.” A soft scolding tone laced her words as she attempted to impress the message of **be kind** without having to use the words. Aden hesitated before turning back to Clarke and offering her one of his incredible grins.

“Hello, Clarke Griffin kom Skaikru. I’m Aden kom Trikru. Welcome to Polis.” Lexa watched as Clarke eyed the boy before dipping her head slightly.

“Hello, Aden kom Trikru.” Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the way Clarke seemed to trip, just slightly, over the unfamiliar words. Aden continued to beam, though he quickly turned back to Lexa.

“Titus asked me to deliver a message to you, Heda.” Switching into Trigedasleng, Aden continued. “ _He wishes to discuss your decision to have an Ambassador stay with us permanently. He’s worried about what drove the decision._ ” Lexa went to scold Aden for not speaking English in front of their guest, but when she heard the contents of the message, she was thankful. Clarke didn’t need to feel in any way unwelcome here. She had enough battles ahead of her, without that.

“Thank you, Aden. Please return the message that I shall see Titus at some point today.” Aden nodded, bowing slightly to Lexa and grinning at Clarke before hurrying off again. Lexa sighed to herself as she resumed eating, noticing how Clarke had been picking at her plate the entire time they’d been talking. One step in the right direction on one issue, and an hour or two of arguing with the Flamekeeper over her decisions.

It was going to be a long day.


	4. A Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has a conversation with Titus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually like this chapter~! Huzzah! And there's a nice fluffy moment at the end for all of y'all.

Leaving Clarke alone was a hard decision for Lexa. But Lexa knew she had no choice. The conversation between her and Titus would not be a pleasant one, and she didn’t need Clarke to even guess that the yelling was stemmed from people not wanting her here.

So Lexa had left Clarke in her room, with the assurance that she was free to move around the Capital as she pleased, although she had a distinct feeling that Clarke wouldn’t leave her room. But either way, it would prevent her from overhearing.

She found Titus in the throne room with the Nightbloods. Offering them a greeting, Lexa mentally steeled herself, preparing herself for the extended argument that was due to come. She had her points all mapped out in her head, but she had a feeling that it wouldn’t matter. Titus would re-iterate that to be Commander was to be alone and she shouldn’t let her personal feelings get involved in politics.  
Not that Lexa planned on listening. At all. She wasn’t doing this to not be alone, she was doing this because she wanted to protect the blonde. It seemed to be blondes that had it bad when it came to these things. She glanced at Aden for a second before straightening further.

“Down to the training area and fight.” Titus ordered and the Nightbloods stood, hurrying out of the room. Lexa watched them go with a fond smile. They’d all make great leaders, her Spirit would be spoiled for choice, when the time came.  
Lexa crossed her arms, looking her Flamekeeper up and down slowly. She was prepared for this fight.

“You wished to see me?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow at him as she moved to sit on her throne. A subtle reminder that she was in power wouldn’t do any harm. She was the Commander. Her decisions were final, no matter what Titus thought on the matter.

“Yes, Heda. I wanted to talk to you about the Skaikru Ambassador. You’ve never extended such an offer to any of the other Kru’s. I was wondering...”

“Skaikru is new. They do not know our customs or our ways. While Indra and her force are teaching some of our ways to those in Arkadia, I shall teach the Ambassador. And I shall learn some of their ways and see what can be useful for our people.” Lexa explained, her voice level. She didn’t plan on informing Titus that she was saving poor Clarke from a life of abuse. This was information that no one other than herself needed to know, until Clarke was open to admitting what had gone on.

“Then why not the Warrior? Why the girl, Heda? Surely, in terms of teaching us useful things from their life in the Sky, a warrior would be a better fit than a simple girl.” Lexa tensed at the mention of the Warrior. If he’d have stayed, the coalition would have ended in seconds once she threw him off of the tower. He was lower than scum.

“Because the Warrior is needed in Arkadia. Azgeda is still a threat to them, as are the Mountain Men. They need every fighter they have.” _Not that he is much of a fighter if he picks on defenceless girls like Clarke._ “Clarke Griffin kom Skaikru would not be much missed within the community, she is of more use here than back there.” Lexa could see the look on Titus’ face. It appeared he didn’t believe her. He had every right not to believe her, of course, she was lying right to his face, but it still irritated her that he didn’t believe her.

“Are you certain those are the _only_ reasons, Heda?” Titus asked. Lexa stood, staring him down with her best Commander face.

“You don’t question me, Titus. I am Heda. I have made my decision, regarding the Ambassador. My motives matter none on the issue, when I know it was the right thing to do for my people.” She stepped down until she was level with Titus, meeting his eye firmly.  
“If you truly wish to question my decisions, perhaps you should attempt to let someone else rise to the throne before my death. However if you’ve no plans on doing such a thing, I refuse to speak on this subject any further. And should you bring these feelings up in front of our Ambassador, you shall be out of a job, Flamekeeper. Am I understood?” Titus bowed his head softly.

“Yes, Heda.”

“Good. Now go attend to your duty with the Nightbloods. I have other, far more pressing, issues to deal with.” Another dip of his head and Titus left the Throne Room. Lexa sighed as she slumped back into her Throne, running her fingers through her hair softly. It was silent for a moment before the door creaked open again, revealing Clarke.

“Oh... Lexa. S-Sorry I was just... exploring...” Clarke mumbled, her eyes going wide as Lexa quickly stood, offering Clarke a smile.

“That is quite alright, Clarke. What else have you found in the tower?” She questioned, moving towards the blonde carefully. Clarke fidgeted, shuffling carefully before shrugging.

“Nothing... I was trying to find this room again.”

“Ah. Is there anywhere else you’d like to see?” Clarke shook her head, biting her bottom lip softly. Lexa noted her facial expression. Much the same as one she’d seen last night.  
“Do you have a question?” Another long pause before Clarke spoke again, her voice quieter than ever before.

“Can you... can you teach me how to light a fire?” Lexa’s eyes went wide. Was that why her room had been so cold? Gods, she was so stupid. She should have realised that there were things Clarke didn’t know how to do.

“Of course.” Lexa said instantly, offering her hand out to Clarke again with a soft smile.  
“Would you like to learn in your room or mine?” She asked as Clarke tangled their fingers together again, gripping her gently.

“Mine?”

“Wonderful. Would you like to lead the way and see if you can find your way back?” Clarke nodded and Lexa smiled as the blonde began to walk through the halls carefully.  
Lexa had to fight the urge to praise and celebrate as they reached Clarke’s doorway. It would be patronising and not the right move.  
“May I enter your room?” She still asked permission as Clarke opened the door.

“Yeah.” Clarke agreed, not releasing Lexa’s hand as they entered her room. Lexa glanced around and noticed the bundle of blankets in the corner. She frowned slightly, but focused her attention to the fire.

“What do you know about starting a fire?” Lexa checked, still not wanting to be patronising. She’d heard the Warrior speaking to Clarke like she was a child and refused to do the same thing.

“It needs heat, fuel and air and... that’s about it.” Lexa sighed softly and nodded. She moved Clarke over to the fireplace and encouraged her to crouch. She gently released Clarke’s hand.

“Okay, to start with...” Lexa talked slowly as she walked Clarke through the steps of lighting a fire, bar the actual lighting of it, before watching as the blonde repeated the actions and struck the flint, starting the spark that quickly cultivated into the soft crackle of a fire.

“I made a fire!” Clarke beamed, bouncing up and spinning excitedly. Lexa grinned as she stood, watching Clarke celebrate.

“Yes you did, Clarke. Now your room shall not be cold again.”

“Thank you, Lexa!” Clarke stopped her celebration and pulled Lexa into a hug, the action surprising the commander, before she slowly wrapped her arms around the blonde in return, keeping it loose to allow Clarke to pull away as she needed.

“You’re welcome, Clarke.”


	5. A Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has a nightmare, Lexa tries to deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT A NICE OR FUN CHAPTER!  
> Seriously guys, nasty angsty chapter!  
> Have fun~!

It had been a few days since Clarke had joined the Grounders at Polis. Lexa had taught her how to light a fire and how to use the bath and she was steadily learning her way around the tower and picking up bits of the language. She was actually starting to enjoy herself, a little.

“Goodnight, Clarke.” They were stood outside of Clarke’s room after a rather exhausting day. Clarke had sat in on an official meeting and although she’d only understood what was said in English, it had still been fascinating.

“Goodnight, Lexa.” Clarke smiled, unlacing her fingers from Lexa’s and heading into her room. The cleaners had made the bed again. She kept dumping the blankets back on the bed, so it was to be expected that everyone assumed.

Quickly lighting a fire, pride blooming in her chest as the soft crackle started up, Clarke then went about making her nest. It had become a nice routine. Lexa would walk her back to her room after the evening meal and they’d say goodnight. And then Clarke would build a fire, then her nest, and settle down to sleep.  
Crawling into the blankets, Clarke allowed herself to relax. It was nice, in Polis. Things were finally starting to feel safe again. Almost like being back on the Ark.

Sleep was washing over her in peaceful waves and Clarke cuddled herself in smaller on her blankets.

With the sensation of falling, Clarke jerked awake, a scream ripping from her throat without any permission from her brain as she scrambled to sit up anxiously, her eyes wide as she attempted to remind herself where she was.  
As the door burst open, Clarke let out another strangled scream of panic, her brain not registering Lexa in the doorway, gripping a spear.

“Clarke!? What’s attacked you!?” She continued on in Trigedeslang. Clarke curled in smaller, starting to shake violently. She was stupid, so stupid and she’d disturbed Lexa’s sleep and no one ever stood for having their sleep interrupted on the ground. She’d be hurt again, she’d be sent back, they’d make Bellamy come ‘take care’ of her again.  
“Clarke?” Lexa was in front of her, suddenly, crouched down low, her face the picture of worry, not that Clarke had registered that. Her face screamed annoyance to Clarke. She drew herself smaller, trying to apologise, although it didn’t really work. She couldn’t force the words out of her mouth. Lexa shifted to sit, setting the spear behind her as she waited for Clarke to calm enough to form words.  
“It is okay, Clarke. Take your time.” Clarke’s chest heaved as she struggled for breath, her vision blurring and blackening at odd occasions as she shook, whimpering weakly on every exhale. She screwed her eyes shut, wanting it all to just stop.

It felt like forever before her breathing came back under control and she slowly opened her eyes again. Lexa was still sat in front of her, her face lined with worry.

“Are you ready to talk now, Clarke? Or would you like to just go back to sleep?” Lexa asked softly. Clarke regarded her anxiously, her breathing still a little ragged. She sat herself up a little straighter, realising she’d basically destroyed her nest.

“Sorry...” Clarke finally forced out, hating how rough her voice sounded.

“What are you sorry for?”

“Waking you up. Being a bother... I’m sorry.” Clarke flinched as Lexa gently rested a hand on her leg.

“You do not have to apologise for that. What woke you up?”

“I don’t really remember...” Clarke admitted, worried that if she didn’t answer, or didn’t answer well enough, the punishment she was still expecting would come down on her hard.

“That’s okay. Did you fall off the bed?” Lexa glanced between the bed and where Clarke was tangled in blankets on the floor. If she had managed to fall, it was an impressive distance.

“No!” Clarke said quickly, shaking her head as fast as she could. “No! I wasn’t on the bed, I didn’t... I wouldn’t... I wasn’t on the bed, I promise!” Her breathing started to come harder again, the whimper and wheeze slipping back in as she started to shake.

“Clarke, Clarke calm down!” Lexa’s own panic rose at Clarke’s extreme response to a simple question.

“I didn’t get on the bed! I promise, I was good, I’ve not been on the bed, I promise! I promise, please, I didn’t, please don’t hurt me!” Clarke was terrified. What if Lexa didn’t believe her? She had a weapon behind her, how much would that hurt if Lexa hit her with it? She should have slept further from the bed, so no one could think that she’d been on it. She should have known better, she was in so much trouble now!

“Clarke, I’m not going to hurt you.” Lexa’s voice was gentle as she spoke, rubbing her hand along Clarke’s leg softly in the hopes that it would help.  
“I promise, no one is going to hurt you. I believe you.”

It was another few, long, minutes before Clarke was able to calm down again. She was still shaking slightly, though when she looked to Lexa again, the Commander was still clearly worried about her.

“No one is going to hurt you.” Lexa repeated quietly, still softly rubbing Clarke’s leg. “I promise.” Clarke nodded weakly, not really believing it but willing to agree with whatever Lexa suggested just to keep herself safe.  
“Do you think you can tell me why you’re not allowed on the bed?”

“Beds aren’t for me... unless it’s time for things... And there’s no one here to do things with so I’m not allowed on the bed.” Lexa was too afraid to ask what ‘things’ were, though she was certain she had a good idea.

“Those aren’t the rules here. You can sleep on the bed, if you want to.” Lexa stood, offering her hand down to Clarke with a hopeful smile. “I will lay with you, if you’d like?” She suggested. Clarke’s eyes went wide as panic flooded her system once more. Lexa wanted to hurt her too, she knew it! There was only one reason to go on beds and Lexa was offering... She’d be hurt if she refused. She’d have to. It was her duty.

“Okay...” Clarke took Lexa’s hand, for once not lacing her fingers with the Commanders. She should have known this would happen eventually. After all, Bellamy had told her over and over that there was no other reason for anyone to want her around. The only thing she was good for was the cunt between her legs. It had been proved to her too. The memory of being tied in the woods and boy after boy after boy using her, not one even trying to save her washed over her. Not even Finn, who’d smiled so kindly when he’d approached, had tried to free her. They’d all done just as Bellamy said they’d do. They’d used her and left her there, not caring what else would happen to her, since they’d gotten what they wanted. Lexa would be the same. Everyone was the same.

Lexa tugged her onto the bed and Clarke swallowed thickly. She couldn’t cry. They were just rougher when she cried.

“Lay down.” Lexa encouraged gently and Clarke was quick to comply, laying flat on her back and squeezing her eyes shut, waiting for it to start. She felt the bed dip as Lexa lay next to her, curling on her side and facing Clarke.  
“That cannot be a comfortable position.” Lexa said softly and Clarke jerked. Was this a game? What should she do? Would she be hurt if she moved? Or would she be hurt if she _didn’t_ move? She didn’t know what to do.  
“Is that really how you sleep?” She asked and Clarke decided to take a risk. She moved, curling on her side, facing Lexa. It wasn’t the side she normally slept on, but she didn’t want to put her back to Lexa. Even if she couldn’t stop what was happening, she liked to be aware of it, at least. Lexa offered her a soft smile before closing her eyes, one hand resting on Clarke’s side. Clarke remained tense, her eyes open as she waited for that hand to move. But it didn’t move, and Lexa’s breathing slowly evened out into what Clarke recognised as sleep. She’d be in trouble if she stayed in the bed, though. They hadn’t done anything, so Clarke hadn’t earned the right to sleep in the bed.

She was careful as she slid out from under Lexa’s hand and hurried back to her nest, curling under her blankets and closing her eyes, finally. She could see the sunlight starting to peak through the drapes, but she ignored it. Exhaustion was heavy on her shoulders as she finally slipped into a blissful, dreamless sleep.


	6. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes up after her night with Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Guys I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get this up and I'm super extra sorry that this chapter is just so short! Writers block is a bitch, but I've got the next chapter planned out and that one should HOPEFULLY be longer!
> 
> Really really sorry and thanks for everyone who's stuck around!

Lexa awoke alone. Normally, that wasn’t a strange thing for her. After Costia, she always awoke alone. But this time Lexa was certain that she hadn’t gone to sleep alone. They hadn’t exactly been cuddling, but she and Clarke had at least been in the same bed. But now she was alone.

Sitting up and twisting, Lexa quickly located the blonde, curled in an impossibly small ball, back in the blankets on the floor. Lexa sighed, running her fingers through her hair softly. She was working blind here. The only experience she had with this was with Aden, and he’d been such a little boy that bar a few long standing problems, everything had been sorted within a few weeks. But she already knew it wouldn’t be that easy with Clarke. Lexa was beginning to doubt that she could help her at all.

Lexa took a minute to consider her options. She could wake Clarke up and possibly disturb the first peaceful sleep the girl had gotten in a few days (after all, Lexa wasn’t sure if she’d had more than just the one nightmare). She could slip back into her own room, wash and dress and return, but if Clarke awoke in the meantime, it could be viewed as abandonment. Or she could feign sleep and wait until Clarke awoke and see how the blonde acted.

Before she had chance to make a decision, Clarke shifted and opened her eyes, stretching out and yawning softly. Lexa bit her lip and simply waited for a response to her presence, deciding that inaction was likely her best option for now.

She watched as Clarke shuddered her way through an impressive stretch, before curling back in small and letting out another yawn. Did she remember what had happened or was she still half asleep. The body under the blankets stiffened and rolled, her eyes meeting Lexa’s as she shrank smaller. She remembered.

“Good morning, Clarke.” Lexa greeted, offering her a soft smile. She got nothing but wide eyes in response and her heart sank. Had something else happened while she was asleep? Why was Clarke looking at her like she was a monster?  
“Would you like to go and get some breakfast?” Lexa asked softly, not knowing what else she could ask that wouldn’t scare Clarke further. She watched carefully, worry bubbling up further as Clarke shook her head softly.  
“Okay... I have meetings I must attend today, will you be all right on your own?” Lexa asked, having no idea what else she could do. She didn’t feel that leaving Clarke alone was the wisest of plans, but also the thought of putting a volatile and clearly frightened Sky person in a room with her ambassadors (who were all still wary of Skaikru) made her stomach shrivel with panic.

She received a soft nod in response from Clarke and had to bite back the sigh of relief. At least she was giving some kind of communication. Lexa thought quickly as she shifted to stand from the bed.

“Would you like me to have your breakfast delivered here?” She asked, standing properly from the bed, making sure it was on the opposite side to where Clarke was curled on the floor. Clarke shook her head and Lexa this time had to bite back a sigh of worry. She reasoned that one day wasn’t going to hurt, but if it continued past there, she’d have to get insistent.  
“If you change your mind, the meal room is open all day, and there’s always some food in there.” Lexa assured Clarke. She’d never been worried about leaving the blonde alone before now, especially since they’d built up enough of a relationship where Clarke would actually come and find her if something happened. But now, Lexa was almost certain that that wouldn’t be happening anymore. Which meant leaving Clarke alone suddenly felt a lot scarier.  
“And... you know where I am if you need me.” Not knowing what else she could do, Lexa moved towards the door, unreasonably hoping that Clarke would call out and stop her, to talk to her and tell her how she was feeling and all the things that were going on in her head. But she didn’t, and Lexa shut the door behind her.


	7. The (first) Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has a breakdown and Aden tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is much longer than the previous chapter, I'm still REAL sorry about that!  
> But have bonus, cutiepie Aden!
> 
> BIG THANKS TO Jpuff20 WHO CAUGHT MY FUCKED UP SPELLING MISTAKES!  
> Please note, don't write fic when tired, kids. You'll cock up your spelling and get corrected by kind strangers!

Clarke waited for an hour before moving. The fire had burned down till even the embers weren’t glowing anymore and there had been no sounds that would indicate Lexa returning. She was safe to move again.

Gently uncurling, Clarke bit her lip as pain washed over her, her muscles protesting the way that they’d been twisted and cramped together unnaturally since she’d awoken. But it was the safest position she’d ever found. It protected everything that needed protecting. Her hands protected her head, her legs and lower arms protected her stomach and chest. So if anyone wanted to swing at her, nothing would get hurt. It just hurt to curl into that position for too long.

Her stomach grumbled at her. It was strange, she’d been getting used to eating properly again, but now she was too afraid to go to the canteen to eat. Lexa was probably angry with her for being so stubborn and stupid. It was for the best if she just stayed out of her way, give her time to calm down. Better that than bruises. After all, just because she hadn’t yet, didn’t mean she wasn’t going to.

And that meant getting out of this room. She would be easy to find in here, and easy to find meant an easy target.

Clarke was careful as she pulled on her boots and headed for the door. She didn’t have guards any more, which was a blessing. It would be easier to slip away without being caught when there were no guards.

It wasn’t long until Clarke found herself wandering around Polis. It was a nice day and in another life, Clarke was certain she’d enjoy just seeing the city, but this was the life she was stuck with, so instead she was fearful, glaring at every shadow and jumping at every sudden noise.

Her stomach grumbled at her again, but Clarke ignored it. She could get used to hunger pains again. It hadn’t taken her that long initially, it wouldn’t take her long to get used to it again.

Clarke glanced around slowly, frowning slightly. She’d managed to get away from the busy market place and was surrounded by ruins. It was quiet, and although it was faded, Clarke could see the patterns that had likely once been a Mural. She wasn’t sure how she’d managed to get there, but she was glad she found this place.

She settled with her back to a blank wall and stared at the faded artwork. It was pretty, lots of blue, which was probably the sky. And some green at the bottom, likely grass. And some splotches of long since faded bright colours. Clarke was relatively certain they’d once been birds. But they didn’t look professional.

Twisting, Clarke took in what was around her better. Twisted bits of Metal that was rusted and worn. She glanced at the wall she was leaning on and realised that it was part of a building once. All of a sudden, she realised. This had likely once been a school. A place of learning for children. A place of safety and books and teachers that smiled. Like the Ark had once been.

At the thought of her home, of the last place where she’d been truly safe, tears pricked at Clarke’s eyes. She hadn’t cried since landing, other than tears of pain. But in this moment, thinking of the kids that had gone to school here, and thinking of her home up in the sky, Clarke couldn’t help herself.

She shifted, burying her face in her knees as the tears truly started to flow, her shoulders shaking. It felt like a dam breaking and Clarke couldn’t breathe as she sobbed, curling in tighter to herself.

~~~

Aden had been following Clarke. Heda hadn’t asked him too, but they’d all heard the Skaikru Ambassador screaming the night before, and Heda had come to breakfast looking exhausted and upset, so it hadn’t been difficult for him to figure out that it was something to do with Clarke Kom Skaikru.

So when he’d seen her stumbling out of the tower, looking like she was being chased, he’d followed her. She’d moved through the market like a woman possessed and had headed out to the ruins where the children sometimes played. There’d be no one there now, however. That was an evening place to play. During the day, everyone was busy with training or work or helping their parents.

He watched as she stared at the coloured wall. He’d never really noticed it before, whenever he’d come here, his focus had been with climbing or chasing or any number of other activities. But Clarke had stared at it as if it truly meant something. And now that he looked at it properly, it did seem to form a true picture, rather than just the colour like he’d originally thought.

Aden had been so busy trying to figure out what the coloured wall could possibly mean to Clarke that he hadn’t noticed her breakdown until the sound of her sobs reached his ears. He jolted in panic, staring at her with wide eyes. He had to help her! Someone had always come to help him when he’d cried. He didn’t cry any more, of course, but when he had, someone had always made him feel better.

Gifts! Gifts were helpful to stop people crying, and she’d been staring at the coloured wall. Titus had some things kept from the old humans, the ones that had been here before the fire had come, and one of them, he knew, made coloured marks on skin and other things. But not permanent ones like the kill marks. These ones came off with a wash. Maybe Clarke would like that? She could make her own coloured things and stop crying!

“ _Don’t move!_ ” He whispered in Trigedasleng before hurrying back towards the tower, thankful that Titus would be in the meeting with Heda, so he could easily pilfer the colour stick.

His feet made slapping noises as he hurried back towards the playing area. But he suddenly skidded to a halt, realising something else. He hadn’t seen Clarke at breakfast, only Heda. There was a good chance that she hadn’t eaten. He twisted and practically dove into the communal eating area, snatching up one of the bread rolls, along with a piece of fruit that he’d seen her enjoying. Offering a smile to the server, Aden quickly hurried out again.

He reached the playing area and although it upset him to see that Clarke was still crying, at least it meant she hadn’t left.

“Clarke kom Skaikru?” He watched as she jolted, nearly tumbling sideways as she looked up at him.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to panic you.” He hesitated before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the colour stick, holding it out to her with a smile.  
“I brought you this. Since you kept staring at the colour wall. It’s a stick, but it makes colour on things. Titus showed me, see?” He pulled off the end of the stick and swiped the tip over himself, leaving a blue mark on his skin.  
“I thought you’d like it.” He pushed the end back on and held it out to her again with a bright smile. Though that dropped quickly when Clarke let out a soft hiccup closely followed by a loud sob.  
“I’m sorry!” He said quickly, taking a step back. He’d been wrong. The colour stick hadn’t helped at all, it had just made her sadder and he didn’t want to do that!

“Aden...” Clarke sniffled, scrubbing at her eyes. She hadn’t meant to scare him, and although the fact that he’d followed her was worrying, she’d been touched that he’d brought her the felt tip pen.  
“I’m sorry. I-It’s lovely...” She rubbed her eyes again, trying to clear away the tears and the red puffiness that she knew would be taking over her eyes. Aden’s face broke into a beaming grin as he offered it out again. This time, Clarke did take the pen, squeezing it tightly.

“Don’t let Titus see you have it. I had to steal it from him.” Aden admitted, sinking to sit next to Clarke, still grinning at her.  
“Oh! And I brought you some bread, and that fruit that you normally have with your breakfast.” Aden dug them out of his pocket and held them out to Clarke. Clarke let out a weak laugh, keeping the pen gripped tight in one hand as she accepted the food with the other.

“Thank you...” She said quietly, uncurling her legs a little and taking a bite of the bread.

“The other children come here to play a lot. Later in the day. I used to come here to climb. Climbing makes me feel better when I’m sad. I’m the best climber out of all of the other novitiates.” Aden’s chest puffed out with pride as he told this to Clarke. Clarke watched him out of the corner of her eye as she hungrily devoured the bread, trying not to rush. He didn’t seem like much of a threat to her, but she still didn’t feel entirely safe letting her guard down. After all, she’d been wrong before. So very wrong...  
“What does the colour wall mean?” That caught her attention and she turned to look at him before staring back at the Mural.

“I’m not sure. I-It’s a Mural, though. I think. The blue part is the sky, the green is the ground. And I think those parts are supposed to be birds.” Clarke slowly motioned to the bits she was talking about before turning her attention to the apple and biting into it.

“Why?” Aden asked with a frown, glancing at the wall and then back to Clarke.  
“Why would they make something like that? What purpose does it have?”

“It looks nice. It’s supposed to make people happy.”

“You weren’t happy.” Clarke laughed weakly, glancing down at Aden.

“That wasn’t to do with the Mural.”

“Oh. Was there a reason, or were you just sad? Because that happens sometimes. Heda says that when you’re just sad, it’s okay. So long as you try and talk to people that care about you. Wasn’t it like that in the Sky?” Clarke thought about her Mom. Before coming to the ground, she felt like she could tell her Mom anything. But now... the thought of telling her Mom about everything scared her. After all, Bellamy had made it clear. Her Mom didn’t love her, if she was willing to send her down to die. He was the only one who actually cared about her. That’s why he had to punish her. He had to make her good.  
“Clarke Kom Skaikru? Are you about to cry again?”

“Huh? No, sorry, Aden.” Clarke shook her head. She had to do her best to focus on the conversation. She couldn’t give anything away.  
“I got lost in thought.” Aden nodded sagely, suddenly looking far too wise for his too few years.

“I used to do that. Heda said it’s good to talk about what you’re thinking about. What were you thinking about?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Clarke shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about that with anyone, but least of all a child.  
“So how high can you climb?” She asked, trying to change the subject.

“Really high!”

“Can you show me?”

“Sure!” Aden beamed and jolted to his feet like a current had run through him and he hurried past the Mural to the tree and began to climb. Clarke watched him with a smile. Even if she didn’t entirely trust him yet, she had to admit he was kinda cute.


	8. Where Have you Been?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally sees Clarke again, after two weeks apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I'M SO SO SORRY!  
> I'll put my big rambling excuse in the bottom notes, so that if you don't really care, you don't have to read it!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Concern filled Lexa’s gut. She’d not seen Clarke in nearly two weeks and she was starting to get truly worried. Aden had assured her that Clarke was okay. He saw her every day, and he’d promised Lexa that if anything seemed to go wrong, he’d tell her.

She’d knocked on Clarke’s door at least once a day, but had never gotten an answer. Even when she knew that Clarke was in there. But she’d made a promise, that she’d never enter Clarke’s room without permission.

Realising that it was unlikely she’d get anything out of Clarke, Lexa decided it was time to take real action. She’d bring back the Chancellor. See if Clarke’s Mother could help.

The Runner had left a week ago and so should be returning with either an answer or the Chancellor any day, which gave Lexa some hope in the matter.

“Heda! Heda _come quickly! Clarke is hurt, she fell!_ ” Aden’s yelling rang out through the tower and Lexa shot to her feet as if a current was running through her.

“ _What happened!?_ ”

“ _I was teaching her to climb and she fell out of the tree, I think her leg is really hurt, she can’t get up and I can’t carry her, I need you to come and help!_ ” Aden was clearly panicked, his eyes wide as he bounced from foot to foot. Lexa nodded and motioned for him to start moving again.

“ _Show me where._ ” She instructed and Aden took off. Lexa had to run to keep up with him, momentarily amazed that someone so small could move so swiftly. He led her through the market and out to some ruins where Clarke was on the floor, her lip bleeding from where her teeth had dug into it and her leg twisted unnaturally in front of her.

“I got help!” Aden called as he skidded to a stop next to Clarke, his hands hovering over her anxiously.  
“She fell from up there!” Aden motioned to a relatively low hanging branch in the tree above them. Lexa nodded as she crouched next to Clarke. She wanted to tell her how good it was to see her, how she was happy that Clarke seemed to be eating and how much she’d been worried that she hadn’t seen her in so long.

“Aden, go and fetch a Healer. The older one, Anika.” Lexa ordered, still hovering over Clarke. Aden nodded and turned heel, running as fast as he could to find the Healer requested.  
“It will be okay, Clarke. We will get you fixed up.” Lexa was doing her best not to say what she was really thinking. Her feelings towards Clarke were not important in this moment, what was important was Clarke’s injuries. Lexa looked her up and down, trying to see whether she was injured anywhere other than her leg and she noticed the shaking.  
“Clarke? Is the pain truly that bad?” She asked. Clarke didn’t answer and Lexa’s panic started to rise a little.  
“Clarke?” Lexa watched as Clarke turned her head away, refusing to even look at the Commander.

They lapsed into silence, Lexa looking over at where Aden would re-appear as often as she felt safe doing, though most of her time her focus remained firmly on Clarke. Clarke hadn’t looked back at her, but was still shaking slightly and Lexa’s worry was mounting. And it was then she heard the soft sniffle.

“Clarke?” The shaking continued, as well as another soft sniffle. Lexa hesitated, before feeling like she had no choice, gently turning Clarke’s head. There were tear tracks through the dust that marked Clarke’s face and the blonde was clearly trying so hard not to cry.  
“Clarke...” Lexa couldn’t think of anything else to say. She had no idea how to comfort Clarke. Hopelessness welled in Lexa’s chest and she could feel her own tears bubbling forth.  
“I’m sorry.” Lexa was careful as she wrapped her arms around Clarke, feeling her shake against her as she held her in a careful hug. She’d expected Clarke to pull away, she’d expected fighting. And if not that, she’d expected Clarke holding herself stiff, like she had that last night they’d spent together, flat on her back. But instead Clarke slumped, as if what little fight she had left had gone out of her. Clarke’s head fit under Lexa’s chin, her hand clutching at Lexa’s shirt as the soft shaking still racked her frame.

Lexa simply held Clarke, managing to hold in her own tears. Lexa hoped, though she was certain it was in vain, that this was the first step forward. That now Clarke would start to open up and they could work towards fixing what was wrong.

Lexa nearly cursed when Aden appeared back with Anika, the two clearly hurrying. It was good that the medical help was here, but it also signalled the end of the closeness between herself and Clarke.  
Anika knelt beside Clarke, and to Lexa’s amazement, Clarke remained curled into her, still sniffling. She was hiding her face from the world in Lexa’s shirt, still shaking slightly.

“Aden told me what happened. Clarke kom Skaikru. My name is Anika, do you think you can tell me what hurts?” Anika was a good healer, she had an incredible way of putting people at ease. Not to mention, she had once been one of their warriors, so she spoke Clarke’s tongue. Clarke shook her head into Lexa’s chest and Anika sighed softly.  
“Okay, can you at least say something if I hurt you?” This time Clarke nodded and Anika smiled before setting to work on Clarke’s leg, carefully straightening it. Lexa made sure to voice every time Clarke’s grip increased and the quiet noises that only she could hear. Anika worked as quick as she could, creating a cast around Clarke’s leg.  
“You’ll need to be on bedrest for a good few weeks with this break. You were lucky it wasn’t worse.” Anika said as she finally pulled away. Lexa nodded, shifting to hook her arms under Clarke’s legs.

“I’ll take her to her room.” She assured Anika with a nod, standing and cradling Clarke close to her chest, not that the blonde was giving her much choice in the matter. Anika stood alongside her, returning the nod softly.

“I will be along shortly with something to ease the pain.” Lexa nodded and started back towards the tower as Anika took off at a faster pace. Clarke was still shaking, although Lexa hadn’t heard any sniffles for a good while, so she hoped that she’d stopped crying.

“Clarke, can I go into your room?” Lexa asked quietly as they reached the hallway. She didn’t have much of a choice, but if Clarke refused her entry, she’d put the ambassador in her own bedroom. Clarke nodded, still not looking up and Lexa breathed out a sigh of relief, Aden hurrying ahead of them and opening the door.

Lexa set Clarke on the bed carefully, aware that the second the blonde touched the mattress she tensed up. Lexa rubbed her back gently, trying to soothe her enough to get her to release.

“You can’t sit on the floor with a broken leg, Clarke. It’s okay, nothing bad is going to happen.” Lexa assured her, aware that Clarke was probably close to more crying. She shot a look at Aden, who quickly hurried away, aware of what she was telling him.  
“I promise you, no one is going to harm you.” She assured her again, slowly working Clarke’s fingers loose and moving back, offering the blonde a sincere smile. Clarke continued to look upset, almost like she wanted to reach out to Lexa again, but she nodded slowly, curling her arms into her chest.  
“Are you hungry?” Lexa asked softly, not knowing what else there was to say. Clarke shook her head, letting out a soft hiccup, still trying to gather herself. Lexa breathed out a soft sigh and got herself comfortable next to Clarke, although she kept her feet on the floor. She didn’t know what else to say, although she wanted to demand to know what had been going on. She knew better, however, and wisely kept her mouth shut, simply listening to Clarke’s breathing, accompanied by the odd hiccup.

“Heda?” A guard spoke from the door, and Clarke jumped, her chin burrowing further into her chest and her arms shook slightly. Lexa stood, turning to face the intruder.

“Yes?”

“The Skaikru Chancellor has arrived and is waiting for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Okay, so rambling excuse as to why everything was so late!  
> I ended up in a fight with my goverment over money I deserve, because of my mental health. This culminated in a court trip (and several hospital trips!) so literally everything other than court preparations came to a complete halt and that became my sole focus. (Good news! I won the case, thank fuck. So now providing the people that are supposed to pay me don't dick me about and appeal the decision, I'm set for 5 years now!)  
> And then my mum got into a car accident (again) and ended up in hospital for a week or so, meaning I had to go and stay an hour away from home to help her out, which, as someone who doesn't like change, was immensely stressful.  
> AND THEN the abusive ex girlfriend decided it was time, after like 2 years, to shoot me a message. I ignored it, but it set me on edge.  
> In addition, the Christmas Season always brings the threat of relapse and the likelihood of serious issues, since I despise the entire season.  
> So all in all, I've been a nice big ball of stress for a good long while.
> 
> But things are finally coming back to normal and I'll (hopefully) be back to updating semi-regularly.


	9. Arriving News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby gets a message that brings her something to panic about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jumping to Abby for the next two chapters. It was initially going to just be the one, but I ended up with so much I wanted to put in that it's been split in two.  
> I would also like to thank my endlessly patient best friend who helped me out with some of the dialogue in this chapter, along with working out some of the logistics that I was feeling fuzzy on. She is an awesome human being who just needs lots of loves.  
> So, to my favourite person in the world, the Doctor Mechanic is totally all for you!
> 
> And to the rest of you, hope you all enjoy the chapter!

“For heavens sake, hold still!” Abby demanded huffily, rolling her eyes. Raven grumbled, but settled still on the bed again.

“If you’d stop poking me with things, I’d be still.” She complained as Abby resumed checking over her favourite patient for further injuries, before she could look over the existing issue. She knew, even though Raven would never tell her, that the mechanic had been pushing herself more than she should have again.

“So have you been taking it easy?” Abby asked, waiting to be lied to as she shifted and pulled Raven’s pants down to examine the small bump she thought she’d felt in Raven’s hip.

“...Not really.” Raven admitted. Abby had to hold in her shock, hoping that Raven would continue in her explanation.  
“I’ve been trying to just delegate tasks but... they’re all just so useless that I end up getting up and doing it myself. But I at least start the day sitting down and delegating!” Raven attempted to defend as Abby sighed, realising that the slight lump was nothing more than a soft swelling, likely from Raven just bumping into something. Nothing serious.

“That’s a little better, I suppose.” Abby sighed, continuing with her examination. Raven hummed, though made no noise of pain when Abby gently prodded at her injuries, meaning that despite her unwillingness to follow medical advice, she wasn’t deteriorating too quickly.  
“You seem to be doing okay for now. But that doesn’t mean things can’t go wrong quickly. I know you hate it, but you do really need to start sitting down and letting others do the physical work.” Abby stepped back, unable to help herself from tapping Raven’s nose.  
She knew her relationship with the young mechanic was bordering on unprofessional, they flirted and she was far too comfortable being physically affectionate with her, but given how Abby had lost everyone else she cared about, she couldn’t bring herself to care about the lack of professional behaviour. And it wasn’t like Raven was exactly complaining about it either.

“Fine, fine.” Raven huffed, wrinkling her nose slightly before shifting about on the examination table, working on pulling her pants back up. Abby turned to make a note of the injury on Raven’s hip, mostly just to make sure that it didn’t get any worse over their next few checkups.  
A knock disturbed her notation, however, and Abby bit back a groan. Her work was never done, apparently. Glancing at Raven to make sure she was decent, Abby called for whomever it was to enter.

“Chancellor Griffin, there’s a grounder here to see you. He won’t tell anyone why.” Instantly, all of Abby’s annoyance, and any lingering good feelings, vanished. Had something happened to Clarke? She’d left her in Polis under the impression that she’d be safe there!

“Bring him to me. Immediately.” Abby demanded, feeling her hands shake slightly with worry. She felt so useless, all of a sudden. She hadn’t been able to protect Clarke, in any way. She’d sent her down to Earth, thinking she’d die there. Then when she’d survived, Abby hadn’t been able to save her from whatever it was she’d been put through by the other youngsters. Even when she was physically on Earth, it had been too late.

Raven stood, moving to Abby’s side and resting her hand on the doctors arm. She knew how dedicated Abby was to her daughter, and could only imagine how hard it had been on her to leave Clarke in Polis. She’d seen how much it had affected Bellamy, and she knew that Abby had been hiding behind smiles since it had happened.

“I’m sure it’s nothing too bad.” She tried to comfort, although she knew her words were meaningless to Abby. Even she didn’t wholly believe it. This was the only way the Grounders had to communicate, by sending messengers. So this could be a courtesy call, or a letter from Clarke... or it could be news of something terrible.  
“Do you want me to leave?” Raven asked quietly. She didn’t much like the thought of leaving Abby alone to wait, especially since she knew how much Abby worried, but if she wasn’t wanted there, then she wasn’t wanted.

“No. I think I could do with... someone objective here, and I don’t know where Kane is.” Raven bit back a derisive snort. Right, because Kane was totally objective, one hundred percent of the time.

The door opened again, and the man who’d brought Abby the news of the Grounder reappeared, along with the Grounder in question.  
Without thinking, Abby rolled up her sleeve, showing the Grounder the brand she’d been given.

“I am Abby, what’s your name?” She asked, hoping this Grounder spoke English. If not, she’d be waiting even longer for the news he held while they went to get Indra. Or Lincoln, although he would be even harder to find, since he was likely off gallivanting with the Blake girl.

“My name is Doyle kom Trikru. I come with a message from Heda, for Chancellor Griffin kom Skaikru.” Abby nodded anxiously, not thinking as she sought out Raven’s hand and squeezing it gently.

“What is your message?” Abby asked, forcing herself to act like the Chancellor, rather than the concerned mother that she was. The Grounder, Doyle, looked at Raven, and the other man in the room, before looking back at Abby and speaking.

“Heda would like for you to return to Polis, if possible. She has concerns about Klark kom Skaikru’s wellbeing. Heda believes you are the best person to consult, and your visit would allow her to gain a report about how Skaikru is coping also.”

“Did she say anything about Clarke’s wellbeing? Is there a specific reason?” Abby asked, wanting to be sure why she was leaving her people for the Capital again so soon. After all, she’d need to give a viable reason to Kane, mostly. But there were others too.

“No. She only requested you come to Polis with me.” Doyle spoke simply and Abby sighed, having already figured out she wouldn’t be getting any more than that out of the messenger.

“Okay, thank you. Go find something to eat while I pack and arrange a party and we’ll head off. Raven, could you show Doyle to the canteen?” Abby asked. Raven nodded, but didn’t move for a moment.

“I’m coming with you. I can set up radio’s in Polis, so that they don’t need to send Runners every time there’s an issue. We’re lucky this time no one was injured.” Abby nodded with a soft smile. She wouldn’t need to think up a reason to bring Raven with her now.

“Okay. Show Doyle to the canteen then go and pack. Get whatever it is you need to wire them up properly and load it into the Jeep. Or, get someone to help you load it into the jeep.” Raven grumbled, but nodded, squeezing Abby’s hand before leading Doyle away.

Abby ran her fingers through her hair, deciding she needed to go and speak to Kane. She needed someone to come with them, to help Raven out, and to help drive the Jeep, since Abby still hadn’t mastered that, given everything she’d been doing.

With that plan in mind, she set off through Arkadia, focusing on everything but what might have been wrong with Clarke. She trusted that if Clarke was actually hurt or truly suffering, the messenger would have said so, but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t a problem with her daughter.  
Again, Abby’s mind cast back to her first landing on Earth, and how happy she’d been to see Clarke. And how Clarke had waited for what seemed like permission before she’d come to greet her. That had been the first red flag, and from then on, Abby had noticed every sign that she knew of for an abusive relationship. And she’d tried everything she could, short of locking Clarke away, to make her see. But Clarke had been so far in, that she hadn’t heard the truth. All she’d heard was her Mother dissaproving of her relationship, and it had driven a wedge between them.  
So Abby had backed off. She’d decided to wait and see if she could talk some sense into her daughter at a later point.

Which is why she’d jumped at the chance to leave Clarke in Polis. It kept her safe, kept her away, but it didn’t further the divide between them. It was her best option.

“Chancellor?” Having been so lost in thought, Abby hadn’t noticed Kane until she’d almost walked right into him. He was with a group of guards, and her already worrisome mood soured further at the sight of Bellamy Blake. She’d had no proof, so without dragging Clarke’s name through the mud and putting her daughter through the hell of being slandered, she’d had no way to get rid of him.

“Kane.” Abby forced herself to smile slightly.  
“I’ve received word from Polis. The Commander wants to see me, something to do with Clarke, and to give a report on how we’re doing. So I’m heading there soon, with Raven. She’s going to hook up some Radio’s, save us having to wait for so long for news.” She explained, Kane nodding along with her words, clearly waiting for her to finish speaking.

“I’m coming with you!” Bellamy said instantly and Abby fought back the urge to wince.

“Thank you, but I don’t think you’ll be needed.” Abby said stiffly, forcing herself to maintain her at least semi calm demeanour. That’s when Kane decided to be helpful.

"Actually... you know what, Abby, I think Blake may be the perfect guy to go with you."

"Kane..."

"Who better to help Reyes with the manual labor? He's got the strength, the dexterity, and I'm pretty sure she'll at least listen to him when he tells her to sit own and not over exert herself."

Abby clenched her teeth, trying to think of ways to counter those arguments. "Kane, I don't think..."

"Not to mention who better to protect you on the road? He's learned about everything down here, and he's a good shot." Kane lowered his voice a little, "Not to mention I'm sure he's been missing his girl." The words came with a wink towards her and a smirk from Bellamy that made her stomach churn. But by this point, she knew there was no way to stop him from coming. The most she could hope for would be that she could bring some of the other guards along, for Clarke’s protection.

“Fine. Put together a group of guards to come with him.” Abby said, deliberately keeping her breathing even. She still had time, before they left, to try and think of a reason to not have Bellamy join them.  
Kane sighed, taking her arm and leading her away from the group. Abby had a feeling she wouldn’t like the next part of the conversation.

“Abby, we don’t really have the men to spare right now. We’ve search parties out, looking for the other stations that crashed, some of them going missing still. If you’re travelling with the Grounder, Blake should be enough to keep you safe. If you’re really that worried, we could arm Reyes too, but we really can’t send any more than that.” Abby resisting the sudden urge to scream at Kane. She needed the other men there, some way to keep Bellamy away from Clarke. Even with Raven armed, that wasn’t enough for Abby. Especially since, as well as keeping Clarke safe from Blake, she felt she had to keep Raven safe too. It was obvious what he liked to do to strong women.

“What about the Grounder leader?” Abby suggested, the thought of strong women being the one to prompt her idea. Kane clearly thought it over for a moment. Long enough of a moment that Abby felt she could hear the cogs in his head turning over her idea, judging whether or not the risk was worth it.

“If she’s willing to go with you, that sounds like a fair idea.” He agreed finally and Abby bit back the sigh of relief. It wasn’t the full consignment of guards like she’d wanted, but it was better than nothing at all.

“Wonderful. I’ll go talk to her now. Thank you, Kane. Can I trust you with Arkadia while I’m gone?” After leaving Clarke in Polis, she and Kane had begun to share responsibilities more, so the thought of leaving him in charge for a few weeks no longer filled her with dread.

“Of course you can. Enjoy your time with your Daughter and I’ll see you when you return.” Kane clapped is hand on her shoulder for a moment and Abby smiled at him, before she hurried away to try and locate Indra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for a cliche I've always wanted to do!
> 
> DUN! DUN! DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUN  
> DOOODOODOODOODOOODEEEDOOOO~!
> 
> TO BE CONTINUED!
> 
> (And if you're not British, you probably won't get the reference there, but that's okay, because I found it funny~! And no, it's not Doctor Who.)


	10. The Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby, Raven, Doyle, Bellamy and Indra travel to Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm going to make a point of something some people seem to have struggled to understand:
> 
> Abby is in a VERY difficult situation. She's the Chancellor, yes, but we've seen that Chancellor's can be voted out of office. So she can't be seen to be openly hating someone that everyone else reveres as a hero.
> 
> Also, People talk. Abby doesn't want Clarke's secret coming out to the world. If she kicks up a proper fuss about Blemmy, then people will ask why. And her just saying "I don't have to explain myself to you!" means that people will talk. They'll make up their OWN reasons as to why she's so against having him there. And those reasons could be he real reason, or they could come out with something WORSE than what actually happened. And once rumours start, anyone who wants to take power from Abby would happily perpetuate whichever one would de-throne her quickest and then take her power.
> 
> And do you honestly think that anyone else would be happy having a 18 y/o, anxious shaking shell of a girl being their emissary in Polis? Hell to the no! They'd yank her out of Polis, put someone else there and basically just hand her back to Blemmy for him to carry on with his torture and general fuckery.
> 
> In this moment, there is NOTHING Abby can do to prevent him from coming with them. All she can do is what she tries to do in the below chapter, and protect Clarke from his effect while he's there.
> 
> (Also, a non-universe example: This would be a shit story without drama. What better drama than bringing Clarke face to face with the guy who broke her? Guys come on!)
> 
> Anyway, that out of the way, hope all of you enjoy the chapter~!

Abby sighed as she stirred the pot that sat above their small camp-fire. Doyle was chatting with Bellamy, Indra was helping Raven set up the tents, so she was left to tend the food, even though she’d never had any skill with cooking.  
They’d been on the road for two days, and so far she’d managed to avoid leaving Raven, and Indra, alone with Bellamy. Although her worry for Indra was significantly less than her immense worry for Raven, she was still concerned about Bellamy trying something with the Grounder woman.

“Abby?” Raven’s voice brought Abby’s attention back to the present, and she forced herself to smile at the mechanic.  
“Indra forced me to sit down, said I was getting in her way and she’d put up the tent.” Raven snorted, carefully lowering herself to sit next to Abby on the log she was using as a bench. Abby chuckled distractedly, most of her attention still on watching Bellamy. He was most dangerous when they were camping. With all of them piled into the Jeep during the day, other than Doyle, who had his horse, there was little he could do. But when they camped, it would be easy for him to lead someone away, to play mind games or tug on weaknesses.  
“Are you okay? You’ve been glaring and not paying attention since we left.” Raven said softly, resting her hand on Abby’s leg in an attempt to get the older woman’s attention. Abby jolted slightly before sighing, deciding that Indra wouldn’t be stupid enough to wander off with him, and turning her attention to Raven.

“It’s nothing, Raven. Just worried about Clarke.” Also very true. There was worry about why she’d been summoned, on what could be wrong, along with worry that once Bellamy arrived, Clarke might go right back under his thumb and beg him to stay. Or beg to come back with them, so she could be with him.  
Raven nodded sympathetically, rubbing Abby’s leg softly. But she could tell it was more than just worry about Clarke. She’d barely taken her eyes off of Bellamy since they’d left Arkadia.

“And what else?” Raven asked softly, managing to almost perfectly mimic Abby’s ‘Doctor voice’ that she used on unwilling or young patients. Abby bit her lip harshly, worry curdling in her stomach.

“Nothing else.” She said, though the words sounded insincere to her own ears. She didn’t doubt that Raven knew there was more.  
“So how long do you think it’ll take you to fit radios in Polis?” She asked, determined to change the subject.

“A week, if it’s no bigger than Arkadia. Longer if it is.” Raven shrugged. While it hadn’t taken that long WITH Arkadia, that’s because everything was already there for Arkadia, she just had to connect things properly. With Polis, she knew there was nothing. So she’d have to set up a generator, find something they had plenty of in order to run it. Maybe set up solar panels. Then run the wiring through the main building, put a standing radio in for the Commander, and then on the way home, put a few boxes up trees to carry the signal properly. It was a big job.

Abby cursed internally. Longer than a week! She couldn’t be in Polis for more than a few days, and with no other guards, no one else who understood what Raven was trying to do, there was a good chance Bellamy would be staying with her.

“Isn’t there any way to do it quicker?” Abby asked, doing her best not to let the knee-jerk response come out of her mouth.

“If we had more people that understood... but other than that, no. As much as I like Indra, she’s shown me that Grounders don’t really have a handle on electricity. And I don’t want to be the reason for one of them frying themselves because I wasn’t able to be one hundred percent exact. Looks like you’re heading back to Arkadia without Bellamy. I bet Clarke’ll be happy.” Abby bit her lip. She’d have to do something. She had to make sure Clarke would be safe, if he stayed and she didn’t. She had to tell Raven.  
“Abby?”

“I’m on first watch tonight.” Abby said, hating herself for the knowledge that she’d have to betray Clarke’s confidence.  
“Once everyone’s asleep, come sit with me. I have something to tell you.” Raven frowned slightly, recognising the seriousness that was in Abby’s tone. But she nodded, noting that the others were moving towards the fire, signalling the end of their conversation.

Hours later, Abby sat by the fire, having barely moved all evening. Only difference being that she’d swapped out her spoon for a stick and was now poking the fire rather than stirring stew.  
It had been half an hour since everyone had gone to bed, according to her watch, so providing that Raven hadn’t just fallen asleep, she should be joining her soon.  
Although part of her desperately hoped that Raven had gone to sleep. She didn’t want to give out Clarke’s secrets to anyone. But this was a matter of protection.

A quiet rustling from the tent that Raven was in alerted Abby to the fact that she hadn’t forgotten.

“Hey.” Raven said softly, carefully easing herself down. She hadn’t even taken her braces off, not wanting to try and put them back on in the dark so that she could go and have this conversation.

“Hey.” Abby greeted, still poking at the fire. Part of her wished that she was still Raven and Clarke’s age, so that she could sulk and huff and throw a fit, and no one would judge her for it.

“So what’s going on?”

Abby turned to face Raven, chewing her lip and taking her hand, squeezing it gently.

“You need to swear to me, you will take this information to your grave, unless you have express permission to share it, okay?”

“Of course.” Raven mimed zipping over her lip and throwing it away. Abby smiled a little, squeezing Raven’s hand again. Mostly for her own comfort at this point, her stomach still twisting and knotting itself.

“I left Clarke in Polis to keep her away from Bellamy.” She dropped her voice lower than it had been before, just in case there was a chance he was still awake.

“What!?” Raven asked, her voice still hushed, but louder than Abby’s. Abby shushed her frantically, waving her hands.

“It was for her own good. Since landing on the ground, I watched her with him. She showed every sign of an abused woman. Withdrawn, looking to him for permission to do simple things, defending terrible behaviour... her entire personality had changed to fit around him.” Abby sighed, the memories of seeing her daughter like that making her feel sicker than ever before.  
“I tried to talk to her about it, tried to make her see sense. But she buried her head in the sand. She didn’t want to see what was happening, because she thought it was a good relationship. And all I actually achieved was making her pull away from me. Making it harder still for me to help her. So when the opportunity came to leave her somewhere so far away from him, somewhere he couldn’t get to her... I agreed as quickly as I could.” Abby couldn’t look at Raven’s face. She could only imagine what expression resided there. One of hatred, of anger, of disdain. She was a mother and it was her job to look after her child. And she’d failed. Not only had she failed, she’d abandoned her daughter and tried to paint it as protection.

Raven sat in silence for a moment, in shock. How hadn’t she noticed what was going on?  
 _Because you were so happy to see Finn again, and then heartbroken about losing him, and then shot, and then Clarke was gone._  
Her brain reminded her of these facts, but the logic didn’t help the guilt that settled heavy in her chest. Abby had sent her to Earth to try and help Clarke, and she’d failed so completely.

“I’m sorry.” Raven spoke quietly, moving and wrapping her arms around Abby in a tight hug. She didn’t know what else there was to say, in that moment. She felt Abby draw in a shuddering breath, before she pulled out of the hug.

“I’m not telling you this for sympathy, Raven. I’m telling you, because I can’t stay in Polis the entire time you’re fitting the radios. But you’re right, he’s the only one who can help you. I tried to get more guards to come with us, but it wasn’t possible, apparently.” Abby sighed, slowly rebuilding the walls that she often wore to protect herself from the world.  
“I’m telling you, because he’ll be there with you and that means he’ll be there with Clarke. I need you to try and protect her. I need you to look after her.” Raven nodded instantly. Of course she would. She had months of neglect to make up for.

“Of course I’ll look after her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switching back to Lexa for the next chapter, back to Polis we go!


	11. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and co. arrive at Polis. Aden comes up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man this chapter came easy to me haha. Hope y'all enjoy!

“The Skaikru Chancellor has arrived and is waiting for you.” Lexa glanced back to Clarke before making her decision.

“Show her in here, please.” Her tone left no room to be argued with, and the guard nodded and exited quickly. Turning back to Clarke, Lexa bit her lip.  
“I sent for your Mo-om.” Lexa was certain that she’d remembered the word correctly.  
“I was concerned for you, and believed she could help.” Clarke nodded softly. Lexa hoped that she was happy about the appearance of the Chancellor.

“Thanks...” Clarke’s voice was quiet, her hand near her mouth as if she were about to start sucking her thumb. Lexa nodded, smiling softly at Clarke.

The door creaked open, and Lexa stood, quickly putting herself Clarke’s bed and the door, out of habit.

“Chancellor Griffin, it’s lovely to see you.” Lexa greeted formally, doing her best not to stare at the other members of the party that had trickled in behind Abby. Although she did dip her head in greeting at the sight of Indra.

“And you, Commander.” Abby replied, equally as formal. She sidestepped so that she could see Clarke around Lexa and her expression notably softened. Lexa motioned her forward, although she was aware that Abby did not need her permission to see her child.

Abby rushed forward, taking note of the bandages on Clarke’s leg.

“What happened, baby?” Abby asked. Lexa turned her head back to the rest of the group, doing her best not to listen in on the private conversation that was going on behind her.

“Who are you?” She asked the other woman, unsure as to why Abby would bring someone who was obviously injured, rather than a guard. The girl gave Lexa a big grin, puffing herself up slightly.

“My name’s Raven Reyes. I’m here to install radio’s, so you don’t have to send Runners when you need to contact us.” She explained, and Lexa raised an eyebrow, noting Indra struggling with her self control in the background.

“I see.” Was Lexa’s response, planning on discussing that more at a later point.  
“Perhaps we should all move to another room while Chancellor Abby and Clarke have their reunion.” She suggested, going to motion them all out when she noticed who stood behind Indra. The Warrior. The one who had broken Clarke. Lexa stiffened angrily, her teeth clenching, though she fought to give no other sign of hostility. Now wasn’t the time or the place.

“I’m not leaving until I see Clarke.” He spoke, loud enough for his voice to echo through the room and Lexa instantly whipped round, panic bubbling inside of her. All of her hard work, everything good step forward Clarke had made... they’d all be undone if...

Clarke started to move, her own face twisting into panic as she struggled to try and get out of the bed. Abby was trying to talk her down, trying to get her to sit still, but she wouldn’t listen. Lexa instantly moved to try and stop the Warrior from entering the room, noting how Raven did the same. But Clarke continued to fight.

“ _Indra, keep her on the bed._ ” Lexa instructed firmly. Indra nodded, moving and easily putting Clarke back on the bed, holding her still. Lexa felt her heart constrict as she listened to Clarke cry and beg with Indra to let her up, but she couldn’t go back, still working on getting the boy out of the room.

Clarke’s cries alerted nearby warriors, who hurried in closer, causing Lexa to breathe a sigh of relief. The Warrior was smirking, and continued to step forward, occasionally making demands to see Clarke, which would only make her beg louder and fight harder.

“Take the Chancellor’s Party to their rooms.” Lexa instructed firmly, before continuing on in Trigedasleng.  
“ _Keep him as far away from here as possible._ ” The guards nodded, taking the Warrior by the arm, along with one reaching for Raven. Raven didn’t fight them, and Lexa was relieved to see that even the Warrior understood fights he couldn’t win and allowed himself to be lead away, but not without twisting the knife a little more.

“I’ll be back to see you later, Clarke! You know they can’t keep me away from you! I love you!” Lexa swallowed her anger, resisting her need to follow behind him and simply end his miserable life. Instead, she shut the door, noticing now how Indra was basically sat upon Clarke to keep her still, though this wasn’t stopping her from fighting. Abby was speaking quickly, but softly, stroking Clarke’s hair back, a sight that helped a little with Lexa’s anger. There were people who cared for her, even if they had been little help in the past. Even if they had brought him here and put Clarke in danger again.

Aden watched, from where he was hiding behind some curtains. He watched as Heda tried to deny the man access to Clarke’s room, and how she’d had him removed. And had heard everything that had been said. Heda wanted him kept away from Clarke. He waited until there was no one watching, before slipping out from his hiding place and hurried to find the other novitiates.

“ _We need to protect Clarke._ ” Aden said, as he skidded into the dorms. The other Nightbloods looked up at him in confusion. While they’d all grown to enjoy spending time with Clarke, they couldn’t understand what there could be that she’d need protecting from.

“ _Why?_ ” Alexandria asked. She was one of the oldest Nightbloods, often taking charge and feeling an immense sense of pride that she shared a name with their current Heda.

“ _Before she came here, someone was hurting her, a lot. He’s here now and will try and hurt her again._ Heda _might not be able to do anything, so we need to protect her._ Heda _would want us to._ ” Aden explained, shifting from foot to foot anxiously, wanting them all to just agree with him and get on with it.

“ _We can’t hurt him. If we do that,_ Skaikru _might declare war on us._ ” Alexandria pointed out, although the other novitiates were all looking as if they were on Aden’s side on the matter.

“ _We don’t need to hurt him. We just need to keep him apart from Clarke._ Heda _won’t let him stay here forever. So we just need to watch him and keep them apart while he’s here. Protect her._ ” Aden said passionately, trying to get through to her. Alexandria sighed, glaring at Aden before scoffing.

“ _Fine. But if Flamekeeper catches us, we’re all blaming you. I’m not getting punished for one of your ideas._ ” Aden beamed, nodding proudly and motioning to the door.

“ _I know which room he’ll be in. We should start now._ ”


	12. Not Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby leaves Polis and Bellamy pays Clarke a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't feel like I should have to say this, given what this fic is, but just in case:
> 
> This is not a fun chapter to read. Honestly, I felt sick writing it. Just because you know something has to go into the story, doesn't mean you enjoy it at all.

Clarke felt like she couldn’t breathe as she jolted awake from yet another bad dream of those first few months on the ground. The feeling wasn’t helped as she felt the bed shift beneath her, reminding her that she was breaking the rules by being there. And Bellamy was here! He was in Polis and she was rule breaking. He was going to be so angry with her, and he’d be right. He’d be right to be angry because she was bad. She was very bad.

“Clarke?” Her Mom’s voice sounded from nearby and Clarke stifled a squeak of shock, quickly trying to feign sleep. She knew that her Mom didn’t like Bellamy. But Bellamy loved her, and her Mom hadn’t said anything bad about him since she’d arrived. Maybe her Mom had realised how good Bellamy was for her. How much he loved her. Why he sometimes had to punish her, because she was bad and broke rules.

Clarke listened as her Mom settled back down on the couch, clearly convinced by Clarke’s fakery. Another bad thing. She lied. Even if it wasn’t to him, she’d still lied, and that was very bad.

Clarke nestled her face into the pillow, amazed to find that the rough material reminded her of Lexa. Even though she hadn’t wanted to see her for a long time, afraid of what might happen, she’d been glad when Aden had fetched the commander. Lexa was strong, like Bellamy. She would take care of her when he wasn’t around to do so. She was sure that Lexa already knew the rules. Knew what to do if she was bad. Her Mom never did, Bellamy had said. That’s why she’d ended up in Prison. Because no one had ever bothered to teach her to follow the rules. Until him. He loved her enough to look after her, and teach her to be good.

It wasn’t long until she drifted back into an uneasy sleep, nightmares plaguing her subconscious.

“I love you, Clarke. You be good.” Abby whispered, hugging Clarke tightly. Clarke hugged her back, wishing she could go to the gate to see her Mom off, like she had the last time. But she still wasn’t really allowed out of bed. Her Mom had been helping her to and from the bathroom, and she didn’t really know who’d be doing things like that now.

“I love you too, Mom.” She whispered, fingers clutching the back of Abby’s jacket again, suddenly really not wanting her to leave at all. But Bellamy was going to be staying, to help Raven. So it wasn’t like she was going to be alone again.

“Once Raven’s got the radio’s working, I promise I’ll call you straight away. You’re not going to be isolated here anymore.” Abby promised, pulling away and kissing Clarke’s head lovingly. Clarke nodded, forcing herself to release Abby’s jacket so she could leave.  
A final kiss to her forehead, and then her Mom was gone. Heading back to Arkadia and leaving her behind again.

Clarke knew that there were guards posted outside of her door again. When her Mom had been busy, they’d listened in and if she’d tried getting up, they’d request entrance to help her. She was amazed that they asked. Despite Lexa promising, it still surprised Clarke that people didn’t just invade her space. Other than her Mom.

With a sigh, Clarke leaned over to the small table that sat next to her bed, selecting one of the books her Mom had brought for her and beginning to read. She’d read it before, of course, but it was nice to re-read. An easy way to keep her mind busy, since she still couldn’t leave the bed.

“Clarke?” Her name made Clarke jump, and she glanced to the door fearfully. There stood Bellamy, flanked by two guards. He hadn’t knocked.

“C-Come in...” Clarke said, setting the book down quickly. She knew that the guards wouldn’t leave if she didn’t give Bellamy permission to enter, but she also knew that he’d be mad that she’d been bossy towards him. He was the boss, not her.

“Hey baby girl.” Bellamy approached the bed and Clarke shifted as if she was about to stand, starting to shake anxiously. He was gonna be so angry with her.

“I’m sorry! The Healer said I had to...!” She said instantly, still shifting, wondering if she could stand unaided, just to show that she wasn’t being deliberately bad.

“Oh I know, it’s okay.” His tone was soft as he sat on the edge of the bed, stroking her hair as her Mother had done over the last few days. He kissed her forehead and settled down, the hand that had been stroking her hair moving to cup her face, so she couldn’t look away from him and his other hand resting atop hers warmly. He was smiling. The smile that Clarke liked, the one he wore when she’d done something really good and he was happy with her.  
“I’m not angry that you’re on the bed, it’s not your fault.” He assured her, and Clarke felt herself start to relax. He wasn’t angry. She wasn’t bad. That was the smile she got when she was good, so she must have done good without realising. She leaned towards his touch slightly. Clarke had missed him. He was the only person who loved her, it had been lonely without him.  
“None of this would have happened if you were back in Arkadia with me. You never would have gotten hurt.” Clarke bit her lip slightly. He probably was right. She wouldn’t have tried climbing trees in Arkadia, and Bellamy wouldn’t have let her get hurt.

“I’m sorry...” Clarke said again, feeling now that it was her fault she got hurt. After all, she’d agreed to stay in Polis. She’d separated herself from him and that’s why she’d gotten hurt.

“You could fix it, you know. You could come home with me, you’d be safe back home. I’d look after you, get you better. And I’d make sure you never got hurt like this again.” Clarke had to admit, that did sound good. But she’d promised her Mom that she’d stay in Polis. She was doing a good thing here. Stopping them from fighting, making sure the others got looked after.

“I c-can’t...” She regretted it the second she said it. The hand that rested atop hers suddenly developed an iron grip. The cup of her face turned into a grip on her hair and although it hurt, Clarke knew better than to cry out. He tugged on her hair, tipping her head back and hovering above her angrily.

“What do you mean you can’t?” The smile was gone, gritted teeth replacing it. Clarke struggled to speak for a moment, having forgotten how much it hurt to have her hair pulled, before managing to get words out.

“My Mom won’t let me leave. I’m here to stop war, that’s why L-Commander asked me to stay. I’m sorry Bellamy, I’d come back with you if I could!” She hoped that her words would calm him. She hadn’t meant to make him so angry with her. She should have just agreed, he always knew best and she was just stupid. Slowly, the grips he had on her loosened, and he stroked her hair again as he released it.

“Okay. Then I’ll stay here. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Hey, Bellamy? Can you come give me a hand with something?” There was Raven, stood in the doorway, covered in a sheen of sweat and holding a screwdriver up as if in greeting. Clarke heard the annoyed huff he gave and shrank back into the bed slightly, but he stood and turned to Raven.

“Yeah sure. I’ll be back later, Clarke.” Clarke nodded, the back of her head throbbing from the grip he’d had on her. Once Bellamy had left the room, Raven turned back and winked at Clarke before leaving.

Once she was sure they were gone, Clarke reached up with one hand, gently rubbing the nape of her neck to try and soothe the ache and sting that had settled there once Bellamy had released her hair. She knew she was bad, and he was just trying to make her better, but she still didn’t like it when she was hurt. But it was a good way for someone stupid like her to learn. She rarely made the same mistake twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack. Well, that's out of the way now. Hope you enjoyed it... I guess?


	13. The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Mechanic take an important step in their relationship. And Raven sets to work on the tasks she was sent to Polis to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Doctor Mechanic fanservice because sue me =P  
> More Clexa moments are coming, though not in this chapter, I promise! I have things planned and our girls will get more bonding!
> 
> That said, enjoy~!

Raven was waiting down the hall, while Abby said goodbye to Clarke. She was a little worried about being the only one around who truly knew what Bellamy was like. Although she was beginning to seriously suspect that the Commander knew as well, given the way she hovered around Clarke and always put herself between the blonde and the door when new people were entering. If she didn’t know it was Bellamy, Raven was near certain that the Commander knew that something was up. And she hoped that was a good thing.

“She’s gonna be fine.” Raven assured Abby softly, once the older woman reached her side. Abby raised a disbelieving eyebrow, but Raven kept her sunny smile, pulling Abby into a hug. She’d look out for Clarke. She didn’t need to be going home and worrying.  
“I won’t let him anywhere near her.” Raven pressed her face against Abby’s neck for a second before Abby pulled back from the hug, cupping Raven’s face and smiling slightly. Raven felt her heart flutter slightly and she forced herself to make eye contact, lifting her own hand to rest atop of Abby’s.

“Thank you.” Abby’s voice was sincere and Raven simply nodded, not trusting herself to reply with anything even mildly appropriate. She wetted her lips, wondering when they’d gotten so dry, and squeezed Abby’s hand gently.

Raven hadn’t been expecting the movement, but at the same time, she was hardly surprised when Abby’s lips found hers. Kissing back was only natural, one hand moving to Abby’s waist, just needing something to ground her.  
They pulled away carefully and Raven held her breath, waiting for Abby to try and make excuses.

"Thank you, Raven." Abby repeated the words, much gentler this time as she pulled away.

Raven was still trying to process the spinning feeling in her head, the warmth in her gut that kinda felt like butterflies on fire swarming around, when she noticed Abby had stood, taking several steps away.

"Abby!" Raven called out, stumbling on the word, like the name were too heavy to say, too great. She reached out towards Abby, trying to get her brace to move quicker than it would. Realising that Raven was trying to move more than she should, Abby stopped, turning back to her. Raven breathed a sigh of relief, stopping in front of her.  
“We don’t need to make a big thing out of it.” Raven shrugged, reaching out to take Abby’s hand again. Part of her did want to make a big thing of it. Part of her wanted to be a giddy teenager and sing and dance and make a massive deal of the fact that the woman she had a crush on liked her back. But she knew that Abby needed it to be a small thing, because everything else was so big right now.  
“It can just be a kiss. Or it can be a thing, but not a big one.”

“Raven...”

“Hear me out, Abby, please. It can just be a thing. We’ve all been through hell...” Raven laughed, using her spare hand to tap her own brace and then the brand on Abby’s arm.  
“...so we deserve a little happiness. If you wanna kiss me, then that’s okay. If you wanna talk about this when I get back to Arkadia, then that’s okay. And if you wanna say what this is now, then that’s okay too.” Raven managed a supportive smile, squeezing Abby’s hand. She felt Abby squeeze back, just before she felt Abby’s lips brushing the corner of her mouth.

“We’ll talk about it when you get home.” Abby agreed and Raven felt her heart soar.

“Let me walk you back to the jeep.” Raven suggested, tangling her fingers with Abby. She practically felt Abby’s eye roll, but the Doctor didn’t complain as they headed for the Jeep parked at the gates of Polis.

It wasn’t until she watched the Jeep pull away that she realised she didn’t know where Bellamy was. And the feeling of contentment she’d been basking in fell out from beneath her. Turning and moving as quick as she could, Raven hurried towards Clarke’s room.

“...Wouldn’t you?” He was in there! Raven felt her heart thump painfully, her legs throbbing as she forced herself to keep moving. She quickly dug in a pocket until she located a screwdriver, knowing that she didn’t want to confront him while he was near Clarke. Giving herself a split second to breathe, Raven quickly stepped into Clarke’s room. Her stomach rolled at the sight of him sat where Abby had been, touching Clarke in an all too familiar manner. She should have been here!

“Hey, Bellamy? Can you come give me a hand with something?” Raven asked, holding up the screwdriver and praying he’d just agree. Though when he agreed, she’d need to think of a job. She figured she could just start work on the generator. He was supposed to be helping her with that.

“Yeah sure. I’ll be back later, Clarke.” Raven felt her stomach curl again, but watched as Bellamy stood and made his way through the door. Once he was clear, she turned back to Clarke with a slight smile, winking at her. She couldn’t actually say what she wanted, so Raven hoped that her wink was enough of the message.

_You’re not alone. I understand. I’ll protect you._

“So what’s this job?” Bellamy asked as Raven shut Clarke’s door behind her, settling the screwdriver back in her pocket.

“We need to start work on the Generator. You were sent to help me with that.” Raven pointed out, noticing how now the door was shut, two Grounder guards re-appeared. She wondered where they’d gone and decided that she’d throw a fit about that later. Right now she just needed to get Bellamy as far away from Clarke as humanly possible. Bellamy looked like he was about to argue, so Raven took his hand and started down the hall, ignoring the throbbing that radiated through her entire lower half.

“Where are we going?”

“To where all the supplies are.” Raven stated, wishing she could just stab him and be done with it. Or push him out of one of the convenient windows. Or do something that would ensure he wouldn’t come back. But since all of those things would end badly, for now she’d just focus on keeping him busy and distracted and getting him back to Polis as quickly as she could.

Wiping her brow, Raven grinned at the already quarter built generator. It had taken a good few hours, and a lot of swearing through the pain on her part, but now it was beginning to get dark and they were done for the day. Which meant she had to hurry.

“Can you finish screwing those in for me?” Raven asked Bellamy, motioning to the row of screws she’d started. That would take him only a few minutes, but that was all she needed, if she pushed herself again.  
“My leg’s acting up, so I think I’m gonna go soak it.” She added on, smiling her sweetest smile in his direction, even if it did make her feel sick. Bellamy only grunted in response and stood out of the chair he’d been lounging in, moving to grab the screwdriver that she was holding. Raven felt her body tense as he snatched from her hand, a bolt of panic shooting through her entire system.  
“Thanks.” She spoke quickly, before starting to hobble away. Now that she thought about it, she felt amazed that Clarke still had the mental fortitude to hold herself upright and eat. When she truly thought about it, it had been so obvious. The Clarke that Abby had described to her on the Ark was strong, a leader who wouldn’t take shit from anyone, let alone some boy. The Clarke that Raven had met had been quiet. Submissive. At the time, she’d been so happy to see Finn, and so concerned with trying to get a message to the Ark that she’d just put it down to a new environment and Abby maybe not knowing her daughter as well as she thought she did. Now she hated herself for not trying to find out more.

_You can’t change what happened, Reyes. Just fix it now._

She scolded herself, breathing a sigh of relief as she reached Clarke’s door. The guards were there again, but were used to her presence, so they only hovered as she pushed open the door, offering a smile to the blonde, who was reading.

“Hey. Mind if I flop in here? Don’t think I can make it back to my room.” Raven tapped her brace gently. It was a lie, of course. She’d passed her room on the way here, but it would do for now. Clarke nodded and the guards stood back, allowing Raven to close the door on them and slump into the couch. She knew that Clarke had a thing about beds, so she’d leave that for now. Mostly she was just grateful to be sitting.

“What have you been doing?” Clarke’s voice was quiet, but Raven grinned anyway, shifting till she was comfortable and could see Clarke.

“Building a Generator. We couldn’t bring a fully built one on the Jeep, for some bullshit safety reason about explosions or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen properly. So we brought all the pieces and I’ve gotta put them back together. It’s not really rocket science though.” Raven watched Clarke bit her lip and could practically hear the internal debate on whether or not she was going to speak again.

“Sounds nearly as hard as Rocket Science...” She finally said, quirking a little smile. Raven snorted.

“Nah. Rocket science is easy. People are just dummies.” At hearing Clarke laugh at her comment, Raven relaxed slightly. No, she wasn't healed yet, but that she could tell, Bellamy hadn't managed to do any MORE damage to her. And now Raven would be extra vigilant. She wouldn't let Clarke down again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, even though I don't reply very often, I read each and every comment. Every theory makes me smile (and some, if they're good enough, get considered to be added in!)  
> There have been times I've considered giving up on this fic, because my writers block gets bad. But then I come and re-read the comments and keep coming back. This is the longest project I've ever created, and the first Multichapter to go anywhere since I was about 13 (and we don't talk about that shitpile!) so I know I'm being sappy but I wanted you guys to know how much I appreciate everyone who enjoys my fic!


	14. Taking Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven feels guilty and looks after Clarke. But there are some things only Lexa can do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm SO SORRY this took so long!
> 
> I got slapped by writers block pretty fucking hard, but I pushed through and so we have this!

Raven glanced over at Clarke, before sighing and standing and moving over to the bed. She took a lock of Clarke’s hair between her fingers, rolling it and sighing again.

“Okay, lets wash your hair.” Raven said. She wanted to make up for the fact that she’d allowed Bellamy to get close to her this morning and this was the first thing she could think of. Clarke looked like a deer in the headlights and Raven forced herself to smile.  
“It looks like you could fry in it, Clarke. It needs a wash. Let me help.” Raven squeezed Clarke’s shoulder.  
“I’ll do it over a sink, so you won’t need to strip off or anything. But sometimes that can help, feeling clean again.” Raven knew better than most. After her Mother’s drunken outbursts, one of her favourite things to do was to shower and wash off the feeling of what happened.

“Okay...” Clarke agreed quietly, clearly shifting uncomfortably. Raven squeezed her shoulder once more before stepping back and examining the situation.

“I’ll get the guards to get you into the bathroom, okay?” Raven checked, having a distinct feeling, however, that Clarke would agree to anything about now. This was partially confirmed when Clarke nodded. Raven sighed, but headed to the door.  
“Can you give me a hand getting her into the bathroom? We’re gonna do Clarke’s hair.” Raven knew a few words of Trigedasleng, but none of them would help her out in this situation. Thankfully, it seemed like they understood her as they moved into the bedroom and towards Clarke’s bed.

“Can we move you, Klark?” The larger one asked. Raven watched with interest as Clarke nodded, holding her arms up to them. The bigger guard lifted her like she weighed nothing, which she probably did to him.  
“In the bath or on the chair?” He asked, this time directing the question to Raven. It took her a second to think.

“Chair, please.” He nodded and moved through, depositing Clarke carefully in the chair. Raven was too far away to hear what he whispered to her, but she watched as Clarke nodded, offering him a small smile. The other guard worked on lighting the fire in the bathroom. He spoke in Trigedasleng and his friend laughed rolling his eyes and responded in kind.

“If you plan on hair washing, would you rather her near the bath?” Raven nodded, internally scolding herself for not thinking of that herself. She was mostly just so taken aback by how comfortable Clarke seemed to be around these guards.

It was a few minutes more of shuffling, before Raven found herself sat next to Clarke, a jug of water in her hand and more steadily heating up on fire. Being careful to shield Clarke’s eyes, Raven tipped the water over her hair softly, keeping watch over Clarke’s face to make sure she wasn’t hurting her.  
She worked in silence for now, hoping that she was at least soothing Clarke a little.

“Lean over the bath.” She encouraged gently, and as she flipped Clarke’s hair, Raven recoiled. Around the top of her neck was red and painful looking.  
“Clarke... what happened?” She asked softly, gently touching the redness. Clarke jolted and shifted about in the chair uncomfortably.  
“Did... Was this what happened before I interrupted?” Raven asked, concern bubbling in her stomach at the sight of the damaged skin.

A long moment of silence dragged on, but just as Raven went to ask again, Clarke nodded softly. Raven felt her heart clench and she set Clarke’s hair back down, moving to at least try and get in her eyesight.

“Did he hurt you anywhere else?” Raven asked softly. “I just want to look, see if I can help with the pain, that’s all.” She knew that Clarke had no real reason to trust her, but she really hoped that she’d open up, even if it was just a little. Clarke held up her hand and Raven could see the space around her thumb was starting to darken into a bruise.  
“Is that all?” She checked, hoping that Clarke was being honest with her. Clarke nodded, dropping her hand again and chewing her lip.

“It was my fault. I made him mad, I told him no.”

“No to what?” The question made Raven feel even sicker, worry settling deep in her. They’d all heard the sounds coming from Bellamy’s tent during those months. Raven began wondering if any of those times had been consensual. She had a feeling that not.

“Coming back to Arkadia...” Her voice was small, but still Raven had to bite back the sigh of relief. But now she knew she really needed to keep Bellamy as far away from Clarke as possible. Raven couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of that before, but then there were some things that no one wanted to think about until they were thrown at you out of nowhere.

“But you said no?” Raven asked. Clarke nodded again and Raven slowly moved back to washing Clarke’s hair, wanting to focus on the simple task rather than where her brain had just taken her.  
“Good. You’re better off here in Polis.” She assured her softly, working on massaging the soap into Clarke’s hair, being especially careful around the base of her scalp, where the redness was. She didn’t get an answer from Clarke, nor another word as she rinsed the soap out and located a hairbrush, being careful as she worked out the tangles.  
“Do you want me to braid it for you?” Raven asked softly, slowly encasing Clarke’s hair in a towel and encouraging her to sit back up properly. Clarke considered it before nodding, chewing her bottom lip.

“Can... can you do it like Lexa’s?” The question was clearly spoken with anxiety and Raven felt her heart go out to Clarke. She nodded with a grin.

“Of course I can. I’ve got very clever fingers.” Raven wiggled her fingers at Clarke playfully, laughing in the hopes that Clarke would laugh with her. She didn’t, but Raven did notice the slight smile.  
“I’m just gonna go and get the guards to get you back in bed and then we’ll do your hair up like the Commanders.” She knew that Clarke felt comfortable referring to the intimidating Commander by her first name, but Raven had a feeling that if she was to refer to her by name, she might just be stabbed. Clarke nodded, shifting in the seat carefully, wincing slightly as she moved her leg in the wrong way. Raven waited until she was sure that Clarke wasn’t in any real pain, before hurrying out and getting the guards to carry Clarke back to her bed.

“Are you still comfortable with her being here?” Raven heard the big one ask Clarke as he set her on the bed. She wondered if that had been what was whispered before, too. Clarke nodded, offering him a small smile and patting his arm.

“She’s my moms friend.” Raven heard the reply and watched as the guards left them alone again, shutting the door behind them.

“I’m your friend too, you know?” Raven pointed out, sitting half behind Clarke on the double bed, being gentle as she rubbed at her hair with the towel. Clarke didn’t answer and Raven bit back a sigh, already starting to separate her hair into sections to braid it carefully.  
She worked in silence, being careful not to pull too hard, mindful of how sore Clarke’s scalp might still be.  
“There we go.” Raven grinned, nearly half an hour later, releasing Clarke’s hair and grinning at her handiwork. Clarke reached behind her and slowly ran her fingers over the braids.

“Thank you.” Clarke didn’t look at Raven and hid a yawn behind her hands.

“Anytime.” There was a pause as Raven glanced at the door before sighing. “Mind if I sleep in here tonight? Don’t know if I can make it back to my room. I’ll take the couch, of course.” Clarke seemed to think about it, before nodding.

“Do you want my blankets?” Clarke offered, shifting on the bed to lay down comfortably.

“Nah, the fire’s going, I’ll be warm enough.” Raven grinned, moving to the couch and working on removing her brace. It seemed, for a moment, that Clarke was going to say something, before she got comfortable on the bed and the room went silent, other than the soft crackle of the fire.

Raven was used to rude awakenings. She was used to the banging of the head engineer to get her up. She was used to loud noises jolting her up. But one thing she wasn’t used to was screaming.  
And that’s what woke her. Loud screaming from Clarke’s bed, as she thrashed within the blankets. Raven wasn’t sure if Clarke was dreaming or if she was awake, but she still stood, grabbing her brace and strapping it on as fast as she could.  
“Clarke, it’s okay!” She called, fumbling with the straps before standing. She knew her brace wasn’t on right, but she’d deal with that later. She made it to the bed just as the door burst open and the Commander entered, flanked by the guards that had been outside Clarke’s door.

“Move away.” The Commander barked the order and Raven instinctively jerked backwards, before moving to rest a hand on Clarke’s arm, regardless on whether she might lose that hand or not. The screaming had stopped and been replaced by a weak whimpering noise that reminded Raven of the videos of kittens they’d seen on the Ark. Only louder and more heartbreaking.  
“Move away!” The Commander ordered again as Raven perched herself on the edge of the bed, rubbing Clarke’s arm to try and soothe her.

“No. She’s my friend.” Raven’s voice was firm and she fought not to back off when Lexa approached the large bed and settled on Clarke’s other side. And she definitely had to resist the need to move when Clarke shifted and practically threw herself at the commander.

She watched with great interest as Lexa stiffened for a moment before bringing her arms around Clarke, holding her close. She began to mutter and Raven strained, before understanding that Lexa was speaking Trigedasleng, cutting Raven wholly out of the conversation.  
But it seemed to be helping Clarke, whose whimpering was softening into weak breaths. She was still gripping at Lexa, but the rest of her body language began to read ‘calm’, rather than the panic she’d been gripped with when she’d awoken.

“There we go.” Lexa soothed, running her hand up Clarke’s arm. Raven had no idea how someone so intimidating could soothe Clarke’s panic so easy.  
“Raven, you can return to your room.” Raven frowned at the order.

“I was sleeping in here. I can’t make it back to my room tonight.” There was a moment of eye contact, which made Raven reconsider briefly, before Lexa sighed, waving her hand dismissively.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, I'm a sad loser and your comments/kudos make me so unbelievably happy!


	15. A Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Clarke's nightmares. Lexa and Clarke bond and Raven and Aden have a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I AM SO VERY VERY VERY SORRY!
> 
> I got wrapped up in Roleplaying and basically didn't write any fic. But I'm back now and I'm re-invigorated for this fic and ready to go!!!

Clarke had barely slept after waking from her nightmare. She hadn’t released Lexa either. She could tell from breathing that Raven had gone back to sleep and she was fairly certain that Lexa had too. But Clarke had just lain there, keeping her grip on Lexa, and done her best not to think too hard.  
She knew that Lexa would protect her, even if she did encourage her to break the rules. And honestly, there was a small voice in the back of her head telling her that Lexa would protect her from Bellamy. Not that she needed protecting from him, he loved her more than anyone. That little voice didn’t know what it was talking about.

But it had been Lexa she’d wanted after her nightmare, not Bellamy. Bellamy was never very good after nightmares. He just wanted to go to back to sleep and if she dared keep him awake, she was in a lot of trouble. No one liked having their sleep interrupted by her being useless and stupid.  
Lexa didn’t get mad, though. Lexa held her and rubbed her back and whispered to her in Trigedasleng, words she barely understood, but felt soothing none-the-less.

Feeling Lexa shift, Clarke clamped her eyes shut and attempted to feign sleep. Lexa’s hands gripped at her arms, rubbing them in gentle motions.

“I know you’re awake.” There was a hint of something in Lexa’s voice that Clarke didn’t quite recognise. Sounded almost like she was trying not to laugh.

“Sorry.” Clarke apologised on instinct, as she often did. She didn’t want to be in trouble, so even if she didn’t know whether she’d done something wrong, she’d apologise.

“It is fine. I couldn’t sleep either.” Lexa admitted, pulling back a little to look down at Clarke and smile, just softly. With the hopes to re-assure. Clarke did feel calmer at seeing her smile.  
“Shall we sit up? Or do you want to keep lying here?” Lexa asked, wanting to make sure Clarke had a choice. Clarke considered it slowly, taking her time.

“Sit up.” She settled on finally, moving away and propping herself up on pillows. Lexa rose slowly, deliberately not making any sudden movements. Clarke glanced at the books on her bedside table and wondered to herself if Lexa would be angry if she just wanted to read.

“I’m going to light the fire, and some candles, okay?” Lexa checked, making to stand. Clarke nodded, despite being able to see fine in the dim light. Clarke reached for the book she was reading, pulling it onto her lap. Lexa lit the fire carefully, checking on Raven. It seemed the girl would sleep through possibly anything. Lexa lit a few candles and moved back to the bed, pulling a chair up to the side.  
“What is the story in there?” She asked, motioning to the book. She’d heard one of the Nightbloods asking the Chancellor what the things were and she knew they were books that held stories in marks on the paper.

“Oh um... Peter Pan. It’s sort of a kids book, but it’s one of my favourites.” Clarke admitted, looking down and stroking her hand over the front cover. Lexa nodded, offering Clarke another smile.

“Can you tell me about it?” She asked. Lexa knew that the sky people had stories, and she knew that Clarke liked to learn the stories from the books that the Chancellor had left with her. Clarke seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding and opening the book to the first page and starting to read.

Raven awoke slowly, recognising words being spoken nearby. It took a moment for them to become clear to her and she realised that Clarke was reading ‘Peter Pan’ aloud. Raven sat up and saw that some of the children she’d seen around Polis were settled on the bed and Lexa was in a chair, all listening to Clarke raptly. Raven wished she had some way to take a picture of this for Abby. She’d love to see how adored Clarke was by the people here.  
Deciding she’d just slip out and get breakfast, Raven sat up and started affixing her brace, ignoring the pain that was radiating through her leg. She knew she hadn’t put her brace on right when she’d jumped to her feet to help out Clarke in the middle of the night. Sighing, Raven resigned herself to stopping by her room on the way to get food in order to grab some of the painkillers that Abby had left with her.

She wasn’t noticed as she left the room. At least not by anyone in the room, though she realised. as she was walking down the hallway, she’d gained herself a little shadow. Raven slid into her room, locating the pain pills that Abby had left with her, and downing them happily. It would take some time for them to truly kick in, but until then, she’d get breakfast. And see if her shadow was still following her.

It didn’t take long for her to notice that yes, she was still being followed. Raven wondered what she’d done to earn herself this treatment. She reached the main eatery that they’d been shown on their first day in Polis. And there, sat hunched over and looking like he’d kill anyone who looked at him funny, was Bellamy. Raven sighed, and turned to face her shadow, planning on asking if they wanted her to get them anything. Which was when she noticed that the boy that had been following her was looking at Bellamy as if he wanted him to spontaneously combust.

“You don’t trust him either, huh?” Raven asked, raising an eyebrow. The boy shook his head, not even bothering to look guilty.  
“Good. Are you Aden?” Raven only knew one of the children by name, and it was the one that Clarke was the most attached to. Another nod and Raven grinned.  
“Come on kid. Lets go eat breakfast. We can talk about our mutual not-friend.” She motioned to Bellamy with her head. Aden seemed to consider it, still hovering near the door, before he relented and stepped towards Raven.

“Okay.”

Raven had found talking to Aden very enlightening. It turned out that the reason Bellamy hadn’t been able to get anywhere near Clarke while Abby had been in Polis was because he and the other children had been working to keep him away. Moving markers in hallways and getting him lost. They’d thought he’d left with Abby, which was how he was able to get in yesterday.  
And right towards the end of the conversation, Aden had expressed worry that Clarke would end up in a leg brace like Raven because of him. Raven felt her heart go out to him and explained, best she could, that Clarke would be fine and up again soon enough since she’d only broken her leg. She hoped she’d soothed his fears some.

Feeling a lot better about being busy all day, Raven ruffled Aden’s hair and headed towards the generator, calling out to Bellamy as she left.  
“See you at the build site when you’re done.” She didn’t get a response and she didn’t much care. She had work to do.

“Can you tell us another story, Klark?” One of the Nightbloods asked hopefully as Clarke closed the book, her cheeks tinged a slight red from all the eyes on her. Lexa seemed to pick up on Clarke’s uncomfortable feeling and clapped her hands quietly.

“Go and get breakfast. I am sure Flamekeeper has lessons for you. Let Clarke rest.” Lexa instructed. Although there were a few grumbles, the Nightbloods all said goodbye to Clarke and filed out of the room.

“Thanks...” Clarke mumbled, setting the book down and tugging lightly on the braids that Raven had put in her hair. Lexa nodded, smiling up at Clarke.

“You’re welcome. Are you hungry? I could fetch you some breakfast?” Clarke considered it, before nodding. She’d skipped dinner the night before after her altercation with Bellamy.  
“I won’t be long.” Lexa assured Clarke, standing from the chair and heading to leave the room.

Finally alone, Clarke relaxed into the bed and tugged on her braids lightly again. She knew that she needed to unpack her thoughts and feelings, but she couldn’t manage it. Every time she tried to think of things, the overwhelming voice in her head screamed about how Bellamy loved her and everything he did was for the best. That she was stupid and useless and a burden on everyone.  
And of course, that voice was correct, but Clarke wanted to look at the rest of her feelings. About Lexa, and staying in Polis.

She liked being in Polis. Clarke liked spending time with Aden, and learning the language and exploring the culture that was here. And she liked spending time with Lexa. Lexa was so nice to her. She smiled, and looked after Clarke. Honestly, Clarke knew that despite the reasons she gave Bellamy, most of the reason she was staying in Polis was because she’d found a friend in Lexa. It had been a long time since she’d had a friend. Not since Wells.

“I have your food, Clarke. Can I come back in?” Lexa was at her door. Clarke jumped at the sudden voice and hissed in pain as her leg spasmed.

“Yes...” She managed after a moment, bending over and clutching at her leg. That had hurt. Quite a lot.

“Clarke? Are you okay? Do I need to fetch the Healer?” Lexa asked, hurrying in and setting the bowls of hot food on the nearby table. She was almost instantly to Clarke’s side, hands hovering worriedly over her.

“No, no healer. I just... jumped and my leg spasmed. I’m okay.” Clarke sat up slowly, breathing out as the pain subsided. “I’m okay. Thank you.” Lexa relaxed herself, believing Clarke’s assurances. She gave back her own smile, and rescued the food.

“Can you eat?” Clarke nodded, reaching out to accept the bowl.

“Thank you.” Lexa grinned and reached into her clothing to pull an apple from the folds, holding it out to Clarke. Clarke raised an eyebrow as she accepted it.

“Now you’re just showing off.” Clarke chuckled, starting on the hot food first. Lexa grinned, snagging her own bowl and sitting back in the chair next to Clarke’s bed.

“Perhaps so. You say that like it’s a bad thing.” At this Clarke laughed, shaking her head.

“From you, I don’t think it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!  
> Now, I'm going to address something I have addressed before, but apparently some people are having trouble understanding.
> 
> No one can make a move against Bellamy. Not without massive Legal ramifications in the society they're trying to build. Allow me to give character specific examples:
> 
> Abby!  
> If Abby goes after Bellamy, without proof, baring in mind he is currently Skaikru's golden boy, that puts her in a shaky position. Abby knows that if she is not chancellor, a different emissary will be sent to Polis. Clarke will come home. She will be back under Bellamy's thumb and Abby will have no power to keep them apart.  
> Abby has to wait for Clarke to talk and until then just has to try and keep them separated, which she has tried to do. (Granted she hasn't been successful, but she's TRIED!)
> 
> Lexa!  
> Now, Lexa is the Commander of the Thirteen Clans. However, Skaikru is new to the coalition and their position is not a solid one. One wrong move at this moment in time means the treaty dissolves and the Grounders and Skaikru will be at war. There will be many lost, it may attract the attention of the Mountain Men, not to mention possibly bring about those trying to challenge Lexa's rule.  
> As much as she may like Clarke, as much as she cares about her, she is not risking war to save her. That's stupid as all hell even her Lexa.
> 
> Raven!  
> Raven doesn't have political power to do anything, nor any proof to bring accusations against him. She is also physically disabled, so if she tries to fight him, he'll win. And she knows what he does to girls who try and oppose him. She has no hope of besting him in any way so is instead focusing on Clarke.
> 
> Aden and the Nightbloods!  
> These kids are known as Lexa's heirs. THEY are aware of this fact. They are aware that anything they do well look like Lexa ordered it. So while they are keeping an eye and doing their best, they cannot take any direct action against him, because, well, see reasons listed as to why Lexa can't do anything.
> 
> Now I don't mind jokes about wanting Lexa to kick him off the tower. Trust me, I want her to do that too. Like, seriously so many times I've thought 'Fuck it, lets just have him die' because I HATE how this has panned out. However I'm having to think of this like Game of Thrones. Everyone is playing. They're all doing their best to protect Clarke and make sure no one else gets hurt.  
> But if I get more comments about how I'm trying to drag it out or how they should just kill him and be done with it that are serious, I might just fucking give up on this fic. I have this planned out. And basically, everyone is powerless UNTIL CLARKE SPEAKS OUT.
> 
> I'm not writing anything like this up again. I am tired of defending this point. I have thought it all through. I have a plotting partner who has helped me make sure that every moment of 'cause and effect' is perfect and realistic.  
> So either hang on for the ride or clear off at this point.


	16. The Radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven has finished the radio. Aden keeps his promise of keeping Bellamy away from Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind reviews on my last chapter. As this proves, more good reviews, quicker updates! So to be selfish and needy, gimme gimme~!
> 
> That aside, enjoy the goodness of the chapter!

The first thing Raven wanted to do once she realised that the radios were actually working was run to Clarke and let her speak to Abby. But she’d made a promise to Abby, after getting through to her, that she’d teach Lexa how to use the radio first.

It made sense, of course. It was a serious political tool to help their alliance solidify quicker, Raven knew that, she wasn’t an idiot. But she still so desperately wanted to make it up to Clarke after not noticing everything she’d been through. So it felt only natural that her first instinct was to show Clarke that now she always had a way to contact her Mom. She wasn’t alone here anymore and they’d listen to her.

Instead, she was stood in front of Lexa, holding the radio transmitter and trying not to throw it at the commander.

“Okay, it’s very simple.” Raven started again. This was the third time she’d explained it to Lexa, and it really didn’t seem to be sinking in. “You press this button here.” Raven pointed to the button on the side of the radio, before pressing it to show Lexa. “And then you say something into the box in your hand. Someone in Arkadia will hear it, and they will reply. Their voice will come out of this.” She nudged at the heavy speaker with her foot. “So you don’t need to send runners to give messages anymore.”

“Do I need to shout? I cannot imagine the small people in the box being able to hear me very well.” Lexa commented and Raven wanted to bounce her head off of a nearby pillar. That was until she noticed Lexa’s expression.

“You know how this works, don’t you?”

“I may have asked Clarke about it while you were still building it.” Lexa admitted, a smirk now blossoming over her face. Raven was struggling to find a polite way to start her next sentence. All that was actually coming to mind was ‘Now listen here you little shit...’ but she felt that might get her in a bit of trouble.

“So why the performance?” Raven settled on, raising an unimpressed eyebrow in Lexa’s direction. The smirk fell away and Lexa seemed to take a moment to think.

“I wanted to be sure that you and I are the same.” Lexa spoke in a measured tone, any hint of mirth having left her. Raven raised an eyebrow, wondering if she’d actually elaborate or leave it and just be mysterious. Lexa sighed, taking Raven’s arm and encouraging her to the balcony, giving them some bigger level of privacy.  
“I wanted to see whether your people are violent when frustrated. Whether that is the norm.” She explained, staring out over Polis. Raven frowned, wondering if she’d ever given off the impression that she might be violent.

“So you know too?” Raven asked after a moment, having figured out why Lexa had administered her, frankly irritating, test. Lexa didn’t speak for a moment, still just staring out over Polis.

“Don’t bring him back here, unless he’s in chains.” Lexa’s next words were strained, and Raven wondered whether it was held back anger or tears. Perhaps both. But Raven nodded none-the-less.

“Yeah. We’ll keep him away until she’s ready. Thank you, I know you’ve made an impression on her.” Raven shifted, wiping her hand on her pants to try and get rid of some of the grease that always lingered, before holding it out to Lexa with a grin.  
Lexa raised an eyebrow at the hand, before reaching and clasping Raven’s arm. They were both silent as they stood there for a moment. Raven felt like she’d found an ally, and Lexa knew that they were both working towards the same goal.

They stepped away and released each other in the same moment. More silence pervaded the air, before Raven sighed.

“So... Can I go take the radio to Clarke? I think she’d like to talk to her Mom.” Raven asked, her grin back. Lexa nodded, even smiling herself, a little.

“Yes, I think that is a good idea.” Lexa agreed. “Would you like my help carrying it? Clarke explained about your leg. Truly, I think...” Lexa hesitated, clearly not used to this kind of conversation. But after a moment, she finished her thought. “I think you’re very brave. Should you ever wish to leave Arkadia, there is a place for you here.” Raven paused, wondering why this made her feel rather proud of herself. She didn’t need other people to tell her she was brave or awesome, she knew that already. But for some reason, hearing it come from the Commander, the new Earths equivalent of a Queen, tell her that she was brave and welcome, it felt like something she’d needed to hear.

“Thanks.” Raven nodded, impressed that her voice wasn’t choked at all with the feelings in her chest. “And yeah, I’ll take that hand.” She added on, motioning to the equipment. “For someone with two good legs, it’s an easy carry. You and your guys will have no trouble hauling it anywhere it needs to be. But sometimes it needs to go sit near the generator and be plugged in, otherwise it’ll stop working.” Raven explained, showing Lexa the handles that were built into the speaker box, making it easier to lift and carry. Lexa lifted and nodded.

“I’ll remember.” She promised Raven.

Aden had been busy. It had been a long month, with that man being in Polis. And frankly, Aden was exhausted. But he knew that he was leaving soon. And so was the lady with the metal leg. They were going back to their city, and they weren’t taking Clarke. She was staying in Polis, with him and Heda.  
But with his exit looming, the Nightbloods were working over-time to keep him away from Clarke. He seemed desperate to get to Clarke, and Aden was determined that he’d rather die than allow that. He remembered how Heda had punched his Mother, when she had tried to reclaim Aden. He was willing to do that, if he had to. It would have consequences, most likely being that the man would turn his anger towards Aden, but Aden didn’t care. He’d do that for Clarke, like Heda had done for him.

Aden heard the footsteps and was quick in hanging a curtain to hide an identifying mark on the wall. Once he was sure it was hung, he dodged away from it, trying to look innocent just as the man rounded the corner.

“You.” He barked and Aden jumped slightly. “Which way to Clarke’s room. Tell me.” He was demanding, and Aden puffed himself up as big as he could. In reality, it was just around the corner. He didn’t want the man to realise that. And he didn’t want Clarke to know this man was so close.

“I’ll never tell you!” Aden insisted, trying to turn the man’s attention. Trying to make him angry. He could lead him away and get him further lost, but only if he got angry. “You’ll never find her, she’s safe from you now!” Aden was being stupid. He knew he was being stupid, antagonising someone who was clearly dangerous. But he had to protect Clarke while Heda wasn’t around. Clarke still needed time to get better, and he wasn’t going to let this man destroy her again.

Aden’s plan had worked. The man was angry, and moving towards Aden.

“What did you say?” Aden tried not to shake at the question directed at him. Suddenly, he was very afraid. He could truly see the monster that had hurt Clarke and made her so afraid of everything.

“I said she’s safe from you. I won’t let you hurt her again.” Aden kept himself as big as he could manage, clenching his fists to hide his fear.

“Now listen here...” The man started, and Aden took a step down the hallway, feeling both elated and terrified that his plan was working and the man made to follow him. “I don’t know what that bitch has been telling you, but when I get my hands on you, you won’t go telling tales to anyone.”

“You’ll have to catch me first!” Aden challenged, before starting to move down the hallway. He heard the heavy footsteps behind him and breathed a sigh of relief. His plan had worked, he’d get the man lost in Polis, make it so he could never find his way back to Clarke. And if he got caught, they’d all have proof of what type of person this man was. But Aden didn’t really want to be caught, he just wanted to get the man lost.

“Did you hear something?” Raven asked as they approached Clarke’s room, frowning slightly. She was certain she’d just heard running footsteps.

“Likely the Nightbloods. I know Titus had no lessons for them today.” Lexa said, clearly unconcerned. “They often run around here, especially now Clarke is bed-bound and tells stories from her books.” Raven accepted the explanation, watching as Lexa knocked on Clarke’s door, after nodding to the guards that stood nearby.  
“Clarke? I’m here with Raven, can we come in?”

“Yeah!” Clarke called from inside and Raven pushed the door open, holding it so Lexa could carry the radio inside.  
“Hi.” She greeted, setting down the book she’d clearly only moments ago been engrossed in, blissfully unaware of the outside world.

“I brought you a gift, before I go.” Raven said, grinning as she approached the bed. “Though your muscle here had to carry it.” Lexa rolled her eyes as Raven jerked a thumb in her direction. At the word ‘gift’ Clarke seemed to shrink, the smile falling from her face.

“A gift?” Clarke asked, her voice shaking just a little.

“The radio. I finished it, you can call your Mom. It... that’s all.” Raven assured her, cursing her choice of wording. Was there anything Bellamy hadn’t sullied for Clarke? She knew the answer to that, of course, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t angry about it. Raven motioned to the Radio that Lexa had set near the bed.  
“See? Nothing too special.” She was trying to pretend that Clarke just didn’t want to be spoiled. The realisation that it was just the radio did seem to help and Clarke relaxed slightly, looking at the box before back to Raven.

“You built it?”

“Yeah of course, I can do pretty much anything, remember?” Raven boasted, grinning at Clarke to try and get a smile in return. What she got was something close to a smile, and that was enough for now. At least Clarke didn’t look like she was expecting a strike. Well, no more than usual. “So, ready to talk to your Mom?” She asked, lifting the receiver to press the call button. Clarke nodded, though she still looked a little pale. “Arkadia? Is Abby around? I’ve someone here she’ll want to speak to.” There was a moment of static silence and Raven wondered whether the journey had jostled some of the wiring too much.

“Raven?” Abby’s voice filtered through the speaker, and Lexa’s eyes widened in amazement. It really did work, that was the chancellors voice coming out of the box. It was incredible.

“The one and only. But I’m not the one who’s calling.” Raven extended the radio towards Clarke with an encouraging smile. It took a moment for Clarke to accept it, pressing the button and breathing in before speaking.

“Hi Mom.” Her voice was quiet, and Lexa nudged at Raven, motioning to the door.

“We should give them privacy.” Lexa’s voice was low, not wanting to disturb Clarke. Abby’s voice started up again, and Lexa did her best not to listen as she and Raven left, allowing Clarke a chance at a private conversation with her Mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it~!
> 
> Time to start working on the next one now!


	17. They're Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Raven leave Polis. Lexa then goes to talk to Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally gets her chance to do something about Blemmy. It's not what you've wanted, but it's SOMETHING! Also soft Clexa fluff at the end!  
> (This is a pretty transitional chapter. I am not pleased with it, but I'm glad it's done and gone. And now I can work on the fanservice chapter haha)

Lexa had never thought she’d be thankful that Clarke was injured. But with her leg so bad, it was easy to say that she couldn’t go and see Raven and Bellamy off. Aden stood next to her, slightly breathless, though looking proud. She wondered if he’d been sparring with someone.

“Come on, Bellamy!” Raven’s voice rang through as she sat in the thing Skaikru called a Truck. Lexa did her best not to tense up as she heard the thudding footsteps coming up from behind. Bellamy himself also seemed to be out of breath, and when he rested against the Truck, Aden’s grin only grew.

“ _ What did you do? _ ” Lexa demanded of her prodigy, raising an eyebrow at him. Aden didn’t look at all guilty, and in fact seemed to look prouder still that Lexa had caught him.

“ _ He was trying to get to her. I drew him away. Now he’s leaving and she didn’t have to see him. _ ” Aden was being careful, not using Clarke’s name.

“ _ Did he threaten you?”  _ Lexa demanded, realising that there was  **finally** something she could do. It would be for Clarke, even if she wasn’t involved. The thought seemed to click in Aden’s head a second later and he nodded.

“ _ And he chased me. I was really scared, Heda. _ ” Lexa did her best to stop the smile, nodding and resting a hand on Aden’s shoulder.

“ _ Thank you. _ Bellamy, Raven, a moment?” Lexa stepped forward, lightly nudging Aden behind her and hoping he knew where she was going. She couldn’t see, but Aden had shrank back behind her, his face the picture of a boy who was terrified. He wasn’t, not really. He wasn’t afraid of  **anyone** in Polis, but he’d spent enough time actually afraid to know how to fake it.

“What’s up?” Raven asked, though Bellamy didn’t turn. He didn’t acknowledge her at all. Lexa cleared her throat.

“Bellamy,” Lexa’s word was sharp, her voice that of the Commander. Even Raven recoiled slightly. She’d never heard Lexa use that voice before, it was intimidating. Bellamy turned slowly, as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

“What?” He questioned, raising a lazy eyebrow. Lexa had to resist the need to knock his teeth down his throat. Diplomacy. That was the name of the game.

“Where were you, before you arrived here to leave?” Lexa’s demanding tone didn’t drop. Raven glanced back at the boy behind Lexa. He looked  **terrified** . And he’d arrived out of breath, only moments before Bellamy. She clicked just before Bellamy spoke.

“Taking a last look around your… city.” Bellamy spoke the word city as if it was dirty in his mouth. Lexa chose not to comment on that either.

“Is that so? So you weren’t chasing my Nightblood? You didn’t threaten him?” Her question was sharp, and one hand moved to rest on Aden’s shoulder. To his credit, Aden shrank back further, continuing to play the part of a frightened child. Bellamy scoffed, clearly feeling that she wasn’t worth a true answer.  
“Aden? Can you tell me what happened?” Lexa turned to her nightblood, keeping a hand on his shoulder. Aden made himself think of his Mother, using that to keep himself looking afraid.

“He asked me where Clarke’s room was… You said Raven was showing Clarke the box she made, so I said he should wait. He got mad, and tried to grab me so I ran. He chased me through the tower, and then I saw you, Heda,” Aden looked up at Lexa, seeing the way she was trying to hide a bright smile. “So I ran here. I’m sorry, Heda, I know I’m not meant to run from danger but-”

“Thank you, Aden.” Lexa cut him off, squeezing his shoulder, before turning back to Bellamy and raising an eyebrow. “Well? Do you deny it?” Bellamy let out another scoff. Raven stepped away from him. She didn’t want to be caught up in this.

“Of course I deny it. The kid’s a liar. All of you lie.” Raven winced and took another step back. Even Aden moved away from Lexa. Lexa herself took a moment to take a deep breath. These were the moments that Titus had attempted to warn her about, where diplomacy was better than violence. No matter how much she may want to strike the man who just insulted her prodigy, who hurt Clarke and probably countless others, she had to be careful.

“You’re no longer welcome here.” Lexa’s words dripped icicles and her eyes narrowed. Despite her desire not to escalate it to violence, she stepped towards him. If he was going to lash out, she’d rather it be at her. Especially since if he hit her, she had a perfect excuse to knock him into the dirt. “Aden does not lie, and certainly not to me. You are no longer welcome in Polis. You will never be welcome in Polis again. Should you set foot in my city after today, you will be imprisoned.” Raven sucked air through her teeth, but Lexa didn’t look at her.

Honestly, Raven was impressed. As she looked at Lexa, she saw the Commander that the Grounders feared and respected. She saw the boogeyman that the original 100 had been so fearful of. But, she also saw the woman that Clarke seemed to see. The one that would stand up and protect those who were smaller and weaker.

“This is ridiculous, you can’t do-”

“I can do whatever I wish with  **my** city.” Lexa took another step forward, seeming to realise that Bellamy wouldn’t swing for someone stronger than him. He didn’t like fights that he couldn’t win. “I can do whatever I wish to take care of  **my** people. You are a hero to your people, and have not threatened anyone in Skaikru,” Lexa resisted the need to add on ‘that they’ll admit’, this wasn’t the time for that. “Otherwise this would be a full banishment. But you have threatened someone who may be the future commander of our clans. You threatened a  **child** in my care. You should count yourself very lucky that all I am doing is banishing you from the Capital. Get into your truck, and leave.” Lexa didn’t wait to see if he had more to say. She turned her attention to Raven, and her demeanour changed nearly instantly. She relaxed, though kept a portion of her awareness on Bellamy, in case he decided he did want to fight.

“Raven, thank you for all you’ve done while you’re here. You are welcome back any time, there shall always be a bed for you in my home.” Lexa held her arm out to Raven with a smile. Raven barely hesitated as she gripped Lexa’s arm, beaming at her.

“Thanks, Commander. I might just take you up on that offer.” She agreed. ‘ _ Well done _ .’ Raven mouthed at Lexa, winking with a grin. Lexa nodded, her face not giving anything away. They seperated and Raven swung into the Truck. Bellamy was sat on the other side, and Lexa could see he was looking like a scolded child.  
“I’ll chat to you through the radio later.” Raven chuckled, starting the truck. The loud rumbling made both Lexa and Aden step back, clearly uncomfortable. “Bye guys!” The truck roared away, leaving Lexa and Aden stood in the dust.

“ _ Should we tell Klark? _ ” Aden asked after a while, looking up at Lexa hopefully. “ _ That he won’t be coming back again? She might like that! _ ” Lexa shook her head.

“ _ No. Klark isn’t ready for that yet. We tell her nothing. Come along, I’m sure Titus has things for you to be doing, Aden. And I should check in with Klark now. _ ” Lexa squeezed Aden’s shoulder, before nudging him back towards the tower. “ _ Off you go. _ ” She encouraged.

Lexa felt lighter than she had in a while as she headed towards Clarke room with a tray of food. Clarke was now  **truly** safe in Polis. Lexa trusted that Raven (and by some extension, Abby) would keep him away from the Radio, meaning that he now had no way of continuing his control over Clarke. She finally had the real space she needed to heal and move forward.

“Clarke?” Lexa carefully knocked on the door, balancing the food on her other arm. “I have food, may I come in?”

“Yeah, come in.” Clarke sounded happy. Lexa was smiling as she opened the door, beaming wider as she saw Clarke quickly putting down the talking part of the Radio. “Hey… did Bellamy and Raven leave okay?” Clarke asked hopefully.

“They did.” Lexa assured her, setting the food down on Clarke’s bedside table. “Did you enjoy talking to Abby?” Clarke looked slightly ashamed, though she reached for the bread.

“I did… But you can take it back now, I know it’s not for me…” Lexa reached over and patted Clarke’s hand carefully, giving her plenty of chances to pull back. But she never did.

“For now, it’s for you. Anything Abby may need to know, I have sent back with Raven. Unless there’s an emergency, you can keep the radio for a few days.” Lexa couldn’t help the fluttering at the sight of Clarke suddenly looking so  _ happy _ .

“Thank you!” Clarke twisted her hand and took Lexa’s, gripping her tightly. “Thank you.” She repeated, calming slightly.

“You’re welcome.” Lexa smiled back, squeezing Clarke’s hand. “You should eat, Clarke…” Lexa paused, considering it for a moment, before speaking again. “And then, would you read to me? I’ve missed the stories you tell the Nightbloods, because I’ve been busy.”

“Oh… yeah, sure.” Clarke’s cheeks coloured and she busied herself with her food suddenly. Realising that she’d embarrassed Clarke, Lexa too went quiet and turned to her meal. “You really like my stories that much?” Clarke questioned after a few minutes of silence.

“Yes. Our stories are all history. History of the first Commander, history of great battles, and those who won them. History of conclaves that didn’t go to plan, or things your parents parents did that were brave, or funny. But the stories I hear you telling the Nightbloods, about people who fly, girls who fall down holes and into other worlds, boys who can wave a stick and make, what was the word you used? Magic! Scary monsters that you can assure us do not exist, because they came from someone’s brain… We don’t have those, not really. They’re fascinating.” Now Lexa was the one who’s face was slightly flushed. Clarke was listening to her speak with her head tilted to one side, but she was smiling widely.

“I could teach you?” Clarke offered, refusing to look at Lexa.

“What?”

“The stories, they’re all written down. Aden said you guys don’t really do that, so I’ve been teaching him. He’s learning very quickly, actually. I could teach you as well, if you wanted?” Lexa realised what was being offered to her. Time, probably alone, with Clarke. A long time, and at the end of it, she’d be able to learn all of the information that Skaikru had.

“I’d like that.” Lexa agreed, trying not to sound too excited. Clarke was grinning as she nodded.

“We’ll start when I’ve eaten?”

“That sounds wonderful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will basically be all fluff! Look forward to it guys!


	18. Time Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa spend some quality time together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaddup all, this fic ain't dead!
> 
> I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to get this written (And I'll be amazed if anyone actually comes back for this!) but I've written up a plan for the rest of the fic, so you've a few more chapters and then I'll be done.
> 
> BUT I do have thoughts for a sequel already planned (and a spinoff oneshot too) so don't lose hope!
> 
> With that out of the way, enjoy the chapter!

Lexa had mastered the alphabet. She knew what each letter looked like when written down, and what sound they made, most of the time. Some of the time, she didn’t realise that they made different sounds when next to another letter. But she was getting better with that. And Clarke complimented her handwriting. She wrote very slowly, but it was apparently ‘neat’. And that was a good thing.

“Are you ready to try and tackle Peter Pan?” Clarke asked, smiling widely. Clarke had read the book to Lexa and the Nightbloods many times. And given that she didn’t have any simpler books, it would make a good place for Lexa to start. Lexa nodded, adjusting the chair next to the bed to try and be able to see the book.  
“You can sit up here with me…” Clarke didn’t look at Lexa, staring intently at the cover of Peter Pan.

“Are you sure? We could figure out some way to read with me down here, if that is more comfortable for you?” Lexa offered. She’d gotten good at reading Clarke’s face, even when Clarke was trying to mask her emotions. Her fear. So Lexa always gave her choices. Choices and options and means to control her environment, as much as possible.

“I’m sure. I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure.” Clarke finally looked up, managing an almost smile in Lexa’s direction. It was true. Clarke never felt that she had to give an answer just because it would make Lexa happy. In fact, Lexa seemed happiest when Clarke made a decision herself. And honestly, the more she thought about it, the more Clarke realised that  _ she _ was happier when she made her own decisions.

Lexa clambered onto the bed carefully, keeping herself a respectful distance from Clarke, but making sure she could see the Book. So she was surprised when Clarke shuffled a little closer, resting the book between them.

“Are you ready?” Clarke checked, opening the book to the first page. Lexa nodded, grinning, before focusing on the words before her. Her face scrunched as she fought to concentrate and put the words together, before beginning to slowly sound out the words on the page.

Clarke watched Lexa, smiling as the commander stuttered her way through the first page of Peter Pan. On occasion, Clarke would interrupt and correct Lexa’s pronunciation. She still seemed to have trouble with ‘Th’ and ‘Ch’. The amount of times Clarke had to correct Lexa from saying ‘tuh-he’ rather than ‘the’ would have made her laugh, if she were a crueller person.

They were reading until the sun went down, and Clarke realised that while Candle-light was fine when she was re-reading books she’d read many times before, it wasn’t sufficient for teaching someone to read.

“We didn’t finish the story.” Lexa pointed out, as Clarke slipped a bookmark in the book and closed it. “You normally finish.”

“We can carry on tomorrow. You might hurt your eyes if you strain in low light like this.” Clarke explained. Despite knowing that Polis was a safe place, and that Lexa had never hurt her before, she couldn’t stop the tiny twinge of fear that came with telling someone ‘no’. But that dissipated when Lexa nodded.

“Very well. Would you like something to eat?” Lexa herself hadn’t realised how late it had gotten. But seeing the sun so low, she had her own feelings of guilt that she had kept Clarke from eating.

“Yes please.” Clarke was smiling again. It struck Lexa like a spear, that there was colour to Clarke’s cheeks, and meat on her bones. The change had been relatively gradual, but looking at Clarke now, Lexa could barely see the frightened girl that had first arrived in Polis.

“I’ll see if they have your favourites.” Lexa said, clambering from the bed. She hesitated and motioned towards the bathroom. “Do you need some help, before I go and get food?” She checked. Clarke shook her head, playing with the ends of her hair. “I’ll see you in a moment then.”

Once Lexa was gone, Clarke called for the guards who were still stationed outside for help into the bathroom. It wasn’t that she thought Lexa would be angry with her, there was just some level of embarrassment about having Lexa help her do that. She didn’t care with anything else, but for some reason this one task was one Clarke didn’t want Lexa to have anything to do with.

Lexa returned to Clarke’s room just as she was getting herself comfortable in her bed again. Clarke was stretching slowly, following a routine her Mom had taught her, to keep the rest of her from suffering too much from being bed-bound.

Lexa waited for Clarke to sit up properly, before she handed over the plate of meat and fruit. Their hunting party had been very successful, so there was currently a bountiful supply of meat. They ate in silence, but it didn’t feel awkward to either of them. Despite the rough few weeks that had just passed, Clarke felt comfortable around Lexa. More so than any other person.

It was that closeness that spurred Clarke’s question, a few days later. They’d finally mastered Peter Pan, and were steadily moving through Clarke’s book collection. Although she’d kept Alice in Wonderland firmly hidden away for now. It felt rather cruel to expose Lexa to that tale.

“Where did you grow up?” Clarke asked as they closed another book. She hadn’t meant to ask, but the words had been spinning around her brain for so long that they finally tumbled out of her mouth. She almost instantly felt her cheeks heat up. Lexa blinked in shock at the question, before catching herself. She could easily give Clarke the lie that everyone else knew. About her being raised in Trikru as an orphan, Anya’s second, aware of her destiny from an early age. Or she could tell her the truth, trusting that Clarke wouldn’t tell anyone.

Lexa stood, sending away the guards outside and closing the doors to Clarke’s room. Clarke could practically hear her own heartbeat in her ears. She’d done it now, she’d finally asked a stupid enough question that Lexa was angry with her. Without even realising she was moving, Clarke tried to make herself as small as possible on the bed. Her body remembered the defensive position well, and adapted it around her leg. That was likely going to be hurt again, but there was nothing she could do to shield it from pain.

“Clarke?” Lexa sounded concerned. And far too far away to hit her. But she still could throw something. Clarke peered out anxiously, hoping her reaction time would be quick enough should there be a projectile. “I was just making sure we had privacy. I’m going to tell you something that not many other people know. But if having the door shut is making you uncomfortable, I could open it again?” Lexa offered. She felt ashamed at having not realised what her actions might look like to Clarke. With her looking and acting so much better these days, it felt easy to forget that she was still so damaged. So frightened of backlash against perceived wrongs. Oh how Lexa wished to kill that Bellamy boy.

“You’re not angry?” Clarke sounded suspicious, and still very frightened. Through her guilt and shame, Lexa made herself smile and shake her head.

“Not at all. Promise.” Clarke carefully unfurled, remaining tense and ready to move at the slightest hint of danger. She reminded Lexa of a prey creature, hiding from a predator. “Would you like the door open?” Lexa asked again, wanting to be sure that Clarke was comfortable with the situation.

“No, it’s okay.” Clarke shook her head. Lexa made her way back over, sitting next to the bed again. This time Clarke didn’t invite her up, clearly still not wholly convinced that the situation was benign.

“You asked where I grew up, I grew up in the forest, with my Mom.” Lexa began. “Everyone else in Polis believes a different story to this, which is why I shut the door and sent the guards away. It’s a secret, but I trust you with it.” While that was true, Lexa also hoped that if she opened up and gave Clarke one of her secrets, Clarke might do the same about what she’d suffered through.

“Why is it a secret?” Clarke’s brow furrowed slightly.

“I was supposed to be raised with Trikru. But when I was born, my own Mom noticed the colour of my blood. Of course, she knew what it meant. She knew that I was a Nightblood and would have to be sent away, I would have to be made into a warrior. So, in the middle of the night, she ran away from our tribe with me.” Lexa ran a hand over her face. It had been a long time since she’d thought about her Mom. So long, that she’d forgotten the word in English, until Clarke had re-taught it to her. “She raised me alone, and only spoke to me in this tongue. I was taught that if I ever saw anyone other than her, I was to run and hide until they went away, and then to tell her straight away.”

Clarke’s face was, for once, unreadable to Lexa. Though she was trying. It was strange, actually telling someone this, and to be getting no feedback was making it stranger for Lexa. But that wasn’t going to stop her telling her story.

“One day, when I was a little younger than Aden is now, my Mom walked into a Hunters trap. I think it was an accident, but either way she was killed.” Lexa could read Clarke’s face now. Shock and upset. Lexa looked away, knowing that if she let Clarke start speaking, she’d never finish. “I found her, and I forgot everything she’d taught me.” Lexa continued quickly. “I understood that Hunters traps killed animals, but for some reason I didn't understand what it had done to her. So when the Trikru party returned to check their trap, I was still there, waiting for her to wake up.” Lexa could hear Clarke moving, and then felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked back up to find Clarke looking concerned.

“You don’t have to carry on, if it’s hurting you.” Clarke pointed out. Lexa realised, with a strange burst of pride, that Clarke was mimicking the tone that she used, when Clarke was upset. Lexa shook her head.

“I’m nearly finished.” She assured Clarke. “And it’s nice. To be able to say it aloud.” Clarke squeezed Lexa’s shoulder, and didn’t move away. Taking a deep breath, Lexa continued. “Anya was with them, and when they went to pick me up, I remembered that I was meant to run and hide. So I tried. But I tripped on a tree root, and I was far smaller than them. Anya managed to catch me and take me back to her horse. Which was when she noticed the colour I was bleeding.” Lexa sighed. “She did her best to keep me hidden as she taught me Trigedasleng, and how to fight. But it couldn’t last forever, and eventually I was taken to be with the other Nightbloods, to prepare for the Conclave.”

Lexa expected many responses to the end of her story. What she hadn’t expected was Clarke leaning off of the bed precariously to wrap her in a tight hug. Not that she was in any way complaining. Lexa twisted in her seat to hug back, and to support Clarke and prevent her from falling.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Clarke finally spoke, after a few silent moments of them simply holding one another. Lexa shook her head, wondering when Clarke was going to let her go.

“There’s nothing that can be done to change it.” Lexa pointed out. “So I just try not to think of it too often. As far as everyone else in Polis is concerned, Anya raised me to be her second, from being an Orphaned member of Trikru. Anya didn’t think that our people would respect a leader who had been raised as an outsider.” Lexa felt Clarke nodding against her, and they went silent again for another few moments.

“Lexa?” Clarke finally asked. Lexa hummed in answer, wondering what she was about to be asked. Or possibly told. “Can you help me sit back up? I’m stuck.”

Lexa hadn’t meant to laugh, but she couldn’t help herself as she helped Clarke back into a sitting position on the bed. Thankfully, Clarke was laughing too.

“I can’t wait for this cast to be gone.” Clarke admitted, through her chuckling. “Anika says another week or so, and then I can start walking short distances again.” Lexa nodded, glad that Clarke was saying nothing more about her story. “Thank you.” Clarke said in a rush, before going red and quickly trying to clarify. “For sharing, a-and trusting me, with the secret. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I know. I wouldn’t have told you if I thought you were untrustworthy, Clarke. But you’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, quick little note here to let y'all know that I've set up a [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/lesbodyke). I expect absolutely nothing from any of you, but if you like my writing and can spare a little something to toss my way, I'd be endlessly grateful!
> 
> That being said, I'm also endlessly grateful for every hit, Kudos and Comment and I love all of you who have stuck with this fic and my awkwardly bad update schedule!


	19. A Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper reveals some information and the wheel of justice starts turning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINALLY HERE!  
> THE BEGINNING OF THE END, SO TO SPEAK!
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy it. Tho it's not a nice chapter so I don't think 'enjoy' is the right word...
> 
> (TW: Repeated mentions of rape & violence)

Octavia didn’t mind border duty, most of the time. But then, most of the time she got to do border duty with Lincoln. But today, she was stuck with Jasper. It wasn’t that Octavia  _ disliked _ Jasper, but even with his early heroism, he’d never really done anything with himself and seemed a little fearful of everyone.

But border duty was easy enough. Just walk the border of Skaikru land (the irony of a tribe being named for the sky and needing land wasn’t lost on Octavia) and check the further out hunting traps. She’d occasionally bump into someone from Trikru, performing much the same job. Her Trigedasleng was competent enough that she could hold a proper conversation. And despite the rocky start to their relationship, the Commander accepting Skaikru as a tribe (and the rather intense apologising the grownups had done for their ‘wayward youth’), had made it so that Octavia could almost consider some of the Trikru border patrol-people friends.

“Keep up will you!” Octavia called over her shoulder, rolling her eyes and shifting the spear around her grip. She wasn’t to be trusted with their guns. She heard Jasper stumbling slightly as he scrambled to catch up to her. He was new to this job, apparently he’d been removed from the farming job for much the same reason as he’d been originally imprisoned. Turned out some people didn’t learn with age. “We’re nearly at our old camp, that’s a rest point.” She said, turning and walking backwards for a minute, just to take Jasper in.

“Our… the dropsite?” Jasper’s voice jumped a couple of octaves as he asked the question. Octavia nodded.

“Yeah. Took me a while to get comfortable going back there too. But it’s not too bad. There’s flowers growing now, it’s almost pretty.” Octavia admitted, spinning to walk forward again. “Don’t lag too far behind. We do this job in pairs for a reason.” The reason for this pairing was that Jasper was apparently trusted with a gun. Octavia tried not to let that sting too much as she shifted her grip on her spear again. But the main reason for pairing was safety. While Trikru was no longer a threat, there were all number of dangerous creatures in the woods (most of whom were rather nice, if cooked properly). Skaikru couldn’t really afford to lose anyone of fighting age, if it was avoidable.

More stumbling, and a few choice curse words, sounded from behind Octavia. And then Jasper was walking level with her, clutching the gun he’d been given to his chest.

“Have you ever been in any danger? With this job, I mean.” Jasper was quick to correct, catching the look on Octavia’s face in answer to his original question. Octavia shrugged, keeping most of her focus on the forest around them.

“There’s been a few animals taking their chances. And once I mis-translated while talking to some Trikru, that was nearly an incident.” Octavia let out a quick burst of laughter, shaking her head. “Thankfully Lincoln was there to smooth that one over.”

“Grounders are still a threat.” Jasper muttered the words, and Octavia chose not to respond. She knew it was an opinion held by many in Arkadia, but not one that she shared. She’d gotten into a few arguments, mostly with Bellamy, about how they were the offending party and the Grounders weren’t the wolf in sheeps clothing that people wanted to paint them as. Normally it seemed that Bellamy humoured her, but when she brought up that he left Clarke in the Capital, despite thinking Grounders dangerous, he’d exploded. The outburst of anger and yelling might have scared someone else, but Octavia hadn’t been able to stop laughing at the redness of Bellamy’s face. They’d not spoken for a week after that.

Shaking herself from her thoughts, Octavia noticed the change in the ground beneath their feet. The well worn track was giving way into a larger flattened down section. The ‘road’ that the original hundred had made, to come and go from their base camp.

“We’re nearl-Jasper?” Octavia turned to find her partner staring at a little off-path, looking slightly like he’d seen a ghost. “What is it?” Octavia shifted her grip on her spear again, holding it ready for an attack. She dropped slightly, and inched her way towards her partner, following his eyeline. There was nothing there, that Octavia could see, but something had spooked Jasper. “What is it?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper, her ears feeling like they twitched to try and catch every sound.

All Octavia could see was a path, and then a slight wall of brambles. Not caring if Jasper followed her (he had a gun, he could take care of himself), Octavia moved forward slowly, peeling back the brambles to step through them. She found herself in a clearing, with a log about half the size of one of the trees standing in the middle, and nothing moving anywhere nearby. The log seemed to have some friction damage, Octavia noted as she examined it. But no claw or scratch marks. This was probably somewhere Bellamy had punished outliers. She hadn’t paid much attention to how the Camp was being run, before the ‘war’ had truly started. She’d been too busy enjoying her freedom.

The thought of punishment smacked Octavia in the face a second time, as she remembered Jasper. Back on the main path, white as a sheet. Perhaps the friction marks on the log had come from him. She couldn’t remember anything he might have done, but she had been gone for days at a time with Lincoln, so anything could have happened.

Octavia stepped carefully back through the brambles and rested a hand on Jasper’s shoulder, trying to guide him away from his spot. She’d work on getting the story out of him once they were sat down at the dropsite.

“Come on.” Octavia’s voice was softer than it had been the entire time she’d been working with Jasper. And it seemed to snap him out of whatever reverie he was in, as he began to follow behind Octavia again, looking over his shoulder a lot.

It took them five minutes to reach the dropsite. Octavia dumped her pack next to one of the logs they’d used as seating, and sat, routing through to find some food.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Octavia pointed out. “I know things were crazy when we first fell. But I’ll listen if you do wanna talk. And I won’t tell anyone.” She made a point of that last sentence. She wouldn’t tell anyone, because there was nothing to be done for it. If Jasper had done something not worth punishment, there’d be no good to come of making a fuss about it now. But just getting it off his chest might help. “Here.” Octavia tossed him a flask of water, and held out a bag of nuts and berries as well.

Jasper took both, and sat opposite Octavia. He seemed to be weighing the choices up in his head. The colour hadn’t yet returned to his cheeks. Octavia started on her own lunch, giving him the time to think about whether he wanted to open up.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” Jasper finally spoke, almost making Octavia jump. She nodded, locking eyes with him for a second and drawing an X over her chest.

“Cross my heart. Not a soul.”

“It was Bellamy’s idea. We were all kinda hungry, and some of the boys were getting fight-happy, because they were frustrated. You were out somewhere, so there was no one to really talk sense into him…” Jasper was looking anywhere but Octavia, and could feel the shame rising, like bile, up his throat. “We were taken out there one by one, I was nearly last. No one would tell me what was going on, but they all said it was the most relaxing thing and they weren’t frustrated anymore. I thought, maybe, there was some dead animal or something, that Bellamy was letting them punch. Since none of them were injured, I didn’t think they were out there fighting him.”

Octavia frowned, struggling to piece together what she was being told. Whatever it was, it likely wasn’t good. Jasper looked like he was about to throw up.

“Monty went before me. He came back shaking, and said he hadn’t been able to go through with it. But with the others he said he did, because that was the easiest way not to be found out. He told me to fake it, but he didn’t get the chance to explain what was going on, because Bellamy was back and telling me to follow him. We didn’t argue with Bellamy, not then, not now even. He was the boss, he kept us all alive. Arguing with him meant… bad.” Jasper wasn’t aware that he’d started crying until he tasted the salt on his lips. Octavia felt glued to her seat. She wanted to offer comfort, but had the feeling that what was coming would quite possibly the worst thing she’d ever heard. And her brother was right there in the middle of it. The organiser.

Octavia had spent a lot of time lying to herself about her brother. She knew Bellamy would never hurt  _ her _ , so she didn’t think of him as a threat. To anyone. And if any evidence came up that he might be a danger to someone, she ignored it. Pretended it didn’t exist, that it never happened. But it was all adding up inside of her, no matter how hard she tried to pretend that it wasn’t.

“We got to the brambles and Bellamy told me to work out all my frustrations, however I wanted. We were far enough away that no one would hear. And then to come back to camp when I was done.” Jaspers hands were shaking, and he gripped at his knees to try and stop them. “It was Clarke. Tied to that log.” He could only manage the seven words, before his stomach fought against the recollection. He retched, spitting up slightly. “I didn’t-I-I couldn’t, I just… stood there.” He spat the rest of the words out in a rush.

Octavia was silent, her face unreadable. Jasper continued his breakdown, curling in on himself as if that would help him feel better.

“Jasper.” Octavia’s voice was like steel, and while Jasper had been actively trying to look anywhere but at Octavia, he suddenly found himself unable to look away. “What. Had they been doing to Clarke?” Each word was sharp, and there was a slight tremor in Octavia’s hand. Barely concealed rage, waiting to fly free and destroy everything.

“Everything.” Jasper’s voice had become hoarse from crying and retching. “She wasn’t… I mean she was… naked. And she looked bad. I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there for a few minutes and then I ran away!” He was trying to defend himself now. Trying to make it seem like he was better for never touching her.

It was Octavia’s turn to feel sick. She’d been so obsessed with her new freedom, with Lincoln, with not having to hide, that all of this had gone on under her nose. Of course, she’d seen Clarke injured a lot, but Clarke always had a handy reason for her injuries. Or Bellamy did. Bellamy. Her brother had engineered this situation, had put someone out there to be used and beaten and god knows what else. And probably a lot more that she’d never noticed.

Octavia moved with speed, snatching the gun from Jasper’s lap and standing. “On your feet.” She demanded of him. Jasper looked terrified, and all Octavia could think was a single, vindictive word.  _ Good _ .

“You promised!” Jasper begged, shaking in his seat still. “You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone!”

“I don’t care!” Octavia was yelling now, her rage leaking through her thin composure and exploding outwards at Jasper. “I don’t care what I promised. You can’t believe that I’d hear this and not want to do something about it!? For fucks sake, Jasper! Clarke is living with this! And all of those boys who didn’t ‘just stand there’, they’re all walking around, knowing what they did, and getting away with it!”

“Your brother-” Was Jasper’s next attempt at self preservation. It didn’t work.

“My brother deserves everything he gets for this!” As Octavia spoke the words, she knew they were true. If Bellamy had really been the ringleader for this, then he deserved whatever punishment he got. She may love her brother, but no one should ever get away with something like this. “Now get up!” Octavia demanded again, watching as Jasper shakily got to his feet. “We’re going right back to Arkadia, and you’re going to own up to what you did.”

“I didn’t-”

“You did. You didn’t help. You didn’t tell until now. You may not have ‘done’ as much as the others did, but you did.” The words snarled through Octavia’s lips as she motioned for Jasper to walk in front of her. “Move.”

It had been a quiet day, for Abby. She had a call with Clarke arranged for the evening, so had been on cloud nine all day. Every time she spoke to her daughter, she sounded better. And in the progress reports that Lexa shared, not so secretly, after official business, Clarke was apparently thriving in Polis.

Her cast had finally come off, and Abby had explained how to make proper crutches, so that Clarke could safely get around. Apparently, she was already off chasing the children that lived in the tower. Nightbloods, Clarke and Lexa called them. Things were finally improving.

And things were going well for Abby herself, of course. Raven had moved into Abby’s quarters. That had been some adjustment, given how Raven wasn’t exactly the neatest person in her personal life. But they were happy.

“Heya Doc.” Speaking of Raven. Abby looked up from the paperwork she’d been reading over. Something about the Farmers wanting more space, wanting to expand further beyond the walls of Arkadia. And a counter to that proposal, about the manpower needed to start such a thing, and how they couldn’t spare that. Not with their guard numbers ever dwindling.

“Morning, sweetheart.” Abby greeted, setting the papers aside for now. That issue wasn’t going to be resolved today.

“Afternoon, actually. I brought you lunch.” Raven held up the two tray’s she was carrying, stepping into Abby’s office and setting one on her desk. “Figured we could eat together, since you keep sneaking out of bed criminally early.”

“Some of us don’t get to be lazy grease monkeys.” Abby teased, though it didn’t surprise her that she’d lost track of time and missed lunch again. Even when there was ‘nothing’ for her to do, there was always too much to do.

“I am  _ not _ greasy!” Raven protested, grinning playfully. Abby shook her head, smiling down at her tray of food. It felt strange, to be acting the lovesick teenager at her age. But Abby was finding that it suited her, in a way. Maybe it was just Raven. Raven definitely suited her.

“Maybe not now I’ve cleaned you up.”

“I am offended!” Raven scoffed, settling down comfortably in one of Abby’s chairs. “So offended, I think I might with-hold kisses.” Abby snorted. She might be acting like a love-addled fool, but that game was one step too far for her.

“Whatever you say, dear.” Raven was clearly about to answer again, when Abby’s doorway filled with a very frightened looking Jasper, and Octavia, who looked like she wanted to burn Arkadia to the ground. “Did you find something on patrol?” Abby asked, worry instantly ruining her good mood.

“We didn’t finish Patrol.” Octavia spoke through gritted teeth. The journey back to Arkadia had been shorter than their one out, and each step had only filled Octavia with more anger. “Chancellor, Jasper has something to tell you. I think it’s best if you’re the only one to hear it.”

“I know when I’m not wanted.” Raven stood, kissing Abby’s temple. “Yell, and I’ll come running. I won’t be far.”

“No running on that leg.” Abby instantly responded, before nodding and watching Raven leave. Octavia practically kicked Jasper into her office and slammed the door behind her “Now, what’s this about? You know I don’t sort out petty squabbles-” Abby started, looking between them. Octavia cut her off.

“Most of the hundred boys raped Clarke.” Octavia spat the words, and they hung heavily in the office. Jasper looked like he might throw up again, and Abby was clearly only just holding onto her composure.

“That’s a serious accusa-” Again, Octavia cut Abby off, this time by rather violently bumping Jasper.

“Speak. Tell her what you told me.” Jasper didn’t speak. If looks were anything to go by, he was about to pass out. Octavia scoffed, deciding to do it herself. “Ask Monty. Bellamy organised it, and they all took turns.” Abby knew she shouldn’t be happy to hear this news. Abby knew that she was meant to be devestated and angry, and she was. But this felt like the best news she’d had in a while.  _ Someone _ was accusing Bellamy of something. Clarke had back-up, and with her doing so well in Polis, she might finally get her justice. She might finally be truly free of that boys control. Keeping her expression measured, Abby lifted the radio that connected to Kane.

“Kane, bring Monty Green and Bellamy Blake to my office. Now.” She set the radio down, and motioned to the seat that Raven had only just vacated. “Jasper, sit. Octavia, thank you for bringing this to my attention. Might I suggest you go and deal with your emotions? Without injuring anyone.” Abby added on that last part quickly. She could see the anger in Octavia’s eyes, an anger they shared, but it wouldn’t be helpful in getting the truth from these boys. For a second, it seemed like Octavia might fight her. Before she deflated a little and nodded.

“Yes Chancellor. If you could-” This time, Abby got to cut Octavia off.

“I’ll update you on the situation in due time. Off you go.” Octavia managed an almost respectful nod, before she left the office, leaving Abby alone with Jasper. “Did you lay a finger on my daughter?” Her voice was still deceptively calm, and almost friendly. But there was a threat there. She was a Doctor, after all. Jasper shook his head emphatically.

“I never! I just… stood there, and then I ran away. I couldn’t go through with it.” Abby sighed, running her fingers through her hair.

“Was it Bellamy?” She asked after a moment. That was the important part. As much as Abby would like to deal with every shit-stain who’d lain hands on Clarke, Bellamy was the big fish. He had to go down, or none of it would mean anything. This time Jasper nodded.

“We didn’t talk about it, because he was keeping us alive. But almost everyone knew. Clarke had bruises a lot, and always did what he said… He stopped a little when Raven arrived, because she wasn’t afraid of him like we were…” Now that the fear of Octavia killing him was leaving his system, Jasper was mostly just overwhelmed with guilt. Why hadn’t he done anything to help? “No one really cared, because it meant he looked after us, and didn’t take it out on the rest of us. I’m sorry…” Jasper didn’t look up. If he had, he’d have seen the set of Abby’s jaw. The anger that was over-taking her system. No one had helped her daughter.

A knock on the door broke the tense silence. Jasper’s head whipped round, and the tears started again. This time out of fear. He’d heard the Chancellor call for Bellamy, and he’d spilled the big secret. Bellamy was going to kill him.

  
“Come in, Kane.” Abby instructed, having regained enough of her composure to be able to deal with the next hurdle. Kane was flanked by Monty, who looked confused, and Bellamy. The sight of him, so arrogant and unconcerned, made Abby want to throw her lunch tray at him. But she didn’t. Instead, she actually smiled.   
“Mr Blake, if you could wait outside for a few minutes while I have a quick discussion with Mr Green and Mr Jordan.” Bellamy shrugged, and slouched against the wall in the corridoor. Abby dismissed Kane with a flick of her hand, and he shut the door behind Monty.

“She knows!” Jasper spoke before Abby could, and Abby found herself very tired of being interrupted by children.

“Yes. I know about what happened with Clarke.” Abby confirmed, motioning for Monty to sit. “I want you to confirm what Jasper has told me. In your own words, what happened?”

“That night in the clearing.” Jasper explained, and Abby simply nodded. Monty swayed on his feet, before almost falling into the seat that Abby had suggested he take.

As he explained, about how everyone was stressed, and how Bellamy had said he had a solution, Abby found herself almost disassociating. She’d transcended anger at this point, and was pretty certain that if she let herself feel whatever this was for too long, it would destroy her.

“Can you-” This time Abby cut herself off, struggling for a second, before continuing. “Can you describe exactly the state that Clarke was in?” She asked, looking between the two boys, once Monty had finished his tale. Both were crying, but she found herself not really caring.

“Uh…” It was Jasper that started. He’d had longer to come to terms with the fact that they’d been discovered and were going to be punished for this. “The was sorta… starting to turn blue? Not, like, a berry or anything. But she was shivering and really cold.” Abby nodded, making note of everything he was saying.

“She had a black eye. It was all swollen, so I don’t think she could see us very well.” Monty added on. He’d gotten closer than Jasper had, out of fear that Bellamy could still be watching. He wished he’d just ran away. “And her stomach was bruised. They were fresh.”

“Bruised how?” Abby asked, telling herself that she was listening to the description of someone else. Someone who was not her daughter.

“Like… a bunch of people had punched her.” Monty settled on, shifting uncomfortably and wiping his eyes. “There were uh… scratch marks pretty much everywhere. And a few bite bruises.” The image of Clarke tied to that log was seared into his brain. No matter how hard he tried not to think of it, it could be conjured up at a moments notice, letting him see every injury as if it had been yesterday, not nearly a year before.

“Anything else?” Abby asked, having noted down everything Monty had told her so far. The only thing that was getting her through was the knowledge that she’d be able to throw this at Bellamy. That these two cowardly boys would be his downfall.

“Her uh… legs were umm… covered… umm…” Monty shifted again, suddenly unable to find the words. Abby knew the one he was looking for.

“Semen?” She suggested, feeling the anger rise up within her again. Monty just nodded. “Very well.” Abby breathed out in a steady stream. “You two are in serious trouble. As are the other boys. However, there is only one door out of here, and I don’t want Bellamy too suspicious before I question him. So,” Abby lifted the radio again. “Kane, Monty Green and Jasper Jordan will be reporting to the prison in the next few minutes. If they don’t arrive, track down and arrest.”

“By themselves?” Kane’s question came back, clearly uncertain. Abby made eye contact with both boys, before answering.

“Yes.” She removed her finger from the radio button, and stared both boys down. “I believe you’re trying to make up for what you didn’t do, back then, by being honest. Prove it to me, and go there on your own. It may even earn you some mercy.” Monty and Jasper both nodded, scrubbing at their faces to try and stop the tears. “Good. Now both of you get gone.” Abby demanded, once their faces looked calm enough. Monty and Jasper scurried from her office. And true to their instructions, presented themselves at the Arkadia prison moments later.

“Ready for me now?” Bellamy seemed wholly unconcerned with the whole ordeal, and Abby clenched her fists beneath her desk.

“Yes. Come in, shut the door behind you, and take a seat.” Abby instructed, actually amazed at her own self control in this situation. She wasn’t afraid of Bellamy, but she wasn’t stupid, and had located the gun she kept in her desk while Monty and Jasper had been leaving. It now rested on her lap, hidden from Bellamy’s view and ready to be used if he decided to be less than co-operative. There was also the alarm button, that would bring many people running to her.

“So?” Bellamy asked, lounging in the chair and raising an eyebrow at Abby. Abby was finding it difficult to keep her cool.

“I wanted to talk to you about something that happened not long after you originally arrived on Earth.” He was going to be arrested either way, Abby already knew that. They had two witnesses who had sold him out. But she wanted a chance to see if she could get any information out of Bellamy herself. This did make Bellamy sit up straighter, and his raised eyebrow lowered itself and its twin into a slight furrow.

“What?” He asked, and Abby could see him trying to come up with a cover story already. She wasn’t going to buy it, whatever he suggested.

“I’ve had reports of a sickening act of gang rape, against Clarke.” The words made Abby want to scrub her mouth out. They were words that no one should have to say about anyone, let alone their own flesh and blood. Bellamy remained in the same position, with the same expression of almost mild bewilderment. “Orchestrated by yourself.” She added on. That was the trigger button, and Bellamy exploded into anger.

“That lying bitch is making up stories about me!” That was all he managed to get out before Abby pressed the alarm and stood, gun trained on Bellamy. As much as she wanted to, she’d get nothing if she shot him in the head. Her aim was for one of his legs. “Your stupid daughter was whoring herself out, I  _ saved _ her from them!” If the situation wasn’t so serious, Abby might have laughed at such a ridiculous twisting of the truth. “You won’t shoot me.” Bellamy scoffed, shaking his head and turning, as if planning on storming out of Abby’s office. But just as he was about to open the door, it swung open to reveal Kane, backed by a handful of guards.

“Chancellor?” Kane questioned, looking between Abby’s drawn gun and Bellamy. Abby lowered her weapon slowly, glad that the wall of bodies was preventing Bellamy from leaving. Although she had rather been looking forward to the chance to take her metaphorical pound of flesh in the form of a gunshot.

“Arrest Bellamy Blake. Charges to be released at a later date.” Abby instructed. And, despite looking confused, Kane followed the orders given. As Kane was handcuffing Bellamy, Bellamy turned to face Abby again, basically snarling.

“No one will believe you, or that little whore. I’m the hero, and she’s nothing.” Abby couldn’t stop the cold smirk that curled her lips.

“Thank you, Bellamy. For saying that in front of witnesses. Get him out of my sight.” And, still kicking and screaming, Bellamy Blake was led away from the Chancellors office and away to a prison cell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, quick little note here to let y'all know that I've set up a [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/lesbodyke). I expect absolutely nothing from any of you, but if you like my writing and can spare a little something to toss my way, I'd be endlessly grateful!
> 
> That being said, I'm also endlessly grateful for every hit, Kudos and Comment and I love all of you who have stuck with this fic and my awkwardly bad update schedule!


	20. The Process Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby struggles to think what to do with Bellamy. Clarke and Lexa have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I write a new update for this now, I'm reminded that it's almost over. That two years of work is almost complete... it's weird, but a kinda nice feeling.
> 
> Anyway, hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

Abby sank back into her seat, running her fingers through her hair and breathing out slowly. Her hands were shaking as she thought through the events of the past hour. Looking down, Abby saw the notes she’d taken during her interview with Monty and Jasper, and all the feelings she’d been pushing down during the revelations came racing back up.

“FUCK!” Abby screamed the word at the sky, her entire body shaking. Without realising what she was doing, Abby began to destroy her desk, tossing everything aside, just desperate to get her emotions out into the world. She was breathing heavily, still sat, staring at the chaos she’d wrought on her office when the door opened just a little.

“It’s only me, please don’t throw things!” Raven called through the door, barely peeping through. Abby slumped, elbows on her desk and her head in her hands. Her anger was rapidly draining and being replaced with hollow sadness. Raven picked her way through the destruction until she was next to Abby, resting a hand on her back. “At least we got him.” Raven pointed out softly, ready to duck back.

Abby let out a noise that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh, shaking her head into her hands. “I don’t know what to do with him.” Abby admitted into her hands. Raven thought for a moment, before speaking carefully again.

“You could ask the Commander. I mean, Clarke should get some say, right? But if she’s not ready to talk, then the Commander might have some idea?” There was a pause where Raven was half certain Abby was going to yell at her, or possibly start throwing things again.

“How did I get so lucky with you?” Abby finally asked, looking up at Raven and almost smiling. There were tear tracks down her cheeks, and her eyes were already starting to puff up and turn red. Raven was about to answer when Abby pulled her down into a tight hug. It threw Raven off balance for a moment, until she was able to grab at the desk to steady herself.

“Must have done something good in a past life.” Raven teased, using her other arm to squeeze Abby. “I’ll fetch you the long distance Radio. You were going to talk to Clarke tonight anyway, right?” Abby nodded, but made no move to release Raven just yet. “I’ll go in a few minutes.” Raven mumbled, stroking her non-balancing hand over Abby’s back softly.

Lexa enjoyed few jobs as much as training the Nightbloods. She loved to watch them grow in their skills, while also hoping that they were skills that the Nightbloods would never truly need.

And to make the day better, Clarke had been allowed to move around with her crutches. And with a little help from Lexa and Aden, Clarke had joined them down in the training grounds. She was watching the drills with interest, amazed at what these children could do. And Clarke couldn’t help but watch and try and imagine Lexa as a child, desperately trying to catch up with her peers and master these moves.

Watching Lexa now, Clarke couldn’t imagine her being the scared child that Lexa had described herself as. It was incredible to her, to see Lexa lead, knowing where she came from.

“Hello, Clarke.” Aden flopped next to Clarke, grinning at her widely. Clarke tore her eyes away from Lexa, and smiled at Aden. He was red faced and sweating, but looked immensely pleased with himself.

“Good morning, Aden. You were doing well out there.” Clarke praised, having been watching him in between her bouts of watching Lexa. Aden puffed up slightly, clearly glad that he’d managed to impress Clarke.

“When your leg is better, I can teach you some if you want?” Aden suggested. He’d decided that he wasn’t going to teach Clarke to climb anymore, because he didn’t want her to fall and get hurt again. But teaching her some of the staff moves would be safe enough, he was certain.

“I think we’d better ask Lexa before you promise that.” Clarke pointed out, chuckling a little and ruffling Aden’s hair. Aden grinned, looking remarkably proud of himself.

“We can’t get in trouble if Heda never catches us.” Clarke bit back a groan, shaking her head at Aden. But still, she was smiling at him. She knew that they had a strange sort of kinship that came from a shared experience that neither wanted to talk about. She knew that Lexa had been the one to take Aden away from a bad situation and look after him. And now Lexa was looking after Clarke as well.

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea.” Clarke managed to say, still shaking her head. Aden shrugged, going silent as he relaxed next to Clarke. It was an easy silence, and Clarke was beginning to find that she was no longer anxiously anticipating the next move, the next word quite so much, when sat in silence with someone. Especially not with Aden and Lexa.

“How did you do that?” Aden asked after a few moments of silence, pointing to the doodles that Clarke had done on her cast while she was bored. One of them was even in the blue of the felt-tip that Aden had given her.

“Mostly with charcoal.” Clarke admitted, before tapping the blue one with a smile. “Except this one. I did this one with the colour stick you gave me.” Clarke had remembered what Aden had called the felt-tip, and used that to explain.

“Wow…” Aden leaned forward, examining the drawings. “What is that?” He asked about the blue drawing, being careful as he touched it. Clarke wasn’t sure if he was worried about smudging it, or if it was worry about hurting her.

“That’s the view from my window.” Clarke explained, beginning to motion to different parts of her rough drawing, telling Aden about what they were meant to be, and how she drew them. Neither of them noticed Lexa pairing up the remaining nightbloods and leaving them. Neither of them noticed Titus, stood nearby and looking disapproving.

Lexa didn’t like to walk away from training. She took pride in making sure her Nightbloods were ready. But Titus had informed her that the Chancellor had called the Radio, and had stated it was an emergency. So Lexa had to go and deal with it. Given how the Chancellor was meant to be calling that night to talk to Clarke anyway, it must have been an urgent emergency.

“Chancellor Griffin?” Lexa settled herself on her throne, lifting the reciever and trying not to sound too concerned. There was a crackle through the radio, before the sound of a sigh.

“Hello, Commander.”

Clarke noticed Lexa was missing after about twenty minutes. She’d been so wrapped in her conversation with Aden, that she hadn’t actually looked up at the training grounds. But with the realisation came a flash of panic. That calmed quickly, it wasn’t unusual for Lexa to be called away to work on something, midway through another task. But still, Clarke couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. She did her best just to focus on Aden, watching him practice his staff work with the other Nightbloods. He was showing off, a cheeky grin curling his lips.

“Clarke.” Titus’ voice made Clarke jump and shrink back automatically. But she steeled herself, best she could and looked over to him. “The Commander wants to see you.” Clarke was careful as she stood, balancing herself on her crutches. She had questions, but didn’t want to direct them at Titus. Although she and the Flamekeeper hadn’t really interacted, Clarke was almost certain that he didn’t much like her, and wished for her to be anywhere but here. So their journey back to the tower and up to Lexa’s throne room was silent, bar footsteps and the click of Clarke’s crutches against the hard stone floors.

The closer to the throne room they got, the more Clarke began to worry. She’d never been summoned anywhere in Polis before. Was she being sent back to Arkadia? Had she broken some rule she hadn’t known about? Lexa was probably bored of her now, it could really only mean trouble.

Apologies ready on the tip of her tongue, Clarke stepped into the throne room, arms shaking. The door closed heavily behind her, and Clarke jumped. Her eyes zeroed in on Lexa, sat on her throne. Normally, when Clarke saw her, Lexa looked kind. Soft and gentle and protective. But now she looked tired. And angry. Clarke had never truly been afraid of Lexa before now, but as she stood before the commander on her throne, staring at the expression that marked Lexa’s face, Clarke wanted nothing more than to run. She didn’t, partly because she couldn’t. But also because she knew that if someone as powerful as Lexa was angry with her, running would only make it worse.

“Clarke, I’ve just been talking to the Chancellor,” Lexa began. She could see the fear blossoming across Clarke’s features, and wanted nothing more than to soften herself and reassure Clarke. But Lexa’s anger simmered just below the surface, and she doubted it would be going away any time soon. So Lexa did what she’d always been taught to do. She put on her professional face and dealt with this as the Commander.

“I’m sorry!” Clarke blurted the words out, still shaking with worry. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!” The words were familiar to Clarke, although it had been a long time since she’d had to actually put them to use. “I’ll be better from now on!” A promise that Clarke intended to keep. Lexa had been so good to her, not getting angry when Clarke had broken rules. If she’d managed to break one big enough to make Lexa angry, she had to be better.

“Clarke, no.” Lexa’s anger spiked again, her own arms shaking, though for entirely different reasons to Clarke. “The Chancellor called about Bellamy Blake.” His name tasted bitter in Lexa’s mouth. She knew that the Chancellor was still listening. She’d set the radio down in such a way that the button would remain pressed. She wanted something known as a ‘recording’ of Clarke hopefully admitting what Bellamy had done to her. And although Lexa disagreed with Abby not being the one to tell her, the Chancellor had been insistent that if she was present in the recording, it would be used against them. Which left the job to Lexa.

The mention of Bellamy’s name caused Clarke’s next round of apologies to die on her lips. What had happened to Bellamy? Was he hurt? Was he coming to get her? Perhaps he’d made a strong case, and she was being sent back to him. That was… surely a good thing. Bellamy loved her, didn’t he?

Realising that Clarke wasn’t reacting, and in fact seemed frozen to the spot, Lexa continued, managing to soften her tone a little. “He’s been arrested, for something he did. Something he did to you... in the forest.”

“No…” Clarke’s word was barely more than a whisper, and Lexa could see her trying to process what was going on. “It… he loved me, everything he did, because he loved me…” Clarke couldn’t quite form full sentences anymore, her brain spinning around the same few points, desperately trying to stop the flashes of memory that threatened to overwhelm her.

“What did he do, Clarke?” Lexa pressed softly, quickly standing and moving Clarke into a seat. She could see that Clarke was on the verge of collapse already. She hoped that the Chancellor was hearing this, because Lexa never wanted to see Clarke in this kind of state again. “You’re safe here, you can tell me.” They were words Lexa had used before. Last time she’d heard a tale of a Mother who should never have been granted the title. This time, she was almost certain, it was going to be worse.

Lexa was right.

It seemed that once Clarke began talking, she couldn’t stop. Although tears fell, and apologies too, she told Lexa everything. From the moment they’d landed, Clarke had been manipulated, taken advantage of, and abused. The memory of every blow, every unwelcome touch, every starving night, harsh word and threat overwhelmed Clarke, leading her to just keep talking until she had no words left. Until there were no stories left to tell. Until every sordid detail of all she’d done wrong was out in the open. Surely now Lexa wouldn’t want her around. If she’d allowed all of this to take place, if she hadn’t fought back under the guise of ‘love’, surely someone as strong as the Commander of the Thirteen Clans would want nothing more to do with her.

Clarke was wrong.

Lexa wasn’t prone to tears. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried. It had quite possibly been after Aden’s own tale, once she was alone. But this time, there was no waiting until she was alone. Almost all of her anger gave way to an ache in her chest, a pain for Clarke and all she had been through.

With her emotions exhausted, Clarke only had seven words left. And they were the hardest words she’d ever spoken, forced through a raw throat.

“Please don’t send me back to him.”

Clarke still wholly believed that Bellamy loved her, and he’d been doing what he thought was the right thing. But he’d hurt her in every way imaginable, and Clarke couldn’t go back to that. They weren’t in any real danger anymore, his control over her wasn’t needed, and she didn’t want to go back. She didn’t want to be with him anymore. Clarke wanted to stay in Polis, where she’d been safe, and cared about. Where she’d made friends, true and honest friends.

“Never.” The anger was back, along with determination. Lexa was careful as she reached out, hand hovering for a second, before coming down on Clarke’s shoulder. She did her best to try and smile through her own tears. “Your mother has already arrested him. She contacted me to ask what should be done. I want to bring him here, to stand trial. To get you justice. Are you okay with that?” Even now, Lexa was giving Clarke the choice. This was Clarke’s story, Clarke’s battle to win. If Lexa, or Abby, or anyone else for that matter, took those decisions away from her, she may never move past where she was.

Silence reigned, in the throne room. Only broken by Clarke’s occasional hiccuping sob. Lexa didn’t push. She didn’t know if the Chancellor was still on the radio, and she didn’t care. Right now, her entire focus was on Clarke. She’d wait all day for an answer, if that’s what it took.

“If…” Clarke finally started, her body no longer shaking from emotion. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks, but she had enough of her voice back to try and speak again. “If he comes here… will I have to see him?”

“Not if you don’t want to.” Lexa’s answer was instant. “If he was brought here, he’d stand trial in front of the leaders of all of the Clans. We’d listen to what he’d done, and why he did it,” For once, Lexa wasn’t going to let Clarke speak. She could see the self blame trying to re-assert itself. “And decide what should be done with him. You could sit in if you wanted, or you could hear about it at the end of each day. Or he could stay in Arkadia and Skaikru could pass judgement on him.”

The silence returned, as Clarke thought through her options. If Bellamy was brought here, she knew that Lexa would be fair. Lexa understood that Bellamy did the things he did because he loved Clarke. Her Mom had never liked Bellamy, she’d be cruel. He’d just been trying his best.

“Okay.” Clarke finally said, nodding softly. “Bring him here for trial.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you've seen the link to my [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/lesbodyke) so I'm not gonna put the whole schpiel here again.
> 
> I hope you do like my fic, and providing I keep up the new schedule I've made myself, you SHOULD be getting an update every Thursday until the fic is finished, now. (Fingers crossed everyone!)


	21. A New Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone arrives in Polis, a little early.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, two weeks in a row!
> 
> Hope y'all like this chapter!

During the week it was going to take for Abby and the Skaikru ambassadors to get to Polis, Clarke internally changed her mind about Bellamy’s trial at least once an hour. Sometimes she wanted to sit in. Sometimes she wanted to give evidence. Sometimes she wanted to run away and have nothing to do with it. And sometimes, in the dead of night, awoken from yet another nightmare, Clarke wanted to stop the whole thing. To tell her Mom to just take him home and release him. But now that she’d told Lexa everything, Clarke was beginning to realise that what had happened to her hadn’t been fair, or just, or any of the other excuses she’d given herself as to why it was okay. She couldn’t go back on her word now.

Clarke had overheard Lexa, when Lexa had thought she was asleep, talking about Bellamy. And musing whether he’d found himself a new victim, since Clarke had been removed from him. That thought frightened Clarke more than any other. It had been okay, when it was just her. She was one person. Unimportant and disposable. But he couldn’t be hurting others in Skaikru. They were all good people, important people.

The day before the Skaikru group were due to arrive, Clarke found herself feeling restless and uncomfortable. Nothing was keeping her attention properly, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find a position that she could sit in for longer than a few minutes. Heaving a sigh, Clarke lifted herself up and left her bedroom, listening to her crutches clack against the cold stone with every ‘step’.  
Clarke considered seeking out Lexa, but decided against that quickly. Lexa had been on edge all week, even though she’d been trying to hide it from Clarke. She didn’t want to pile onto Lexa’s plate even further. Especially not since Lexa now spent most nights in Clarke’s room, helping her through seemingly unending and countless nightmares.

Instead, Clarke decided to explore Polis. It felt strange to her that she was safe. Most of the people in Polis knew who she was, and those who could, spoke English with her. Those who couldn’t spoke slowly and happily repeated themselves, given Clarke’s Trigedasleng wasn’t quite fluent just yet. But she was getting there, and her walks through the town around the tower had been helping greatly.

Sometimes, when she did these walks, Clarke liked to pretend that she was a Grounder. That she’d been born here, that she was truly one of them. The pretending made her feel better, like she belonged somewhere properly. And given how, at her gentle insistence, everyone just referred to her as ‘Clarke’, rather than ‘Clarke kom Skaikru’, she was able to do her pretending with ease.

“ _ Good Morning. _ ” Clarke greeted one of the store-holders, smiling as she pulled to a stop to examine through what was lain out on the table. A chill was beginning to draw in, so Clarke had been looking at the soft furs for a few weeks, wondering how she could possibly breech the subject with Lexa. Surely even Polis had winter? Clarke had studied old earth weather and the seasons, and she felt it safe to assume that the Nuclear Winter hadn’t stopped the seasons in their tracks, once it receeded.

“ _ Good morning. _ ” The store-holder replied, distractedly. She had a toddler on her hip, and was clearly struggling to get him back into his clothing. Clarke supressed a smile, focusing down on the table to stop herself from chuckling. She’d always been fond of children, and their antics. Deciding that she’d try and talk to Lexa about a fur sometime today, Clarke thanked the store-holder and moved on, leaving her to argue with the toddler about the importance of wearing clothes.

“Hey!” The voice was unfamiliar and the hand on Clarke’s shoulder made her jump and stumble, nearly falling into the mud. “Woah, sorry!” The same voice apologised, steadying Clarke before moving into her eyesight. Octavia. Clarke recognised Bellamy’s sister and a cold dread settled in her stomach. They couldn’t be here already, could they? “Octavia,” Octavia motioned to herself, taking Clarke’s face as confusion, rather than panic. “I rode ahead of everyone else. How’ve you been?” There was a pause. “That’s a stupid question… I didn’t expect to find you out and about on your own.” Clarke finally recovered enough to find words in English.

“I’m not a prisoner.” Clarke pointed out, gripping tighter at her crutches to try and stop her hands shaking. “And I didn’t expect anyone so soon…” She added on, wondering if it would be rude to start walking back towards the tower.

Clarke needn’t have worried so much. Having seen a stranger approaching Clarke, one of the store-holders that Clarke often chatted to had summoned one of his children, and sent him running to tell someone in the tower. The Commander was already on her way, even as Clarke struggled to think of anything else to say to Octavia.

“I rode ahead.” Octavia repeated, with a shrug. In all honesty, it was guilt that had pushed her to ride harder, ride faster, and get to Polis before the others. She felt more than partly responsible for not stopping what had happened to Clarke, and she wanted the chance to make it up to her. Of course, she’d managed to fuck that up straight away, by nearly knocking Clarke over with her sudden appearance. “I didn’t mean to startle you. Just figured I’d come and say hello, since I was here.”

“Clarke!” Lexa’s voice cut through the noise of the market with ease, and Clarke relaxed just a little. She had no idea how Lexa had known that she needed her, but she was endlessly grateful that she was here. “And who might you be?” Lexa drew level with Clarke and raised an imposing eyebrow down at Octavia. Not one to ever be cowed, Octavia stood tall beneath the Commanders gaze.

“ _ I am Octavia of Skaikru. I’m here for the trial, the others are a day behind. _ ” Internally, Octavia was begging that her pronunciation was passable. According to Lincoln, she had trouble with some of the more guttaral sounds in Trigedasleng. But Octavia wanted to prove a point to the Commander. That she was an asset, and that she could help protect Clarke.

Not that she’d admit it aloud, but Lexa was impressed. She had assumed, apparently wrongly, that no one in Skaikru would bother learning Trigedasleng. Granted, her pronunciation could be better, but this Octavia had clearly been studying with someone.

“ _ Welcome to Polis, Octavia of Skaikru. Come to the Tower, and we shall speak. _ ” Lexa motioned towards the building in the middle of the Capital. Octavia nodded, managing to understand most of what Lexa had said to her. “Clarke, would you like to join us, or continue with your walk?” Lexa asked, once again leaving the choice up to Clarke. Octavia watched the two of them interact with interest. Despite how scared Clarke had seemed moments before, she now looked at ease, like she knew that she was safe.

Octavia had, of course, heard tales of the Commander. About how she was fierce, someone to be respected and feared and definitely not to be crossed. But it seemed that she was also kind, and trustable. It made sense, that Clarke had chosen the Commander to be her protector.

“I’ll come with you, if that’s alright?” Lexa nodded in agreement, and again motioned towards the tower. Clarke shifted on her crutches and began to move again, and Lexa followed, walking level with Octavia, just behind Clarke. Lexa had questions for this Octavia, but they weren’t questions she particularly wanted to ask in front of Clarke. Before this week, Clarke’s nightmares were few and far between. That, or they were ones that Clarke was able to deal with alone. But since Clarke’s confession, Lexa had been awoken sometimes two or three times in a night, to Clarke crying out, clearly wrapped in memories of the things she’d lived through. Lexa didn’t want to add to that stress by asking Octavia questions about Bellamy with Clarke within earshot. It felt cruel.

“So how have you been holding up?” Octavia had spoken, once they were within the Tower, moving through hallways, towards one of the ‘social’ rooms that Lexa knew would be empty. Lexa waited, to see how Clarke would take the question. There was a moment of tense silence, before Clarke spoke.

“Better.” She seemed to settle on. The single word made Lexa glow with pride. If Clarke felt she was ‘holding up’ (A phrase Raven had taught Lexa, during her time in Polis) better, then they were clearly doing something right.

“That’s great.” Octavia grinned, now walking level with Clarke, leaving Lexa behind them. Clarke shrugged the best she could with her crutches, but she was almost smiling. “Things are pretty much the same in Arkadia. I don’t spend much time in the compound, Lincoln and I, you remember Lincoln, right?” Clarke nodded. He’d been the first friendly Grounder, the start of them trying to make peace, rather than war. He seemed nice, based on what Clarke remembered of him. “Well we’ve been off exploring the forests. He’s the one that’s been teaching me Trigedasleng. I’m better hearing it than speaking it right now.”

“Immersion helps.” Clarke chose each word carefully. The conversation wasn’t coming as easy as it would have if she were talking to her Mom, or even Raven, but she knew she had nothing to fear. “Most people in the Tower speak English, but few in the town do. I had to learn, to be able to talk with people.” She explained. Octavia nodded.

“Well, maybe we can get some practice in while I’m here?” Octavia offered. That threw Clarke for a moment and she looked back at Lexa for a second, before answering.

“That would be nice. I’ll see if we have time.” Octavia accepted that answer with a nod and a smile. Honestly, she’d have accepted any answer that Clarke gave. The whole reason she’d tagged along, and then rode on ahead, was because she wanted to apologise to Clarke for not helping her. She wanted to make up for her brothers misdeeds.

Lexa guided them into a room that mostly just contained plush chairs. There were a few shelves of maps, but they were covered in a fine layer of dust. They wouldn’t be needed unless there was a war.

Clarke hopped her way over to a slightly over-stuffed chair that had become her favourite in this room. This was where she and Lexa came for Lexa’s reading lessons, now that Clarke was allowed out of bed. It felt comforting, and Clarke found herself beginning to relax again.

“Clarke?” Octavia was hesitating, chewing her lip slightly and almost fidgeting. Clarke felt her nerves rise as she looked to her, making sure she was aware of Lexa’s position in the room. “I uh… I wanted to apologise.” Octavia admitted. She had figured out that she probably wasn’t going to get any ‘true’ alone time with Clarke, so had decided that now was a good a time as any to apologise.

“What for?” Clarke asked with a frown. She couldn’t remember Octavia doing anything that would bring the need for an apology. In fact, they’d barely interacted before today. Octavia sighed, her shoulders seeming to deflate with the action.

“For not helping you. For not seeing what my brother wa-” Octavia was cut off by Lexa.

“Your brother?” She sounded angry, and Octavia glanced over to her, aware that this could be how she ended up in a cell alongside her brother. Unless she made herself clear.

“Yes. But I’m nothing like him, I swear. That’s why I came ahead, I wanted to make it up to you, Clarke.” Octavia turned her attention back to Clarke. “I should have seen what was going on, but I was too wrapped up in my own drama, and I’m sorry.”

There was silence for a good few minutes. Lexa was waiting to see how Clarke would respond, trying to reign her anger at Octavia back in. She seemed genuine enough, but still Lexa was having trouble accepting that Octavia had somehow not known what her own kin was doing. Finally, Clarke stood, wobbling slightly as she only lifted one crutch with her. She awkwardly hopped closer to Octavia, and extended her arm. Clarke’s heart was pounding inside of her ribs, but she believed Octavia and she wanted to prove that. Octavia examined Clarke’s outstretched arm for a moment, before reaching out and grasping her forearm gently.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Clarke pointed out, still holding Octavia’s arm. “But I forgive you anyway.”

“Do we hug now?” Octavia asked, cracking a smile. She was half serious. Clarke snorted, shaking her head.

“We’ll work up to that.” Clarke settled on, carefully releasing Octavia and wobbling back to her seat. While she didn’t blame Octavia at all, Clarke still wasn’t quite ready for people from Skaikru to touch her like that. Not yet.

“Octavia,” Lexa spoke slowly, her voice measured. She respected Clarke’s decision to extend forgiveness and was doing her best to honour it, despite her own feelings on the matter. Octavia’s head snapped round, and her fear returned. This could so easily still be the end of her. “I’m going to be busy, these next few days. Once the Trial begins, if Clarke doesn’t wish to sit in, there’ll be no one to keep her company.” Lexa glanced towards Clarke, silently checking that this was okay. Clarke nodded and Lexa turned back to Octavia. “I was hoping you’d be willing to keep Clarke company? This isn’t a time she should be alone.” Octavia released all of her breath in one gust, clearly relieved.

“I can do that. Honestly, I thought you were going to lock me up, so I’ll take that and run with it.” Octavia laughed, and even Clarke snorted, although Lexa didn’t quite see the joke.

“Please don’t run away when I’ve asked you to do something.” Lexa said with a frown, but that only made Octavia and Clarke laugh more. Certain she was now missing some kind of Skaikru joke, Lexa decided to stop talking, rolling her eyes. Still, it was nice to hear Clarke laughing. Lexa had a feeling it would be the last time she heard that sound for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, here's my [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/lesbodyke) in case you wanted to toss me some scraps haha.
> 
> Also, next week, the update will be on Friday, not Thursday, as I'm seeing my Dad on Thursday. Hope y'all aren't too upset with a day long delay!!


	22. The Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy's trial begins and Clarke surprises everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the 2 week wait. My laptop decided to die and has been off for repairs. But it's all fixed now and I'm back on schedule for a chapter a week.
> 
> It's beginning to look like you MIGHT get an extra chapter, since I messed up my plan. But I'm not sure yet!
> 
> Enjoy this, y'all!

Clarke had been avoiding the trial. It had begun two days ago, and a representative from every Clan sat in, listening to Abby, and Bellamy, and apparently a recording of all Clarke had admitted to.

At the end of every day, Lexa came to find Clarke, and she explained what had happened. Because Clarke herself wasn’t willing to speak, it was taking longer than it would have done if she’d taken the stand. But Clarke still struggled to admit all that had happened simply to herself, and was sure she couldn’t do it in front of a room full of strangers. And  _ him _ .

Instead, Clarke occupied herself with Octavia. They explored Polis, and Clarke tried to teach Octavia further Trigedasleng. Now that the initial fear of the other girl had passed, Clarke found herself enjoying Octavia’s company. And she liked to believe that Octavia enjoyed hers, as well.

On the third day, Clarke had wanted to move farther away from the town. She knew the route to the training grounds, and had guided them towards it as subtly as she could manage. Everyone in Polis knew what was going on, and Clarke was beginning to struggle with all of their sympathy. She didn’t want sympathy. She wanted to pretend that she was one of them, and that was becoming increasingly difficult. So with that option unavailable, Clarke wanted to put distance between herself and her troubles.

There were no lessons that day. In fact, Clarke was nearly certain that the Nightbloods were also sitting in on the trial. That was the only explanation she could think of as to why Aden hadn’t come to find her at all in the past few days. Normally she’d be lucky to get six hours without his little blonde head bobbing into her view. Not that she minded in the slightest, of course. But she felt the absence of him sharply. He was, for all intents and purposes, Clarke’s only friend in Polis. She didn’t really count Lexa. Lexa seemed to be more than just a friend. But Clarke couldn’t put a label on that. So, like everything else that she couldn’t directly understand, Clarke simply tried not to think about it.

Clarke sat on the same rock that she’d been sitting on the day that the Radio call from Arkadia had come and turned her world upside down. But instead of Aden flopping next to her, today it was Octavia.

“What is this place?” Octavia asked, making note of the few man-made wooden setups dotted around the clearing. She hadn’t complained about being guided here. Honestly, Octavia wouldn’t have complained, no matter what Clarke had suggested they do. Despite Clarke’s gentle and awkward insistence that she’d forgiven Octavia, Octavia herself still had guilt.

“Training ground, for the Nightbloods. One of them will be Commander one day.” Clarke explained, ignoring how her stomach twisted at the thought of that. One day, Lexa would be gone, and all of those children who had lived, eaten and laughed together would be forced to fight and kill one another, simply to decide who next would rule. Although Clarke had extra affection for Aden, she’d grown fond of all of the Nightbloods, reading them stories and teaching them things that they otherwise never would have known. She didn’t want them to have to fight one another.

“Are they the little kids that have been following me around?” Octavia questioned. She’d noticed one or two who would duck into rooms or behind drapings whenever she turned her head. According to Raven, they’d formed a protection squad around Clarke, and had followed Bellamy around when he’d been in Polis. It was likely they thought her the same kind of threat. And Octavia could hardly blame them when her own guilt was still heavy in her stomach, weighing her down and tying her to Clarke.

“Probably.” Clarke admitted, almost smiling. “They play games like that sometimes. To test their stealth.” Clarke was unaware that they weren’t playing when they were following Octavia.

“Sounds… fun.” Octavia settled on, glancing around the clearing again. Now that Clarke had said it was a training ground, Octavia could see it. She wondered if she’d get a chance to watch some of the training before she left Polis.

Silence reigned for a few minutes. Octavia wondering about Grounder training techniques, and questioning whether the Nightbloods were actually playing a game when they seemed to be following her. And Clarke’s mind spinning, landing back at the trial as she wondered how it was going. A decision was made, before Clarke opened her mouth. And yet still, the words came as a shock to her.

“Octavia? Do you think you could come with me to the court? I… I want to see what’s going on.” It seemed that Clarke’s words hadn’t just shocked herself, as Octavia blinked at her a few times.

“Are you sure?” Octavia asked, not wanting to put Clarke in a situation that would upset her. Partly because she didn’t want her upset, but also because Octavia was still more than a little afraid of the Commander and didn’t really want her angry.

“Yeah. I want to know what’s going on. Lexa tries to protect me, when she tells me what’s happening.” Clarke swallowed. “And I want to see your Brother.” Clarke couldn’t quite bring herself to say his name yet as there was still a large part of her that wanted to forgive him, because surely he  _ did _ love her. But Clarke knew better, really.

“He’s not my Brother.” There was no anger in Octavia’s words, but there was determination. “We may share parents, but he’s not my brother. I won’t be lumped in with him, not like that.”

“Sorry.” Octavia shook her head at Clarke’s apology, before standing and offering her hand down.

“Come on then. If you want to go and take a look, we’ll go. So long as you promise to leave if it gets too much for you.” Clarke took Octavia’s hand and let herself be pulled to her feet, steadying herself with her crutches.

“I promise.”

Lexa had never considered herself an angry person. Granted on occasion diplomacy wasn’t her strongest suit, but she never thought of herself as rage filled. But spending two days, and half of a third, watching this monster in the shape of a man deny every piece of evidence and act as if they were interrupting him doing something important had left Lexa feeling with no real feelings  _ other _ than anger.

Lexa could see that she wasn’t the only one affected by him. Abby’s face was stony, and Lexa had heard the Chancellor crying with Raven, during the breaks the court took. The other Clan leaders all had varying levels of anger written across them, other than Queen Nia of Azgeda, who looked rather amused. That didn’t surprise Lexa, although it didn’t help with her feelings of anger.

Scanning the onlookers, Lexa wondered whether it had been a good idea to allow the citizens to sit in. It made sense for the Nightbloods to be allowed access, and she would have been able to make an exception for Raven. It hadn’t occurred to her till just this moment, that perhaps she should have closed the door to everyone else.  
Looking through the crowd, Lexa had to hold in her shock, and her panic. Sat amongst the Grounders, was Clarke. She looked scared, and nervous, but her jaw was set. Lexa quickly looked back over at Bellamy, but it appeared he hadn’t noticed her. Or his sister, who sat beside Clarke.

Lexa was actually thankful that Bellamy wasn’t going to be speaking. Instead, it was going to be the other boy who had come with them. Abby had informed Lexa that the other boys responsible were still being rounded up in Arkadia, and escorted into cells. Skaikru themselves would deal with those boys. But the one that had been brought alongside Bellamy had been the first boy to speak out and tell the truth. Jasper Jordan. Lexa had seen him, before knowing why he was there, and hadn’t been impressed. But as he stepped up before the circle of Clan Leaders, his hands in chains, Lexa sat up a little straighter, looking him straight in the eyes.

“What do you have to say?” Lexa demanded, allowing some of her anger to escape in her harsh tone. Jasper shrank back slightly, and quickly dropped eye contact, staring at his shoes. When he didn’t answer, Lexa pressed on. “You were brought here to give your account of Bellamy’s crimes, one incident in particular. Speak, boy.”

In the stands, Octavia was certain that the circulation to her fingers had been completely cut off by Clarke’s grip. But she didn’t dare complain. Clarke seemed like she was on the brink of tears, and yet made no motion to leave. Octavia wouldn’t push. Not unless she thought that Clarke was getting distressed and refusing to leave out of stubbornness.

“I-it was a few weeks after we’d landed on the ground…” Jasper began. The sick feeling made itself at home in Octavia’s stomach. She didn’t want to hear this again. She didn’t want to think about the fact that she’d been off galavanting, enjoying herself, while this had been happening to Clarke.

Clarke herself was battling off memories as she listened to Jasper speak. She remembered that night. Before then, she’d still been fighting back. She’d defy Bellamy, even if it was only in small ways. She refused to be truly broken by him, because it was  _ just _ him. And then he’d proved that it wasn’t. And Clarke had accepted her place as nothing more than a disposable toy, only there for his amusement. No one was going to help her.

Lexa did her best not to look over at Clarke. Partly because she didn’t want to draw attention to Clarke’s presence. The last thing anyone needed was for Bellamy to become aware that his victim was within his grasp. That would turn everything ugly.  
But also because Lexa was almost certain that if she looked over and saw how much pain Clarke must be in, she might disregard this entire trial and simply end both Bellamy and Jasper right there.

“-and then I ran.” Jasper was crying, his shoulders heaving and his words coming out in between weak hiccups. Lexa hated him. She barely knew him, but she hated him and his cowardice.

“Thank you.” Lexa managed to get the words out, rather than saying what she’d have much preferred to say to him. She nodded to the guards that were lingering nearby. “Take him away.” Jasper didn’t fight the guards as they took him away. He was still crying, and Lexa still hated him.

Bellamy scoffed, not bothering to be asked to speak as he opened his mouth and continued to spit vitriol.

“He’s lying. This whole thing is bullshit, built on the lies of a whore.”

Octavia hadn’t expected Clarke to move. If she’d thought it was going to happen, she’d have pounced on Clarke to keep her in place. But she hadn’t expected it, and Clarke was on her feet and speaking before anyone had chance to react.

“The only liar in this room is you.” Clarke wasn’t sure where the words were coming from, or the strength to spit them out into the world with Bellamy so close by. Perhaps it was the fact that everyone seemed to be on her side, or the sight of him in chains. But whatever it was, Clarke had found some small nugget of courage, deep in her chest, that was expanding with every word she spoke.  
“I was afraid of you for so long, Bellamy. But I’m not anymore. And now no one has to be afraid of you ever again.” With her piece said, Clarke moved towards the door, wanting to be free of the court before her newly found courage left her. Too scared to look at the Commander, or at Bellamy, Octavia hurried after Clarke, wondering what on earth had possessed her.

Once outside, Clarke slumped against a wall, her breathing heavy.

“What the hell?” Octavia asked, once the door closed behind her. Clarke glanced up and shrugged awkwardly, clearly only just coming to terms with it herself. “Clarke that… that was amazing brave. But also monumentally stupid. What were you  _ thinking _ !?”

“I wasn’t.” Clarke admitted, face red and breathing unsteady. “I just… heard him saying those things and the next thing I knew I was on my feet… Oh god, do you think I ruined everything?” There was the panic, and Octavia moved closer, resting her hand on Clarke’s arm.

“Why don’t you wait for the Commander? The day’s nearly finished, so she’ll come and tell you what happened before we were there, and after you left.” Octavia hoped that no one would hold Clarke’s outburst against her. But given how the only justice system Octavia had ever known had killed her Mother for the crime of bringing Octavia into existence, she didn’t have the greatest hope.

Clarke nodded, straightening finally and sucking in a deep and uneven breath. Octavia was right. There was no real use worrying when it was done, and she’d know the after effects within the next few hours. That did little to stop the stone of worry from dropping further into her stomach, but it did bring her some relief from her imminent panic.

“You’re right.” Clarke said, motioning to the door with a crutch. “Come on, let’s go and get some food.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is feeling over generous/a bit rich this week, here's my [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/lesbodyke).
> 
> I hope y'all liked this chapter. Bits of it felt weird to me, but sometimes there's no stopping the characters when they decide what they want to do.


	23. Trial and Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy gets sentenced. Lexa has a revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm putting this at the beginning:  
> This chapter has been planned from the day I thought up this fic. This has ALWAYS been where it was going. And I'm so happy to have finally gotten here!

Lexa noticed the shock register on Bellamy’s face as Clarke stood up and said her piece. Pride blossomed in her chest, along with the worry that Bellamy was going to recover and say something back before Clarke managed to get free of the court. But it seemed that Clarke had truly developed speed on her crutches and was free before Bellamy could return any comments.

Hearing the mutterings from those in the stands, and the glances of the other Clan leaders, Lexa stood, drawing the attention to herself.

“I think we’ve all heard enough.” She stated firmly, refusing to look over at Bellamy. There was still the itching urge to just kill him where he sat, that Lexa had been fighting with throughout the entire trial. “I think it’s time for a sentence to be passed. Guards, take the prisoner back to his cell.” With those words spoken, Lexa turned back to the 13 clan leaders. “Chancellor Griffen, will you come with me? We shan’t be long.” She assured the other twelve. Lexa had an idea, now that it seemed that Clarke was truly seeing Bellamy for the monster he was. She was going to give her the choice.

Abby nodded, standing from her uncomfortable seat and moving to follow Lexa as they left the court room. Abby herself was slightly shaken, although immensely proud.

“They’re not going to hold that against Clarke, are they?” Abby questioned, once they were free and walking… somewhere. She wasn’t sure where the Commander was leading her.

“No. Why would they?” Lexa sounded a little confused. “We all knew that Clarke was the victim, if anything, her gaining the strength to speak out, even if unprompted, has helped.” Abby breathed a sigh of relief, feeling some of the worry leave her.

“So where are we going?” Abby asked after another few minutes, realising they were heading back towards the base of the tower.

“To find Clarke. She’s probably getting something to eat. Clarke often eats after something stressful.” Lexa had been around Clarke long enough to notice these habits. It wasn’t noticeable to anyone who wasn’t looking, but after something stressful, Clarke often asked for food, or went and found her own.

“I know that. She’s  _ my _ daughter.” Abby pointed out, annoyance flaring at someone else telling her about her child as if she were simply a stranger. Lexa didn’t apologise, or even look at Abby, leaving Abby to quietly fume to herself.

Lexa pushed open the door to the mostly empty communal dining area, and spotted Clarke and Octavia almost instantly. Octavia was engaged in some kind of story-telling, involving waving arms and large facial expressions. And Clarke was laughing. Lexa paused, for just a moment, and allowed herself a smile. Through her annoyance, Abby studied Lexa’s face. All of a sudden, Abby felt  _ very _ stupid. The commander was wearing what had to be one of the most lovesick expressions Abby had ever seen. She was unsure how she’d never noticed it before.

“Lexa! Mom!” Clarke stumbled to her feet upon noticing them, the ghost of her laughter still turning her face upwards. Octavia quickly stood too, steadying Clarke and refusing to look Lexa in the eye. “I’m sorry!” The apology came on reflex, and Lexa sighed, shaking her head as she approached.

“Don’t apologise. It was very brave.” For that moment, Lexa didn’t think of what was proper. She swept Clarke into a hug, feeling relieved when Clarke returned the affection. They’d discussed hugs, and had agreed that they were acceptable without asking every time, providing that Lexa backed off if Clarke was uncomfortable.

Octavia took a step back, drawing level with Abby and chewing her lip.

“Think I’m in trouble?” Octavia asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt the moment. Abby shook her head, still a little dumbstruck that she’d been so blind.

“Apparently it was a good thing.” There was a pause as the two Skaikru women watched Lexa release Clarke, the two talking in quiet Trigedasleng for a moment. “Do you think they know?” Abby hadn’t meant to ask the question aloud, but apparently she didn’t need to clarify, because Octavia answered.

“Clarke doesn’t.” Octavia had noticed the closeness the second she’d seen the two of them together. How Clarke automatically relaxed, and the Commander chose her positionings carefully, putting herself between Clarke and any dangers. And despite the fact that Octavia was still more than a little afraid of the Commander, she found it sweet. And hoped that the asshole who had once been her brother hadn’t destroyed Clarke to a point where she couldn’t enjoy this.

Now that Lexa was certain that Clarke was doing okay, she turned her attention back to the small group as a whole. “Octavia, thank you for your services, but I was hoping to speak to Clarke and Chancellor Griffen alone.”

“I know when I’m not wanted.” Octavia chuckled, shooting Clarke a wink, and Lexa a playful salute, before heading off to entertain herself.

Lexa motioned for Abby and Clarke to sit, thankful that Clarke and Octavia had already been in a secluded area of the dining room. Clarke was fidgeting, awkwardly picking at her cast.

“Clarke, the trial is over.” Lexa began, which caught Clarke’s attention. “Now we just need to decide what to do with him.” Clarke’s exhale shook slightly, but she didn’t look away from Lexa. “I wanted to give you the choice.”

“Choice?”

“Of what happens to him. If you don’t want to decide, that’s okay, we can take it before the other leaders and decide ourselves. But you’re the one he hurt.” Lexa was careful to avoid the word ‘victim’. “So it’s only fair for you to make the decision, if that’s what you want.”

Abby was honestly amazed. She knew that Lexa had been doing her best to give Clarke choices in every part of her life, but had never expected this. Clarke chewed on her lip, staring down at her lap and trying to think through the haze of panic.

“Will you listen to what I say?” Clarke asked quietly. “I know you hate him, Mom. But will you listen? Or will you pick something else, if you think I’m not harsh enough?” Clarke directed the question to Abby, because she already knew that Lexa would listen. Lexa  _ always _ listened.

“I’ll listen.” Abby promised, reaching to take Clarke’s hand, relieved that Clarke didn’t flinch away. “Whatever you choose, I’ll uphold it, I promise.” Clarke breathed out again, chewing her lip for another moment.

“I don’t want the other boys punished.” Clarke couldn’t look at Abby. She didn’t want to see the anger that she was  _ certain _ was growing there. “There’s too many of them, and everyone was afraid of Bellamy. Other than extra work shifts or something, I don’t want them punished.”

Abby had to restrain herself. She could feel the Commander’s eyes on her, and knew that she couldn’t go back on her promise two seconds after making it.

“Are you sure?” Abby finally asked, managing to find relatively safe words. “You can’t change your mind on this once I get back to Arkadia, Clarke.”

“I’m sure.” Despite the slight shake to her limbs, Clarke’s shoulders were set and her voice was steady. “I never really blamed them. And being rounded up and locked away while you were here is punishment enough for them. We all did horrible things when we first landed, and we were all afraid.” Clarke had been thinking about this ever since she’d admitted everything to Lexa. Despite all of the hurt she’d endured, she didn’t want to bring more suffering into the world with punishments.

There was a moment or two of silence, as Clarke steeled herself. She’d thought about Bellamy a lot too. In her angrier moments, laying in bed after yet another nightmare, she wished him dead. She imagined a thousand things that could be done to him, to make up for everything he’d done to her. But as the anger faded, and Clarke returned to herself, those thoughts made her feel sick. She wanted to be better than he ever was.

“Banish him.” The two words seemed to take all of Clarke’s strength away, and the tears started up, leaking from the corners of Clarke’s eyes. “From Skaikru. From the Clans. Send him out into the world, outside of Clan territory. If he comes back, that’s on him. But I don’t want to be responsible for his death, or any death. Not again.” Clarke shook her head, hastily wiping her eyes. She glanced up at Lexa, wiping her eyes again. “Is that okay?”

Lexa nodded, reaching into her dress and pulling out a square of cloth, handing it to Clarke. Clarke almost managed a smile as she used the rag to clean her face off, although she hadn’t quite stopped the falling tears just yet.

“If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.” Lexa assured Clarke. “We’ll escort him back to Skaikru territory, and then leave him outside of the boundary.”

“We?” Clarke asked, a little unsurely.

“I have been meaning to visit Arkadia. And this way, you can be certain that your punishment is being carried out, if that’s what you want.” Clarke thought Lexa’s words through for a moment, before nodding. “Good. Chancellor, you and I need to return to the other leaders and explain Clarke’s decision.” Lexa knew that all bar Queen Nia would happily accept the Victim’s ruling and vote to make that his punishment. So her lone voice would be overruled and easily ignored. “Clarke, will you be alright?”

“Yeah. I’ll find Octavia.” Clarke managed a watery smile, still working on stopping her tears. Lexa squeezed her shoulder once stood.

“I’ll come find you when we’re finished.” Lexa promised, near certain that Abby would want to deal with her own emotions, before seeing her daughter.

“I will too.” Abby moved around the table and squeezed Clarke into a hug, kissing her head. “I love you, Clarke.” Abby’s words were quiet, meant only for Clarke. Clarke nodded, squeezing Abby’s arm in return.

“I love you too, Mom.”

“You know,” Abby said, as she and Lexa began to walk back towards the court room. “If you hurt my daughter, I don’t care how powerful you are. I will make sure you pay for it.” Lexa blinked in confusion, aware she was being threatened but unsure as to why.

“I’ve no desire to hurt Clarke. Have I not made that obvious?”

“It’s not the only thing you’ve made obvious, Commander.”

That comment kept Lexa confused for many days. In fact, as she helped Clarke into the Jeep, alongside Raven, Lexa was still confused. What else had she made obvious? And why would Abby think she would possibly ever hurt Clarke. She’d taken Clarke on as an Ambassador to  _ protect _ her, before even knowing her. And now that she knew and cared for Clarke, she’d never do anything to hurt her.

Riding alongside Octavia, Lexa realised there was no one else she could really ask. Heaving a sigh, Lexa spurred her horse on until she was level with Octavia.

“Can I ask you something, Octavia?” Lexa felt ashamed for needing to ask, but she at least trusted that Octavia wouldn’t laugh, or tell anyone. Mostly because Lexa was aware that Octavia was still a little afraid of her.

“Uh, sure? What’s up?”

“Chancellor Griffen said something strange to me, a few days ago. I was hoping you might help me understand.” Lexa watched as Octavia visibly relaxed. Apparently the fear was still very much present in the other girl.

“What was it?”

“She told me that if I ever hurt Clarke, she’d make sure I was punished for it.” Lexa sighed. “When I pointed out that I thought I’d made it obvious that I wanted to protect Clarke, she replied with ‘That’s not all you’ve made obvious’. I was wondering if you knew what she might be talking about?” There was a pause, and then Lexa’s cheeks flared up darkly as Octavia began to laugh. Apparently her scowling expression only made her question funnier, as Octavia had to look away in order to stop laughing.

“She means it’s obvious you’re in love with Clarke.” Octavia explained, in between hiccuping laughter. “I mean, you really don’t do much to hide it. It’s kinda sweet, in an odd way.”

Not really knowing how to respond to that, to any of it, Lexa clicked her tongue and spurred her horse on faster, pushing to the front of their little procession, far away from Octavia, and the Jeep that held Clarke.

Lexa  _ wanted _ to just put it down to Skaikru having different customs. But the more Lexa thought about it, the more she realised that it was true. But Lexa was also aware how difficult her love could make things for Clarke. She was only just beginning to heal, to recover from what Bellamy had done to her, and Lexa couldn’t and wouldn’t put her feelings on Clarke like that.

By the time they made Camp that night, Lexa had made the decision to keep her feelings to herself. To be Commander is to be alone. But still, around the fire, Lexa sat next to Clarke and smiled as Clarke recounted some tale that Raven had told her in the jeep.

As the evening progressed, Clarke began to droop, clearly tired but unwilling to leave the circle of conversation. Seemingly without thinking, her head found it’s way onto Lexa’s shoulder, her eyes closing for longer and longer periods. And despite what Lexa had promised herself, she wrapped an arm around Clarke and allowed her to get comfortable. After all, it wasn’t unusual for Clarke to fall asleep pressed up against Lexa. Granted, that was normally after a nightmare, but it still wasn’t something unusual for them.

And while Octavia got settled for first watch, Lexa carefully lifted the now sleeping Clarke, and set her in their tent. Before her revelation, Lexa had insisted that she and Clarke should share one of the small tents that they would be using, since she was best suited for caling Clarke’s nightmares. No one had complained, although Lexa had caught a strange expression from Abby.

With a sigh, certain that Clarke was safely asleep in her own furs, Lexa lay on the opposite side of the tent and stared up at the canvas. It would have been better for her not to know, she now realised. Because now that she was ever so painfully aware of the feelings that curled through her chest, Lexa was worried that anything she did may come across as romantically inclined. And if Clarke figured it out like everyone else had… well, Lexa would never forgive herself if she made things more difficult.

With her thoughts spinning, Lexa struggled to drift off into a fitful sleep, hoping that with unconsciousness would come answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are almost always loved (unless you're an ass because some of you have been a bit nasty, but whatever)
> 
> Please remember my comment at the top. This has ALWAYS been where this fic was going. That was ALWAYS going to be Clarke's decision. This was a fic built on healing, not revenge. You're welcome to your opinions, of course, but I'd rather not have a thousand comments telling me you disagreed.


	24. Some Time in Arkadia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Punishments are doled out and Clarke and Lexa head back to Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so insane that I've only one chapter left on this fic! I've been working on it for two years, and I can't believe that next Thursday, it'll all be over!!
> 
> To everyone that's stuck with me, thank you for your support, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> (There's a bit of a rant in the bottom notes, so I wanted to express my gratitude up here)

Abby could see that the people in Arkadia didn’t agree with what was supposedly Lexa’s decision on what to do with the boys. They seemed to accept Bellamy’s banishment, once it was explained that if he set back on Grounder territory, he’d be killed on sight. But the forgiving of the other boys didn’t go down too well. No one really said much about it, at least not while Lexa was still in Arkadia, taking in the town that had been built out of the wreckage of the Ark. But Abby knew her people, and she saw how they avoided every boy who’d been part of the original hundred. She’d seen more than a few of the boys for black eyes and broken noses within the past few days.

Abby knew it was petty, and she should have been respecting Clarke’s wish for forgiveness, but every time one of the boys came in injured, Abby felt a little seed of gratification. The worries she’d carried for months about Clarke possibly not being believed seemed to have been baseless, and that brought a sweeping sense of relief through her.

The ‘Extra Work Duty’ she’d been given permission to give them, also worked in Abby’s favour. After all, the boys couldn’t get in trouble, or in fights, if they were working twenty hours a day. Perhaps it wasn’t the punishment that Abby had wanted to dish out, but she was rather good at extorting loopholes and finding a way to get what she wanted while also keeping her promises.

“You know,” Octavia began, sat nearby as she waited for Abby to finish patching up her ‘partner’ who may or may not have ‘tripped’ into one of their own hunter traps. “If Clarke figures out we’re basically ignoring her wishes, she’s going to be really upset.” Abby glanced over at Octavia, before shaking her head.

“We’re not, though. They’re not imprisoned, and just have extra work duty. This was an accident, after all.” Any of the boys that were partnered with Octavia suffered an accident or two. Murphy had ‘accidentally’ fallen down a rather steep hill and found himself nearly swept away by the river at the bottom. Really, the boys were so clumsy.

“True.” Octavia nodded. “Hey, can you stick him with someone else? There’s something I’ve been meaning to do.” Abby raised an unimpressed eyebrow, before sighing and waving Octavia off.

Leaving the med bay, Octavia hurried back out of Arkadia. She had her spear, and a knife, hidden in the belt of her pants. She knew he’d gotten the note she’d left, so he’d probably be waiting for her, right where she told him to. That was her Brother, never believing that Octavia could do anything. And Octavia wanted to see him.

Pulling up at the Drop-site, Octavia took her usual seat, and waited. There was a tunnel, nearby, that they’d found while they were still at war with the Grounders. It bypassed Grounder territory and popped up again in the ‘free’ land. Perfect for a safe escape, should there be an ambush. Or getting back in, should you not want to be seen.

“O!” Bellamy’s voice, that had once brought Octavia such comfort, sounded from the direction of the tunnel. Octavia stood, leaving her spear in place next to her seat. She didn’t want his guard to be up.  
“I knew you’d never betray me.” Bellamy said, sweeping her into a hug. Octavia hugged him back, despite feeling sick at the action, knowing all he’d done.

“Of course not.” Octavia lied. “You’re my brother.”

~~~

Lincoln found he rather enjoyed Clarke’s company. Clarke hadn’t expected Arkadia to effect her like it had been doing, so was often left in his care while Abby and the Commander toured the town, Abby explaining how things worked and suggesting certain things be set up in Polis as well.  
Lincoln had been granted his official pardon, allowing him to come out of hiding. Although he had no desire to return to Trikru anymore. He’d stay with Skaikru, and with Octavia.

Although, if his conversations with Clarke were anything to go by, he’d likely also be visiting Polis at some point in the near future.

He remembered Clarke when he’d first met her. By that point, Arkadia was under construction, and Clarke was firmly under Bellamy’s thumb. Not that Lincoln had known that at the time. He simply thought her slightly love-sick, and perhaps a bit too soft to survive on the ground for long. Now, Lincoln was quickly learning, she was anything but. Clarke had more strength than he’d ever expected, and he respected her for it. Their friendship was odd, given how neither wanted to talk about the obvious reasons for them being forced together, but it seemed to work.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Clarke said, standing carefully from the fallen tree they’d been sat on. Apparently her injury was almost healed and she didn’t have long left being unsteady on her feet. Most likely, by the time he went to Polis to visit (as he had already practically promised to do so), she’d be back in full health.

But for now, Clarke bounced along quite merrily on her crutches, hurrying away from Lincoln and towards the Commander, who was waiting for her. Lincoln watched her go with a smile, relaxing back further on the log. Looking up to the sky, Lincoln realised that soon, Octavia would be off work and would be coming to find him. That thought made him smile. He’d, obviously, never expected to fall in love with a girl from the sky. And yet, here he was, undeniably infatuated with Octavia.

“Lincoln, is she gone?” Octavia’s voice jolted Lincoln from his thoughts about her, and he frowned, glancing behind himself to see Octavia, hidden slightly behind a tree.

“Yes, we’re alone.” He chose not to question, at least aloud, why Octavia might be avoiding Clarke. Octavia did things for her own reasons, and she would eventually tell him, he was certain.

As Octavia stepped out from behind the tree, Lincoln realised that he didn’t need to ask at all. She was covered in blood, most of it beginning to dry and stick to her skin, her clothes, her hair. And judging by the way she was acting, and the fact that she didn’t have her kill with her, it was human.

“How much of this is yours?” Lincoln questioned, jumping to his feet and hurrying to check Octavia over. She didn’t protest, but did cut his fussing short by practically collapsing against him in a hug.

“None of it.” Octavia mumbled, allowing Lincoln the chance to relax and wrap his arms around her in return.

“What do you want me to do?” Lincoln asked after a few moments, wanting to help with whatever had gone on. If help meant them running, he’d run. If it meant lying for her, he’d lie. He’d do whatever it took to keep Octavia safe.

“The Drop site… take hi-it, take it throught the tunnel, out into the unclaimed land, and dump it.” Octavia was clearly on the brink of tears as she spoke, and it came to Lincoln all in a rush who ‘it’ must be.

“I will. Once you’re calmer, and cleaner.” He assured her, pulling out of the hug to lead her away from Arkadia and down towards the safer part of the nearby river. They likely wouldn’t be able to sneak into Arkadia at this time of day, and Lincoln knew that Octavia entering, covered in blood, would likely be questioned by anyone who saw them. And if she wanted him to dispose of the body, she didn’t want anyone to know what she’d done. So no questions asked would be the better outcome.

~~~

Clarke wanted to see Octavia before they left. Since they’d reached Arkadia, Octavia had gone back to work, and the two had barely spoken. Clarke was trying not to be hurt by that fact, but she’d honestly thought they were friends, and it was beginning to look like Octavia didn’t share her opinion.

Hugging Raven, Clarke just tried not to think about it. If Octavia didn’t think they were friends, that was okay. Clarke had plenty of friends in Polis, and she had Raven, and Lexa. She could do without Octavia. That’s what she told herself.

“Take care of yourself, Princess.” Raven patted her back. “Radio us when you’re home, so we know you got there.” Clarke knew that Raven was saying that for her Mom. She and Abby had said goodbye at breakfast. There was a lot of work to do, and Abby had been gone for nearly a month, she had to catch up.

“I will.” Clarke turned and eyed the horse she was supposed to be riding. Her mom had allowed her to ride, so long as they only walked, and someone helped Clarke on and off, since there was no one coming back with them who could drive a jeep.

“Don’t be afraid, kid. They can’t bite you when you’re on their back.” Raven pointed out, sensing Clarke’s nerves and throwing and arm around her shoulder.

“You’re barely two years older than me. Don’t call me kid.” Clarke scoffed, the joke actually making her feel calmer. She glanced over at Lexa, who was making sure that their things were secure in the cart that would follow behind them. Perhaps it wasn’t too late to ask to ride in that, instead?

“Ready?” Lexa approached them, motioning to the horse stood next to Clarke. Clarke bit her lip, looked the horse up and down, and then looked back to Lexa.

“I think so.” Clarke admitted, hopping a little closer. Lexa gave her a reassuring smile.

“I won’t let you fall.” Lexa promised, looping one of Clarke’s arms around her shoulder. “Put your good foot in the stirrup, there.” Clarke did as instructed, feeling very off balance. “Grip the reins, lean forward.” That didn’t help, but Clarke did it anyway. “On three, put all your weight on your good foot, and try and lift your leg over his back. I’ll help.” Clarke breathed out shakily, feeling this was a very bad idea. “One.” Clarke tensed, tightening her grip on the Reins. “Two.” She felt Lexa shift, ready to help, or catch her should she fall. “Three.”

Clarke did as she was instructed, pushing down and trying to swing around. The movement felt strange, and Clarke was aware that without Lexa boosting her bad leg, she never would have made it. But despite that, Clarke found herself sat in the saddle of the horse, on her first try.

“A natural.” Lexa commented, smiling proudly up at Clarke. Clarke had to look away, her cheeks burning slightly. For some reason, praise from Lexa felt different to praise from everyone else.

Clarke watched, as Lexa and Raven clasped arms, and Raven whispered something to Lexa that Clarke couldn’t quite hear. And the Lexa swung up onto her own horse, next to Clarke.

“Squeeze with your legs.” Lexa instructed, motioning to Clarke’s horse. Doing the best she could, Clarke just managed to hold in a squeak as the horse jolted forward, beginning to walk, easily keeping pace with Lexa’s own steed.

“What’s his name?” Clarke asked as they left Arkadia and started down the track to Polis.

“I don’t know, Clarke, he’s your horse.” Lexa pointed out, her lips curling into a smile. “After all, a proper emmisary should have a way to get around.” Clarke was taken aback and didn’t know how to answer, so lapsed into silence. The last thing she’d named had been her teddy bear, when she was five. And she’d simply named him ‘bear’. Clarke doubted that the same logic could be applied to her horse.

“Wait! Wait!” Clarke nearly fell from the saddle, having been shocked from her thoughts by someone shouting. There was the sound of pounding footsteps, and quickly Octavia drew level with them. Copying Lexa, Clarke pulled back on the reigns, pulling the horse to a stop. “Sorry, I didn’t realise how early you were leaving.” Octavia admitted, slightly breathless. Deciding to give them a little privacy, Lexa clicked her tongue and urged Dante onwards just a little.

“I thought you just didn’t want to see me.” Clarke admitted, chewing on her lip again and shrugging. Octavia felt a pang of guilt, but pushed through it, reaching into her coat and pulling out her knife. It was wrapped in cloth, and had been cleaned since she’d last used it, but Octavia wanted Clarke to have it. She might never know that this was the thing that Octavia had used to make up for her own ignorance of Clarke’s suffering, along with making sure no one else would suffer by the same hand, but Octavia wanted Clarke to keep it anyway. Because Octavia would know.

“Here.” Octavia pressed the wrapped weapon into Clarke’s hands. “Hopefully you’ll never have to use it, but take it.” Octavia patted Clarke’s leg twice, before stepping back and managing one of her usual cheeky grins. “I’ll come and see you soon, yeah? When Lincoln visits, maybe.”

Clarke wanted to ask about the weapon she’d been given. Even with it still wrapped in it’s cloth, she could feel the sharp edge beneath. But something told her that Octavia would just avoid the question, and it wasn’t like they had a lot of time.

“Thanks.” Clarke slid the knife into her own inner pocket, offering Octavia a smile of her own. “Sounds nice. I look forward to it.” Octavia nodded, before ducking around Clarke’s horse, putting the Commander in her sights.

“You take care of her, Commander. We’ll be checking up on you!” It was a half joke, and Octavia regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. But the Commander smiled, raising her hand in an almost wave.

“You have my word, Octavia Kom Skaikru.”

“Good.” Octavia called, before stepping back and smiling at Clarke. “Go on then. Go home. Be happy.”

“I will.” Clarke promised. And she meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to address some of the comments I got on the previous chapter, now that you've had the chance to see that just because Clarke chose forgiveness, it doesn't mean that people are getting off scott free.
> 
> Here are my points:
> 
> 1\. I have NEVER made it a secret that this fic is based on (granted a very scaled up version) of my own experiences. Yes, that includes the reason Bellamy got caught/went to trial. Yes, I went to the police. No, I didn't get justice.
> 
> 2\. This is MY fic. I wrote it for MY reasons. My reasons were healing, and forgiveness. I wasn't going to get the justice I thought (and still think) I deserve, so I changed my focus and with the help of my therapist, I am getting there. Writing this fic has helped that. I will not change my own path of healing for you, no matter how much you complain. (Also, if you want to pull the 'don't play the victim card' bullshit, may I please just remind you that this entire fic, IS MY VICTIM CARD! If you don't understand, see point 1)
> 
> 3\. As the above chapter has proven, just because the boys aren't caged/imprisoned, that doesn't mean they aren't being punished. There are more punishments than simply imprisonment. Clarke gets her wish, and they still get punished.
> 
> 4\. Did you honestly and truly think I'd let Bellamy live? Have you been reading this fic? Clarke is good at forgiveness. I'm not so good yet. I wasn't going to let him live, I just didn't want Clarke to start down a dark path when she'd been working so hard at healing.
> 
> 5\. Anonymous comments will remain off. After being called a rape apologist, an idiot, and a myriad of other names that I don't care to think of, I honestly don't trust y'all to be civil, so you can put your name to your vitriol.
> 
> 6\. Thanks for the really interesting therapy session this week. As much as you all really hurt me (And nearly drove me back to some VERY bad habits) you did actually advance my treatment because my therapist realised I didn't actually have any distress tolerance skills. So your behaviour actually did something good. That does not mean you can do it again.
> 
> 7\. Last point: Sometimes things have to be split between chapters. Y'know, like build tension? Cliffhangers? Some of you seemed to be misunderstanding and thinking the last chapter was the end of the issue. Not at all true.
> 
> To everyone that is still here, you have no idea how much I appreciate you. With every chapter I write, I feel myself getting closer to letting go of my own trauma in a healthy way. This fic has been monumentally helpful in regards to my healing process, and a few shitty people aren't going to take that from me.  
> Years from now, when I'm truly recovered, and I think back to this fic, I'm not going to remember those who sought to damage me further, and instead I'm going to think of those of you who stuck with me throughout this very difficult process.
> 
> With all that said, I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. One more to go! Excited?


	25. The End (For Now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a feast, to celebrate the anniversary of Skaikru's inclusion in the Coalition!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my dear friends, this is it. We've reached the end of this journey. It's taken a long time and a lot of energy, but here we are.  
> The sappy bit from me to you is at the bottom. And I hope you enjoy this, the final chapter of my longest fic to date.

“Clarke!” Aden was up a nearby tree, and was grinning slightly as he called her over. Tugging lightly on Peter’s reins, Clarke  guided him over to Aden’s tree. They’d made a game of it, since Clarke still wasn’t particularly confident in guiding Peter while riding him. So Aden would dash off and hide himself away in a bush or up a tree, and then call her name. And Clarke would have to find him, while on Peter’s back.

Pulling to a halt beneath the tree, Clarke grinned up at Aden. “Found you.” She called back, shaking her head. “Are you going easy on me?”

“Maybe a little.” Aden admitted, dropping down to stand next to the Horse and shrugging. “Thought you might be worried, about today.” Clarke leant down as best she could without falling, and ruffled Aden’s hair.

“I’m fine. Although we probably should head back.” Clarke held her hand down, and helped Aden up into the saddle behind her, turning Peter carefully. “Are you excited?” She asked Aden.

“Yeah. Has it really been a year? It doesn’t feel that long.” Clarke hummed in agreement, thinking back to the day she’d arrived in Polis. A year ago, to the very day. She’d been a different person then. And although Clarke knew that there were lingering traces of what she’d suffered still clogging up her system, she liked to think that she was doing better.  
“Hey Clarke?” Aden’s words snapped Clarke out of her thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you came to stay here.” Clarke felt Aden’s grip around her tighten slightly, squeezing her. “I hope you stay forever.” Clarke had no way to answer him, so instead just awkwardly patted his hand on her stomach.

The rest of their ride back to Polis was silent, Clarke still unsure how she should respond to Aden’s declaration, and Aden feeling slightly stupid for bringing it up at all. Once they were within the city limits, Aden slid off of Peter’s back and vanished off to find the other Nightbloods. Clarke continued on to the stables, her brain still focusing on what Aden had said.

“There you are!” Lexa found Clarke as she was brushing Peter off. She offered Lexa a smile, but most of her focus was still on her task. “Was Aden with you?”

“He vanished once we got back to Polis. I don’t know where.” Clarke admitted, cheeks flushing a little. “I think I embarrassed him a little. Or he embarrassed himself. I’m not sure.”

“What happened?” Lexa slipped Peter a piece of fruit she’d brought with her, before relaxing against the wall of his stable. She knew how Clarke liked to fuss over her horse, and would probably not be done grooming him for some time, unless she was pulled away.

“We were riding back, and he said he was glad I came to Polis.” Clarke’s cheeks darkened again. “And that he wanted me to stay forever. It was really sweet, but I didn’t know what I could say back!” She glanced over at Lexa, to see that the Commander was now avoiding eye contact.

_ He’s not the only one who feels like that. _ Lexa thought, before bringing her attention back to the present moment.  
“Perhaps just don’t bring it up until he does?” She suggested, having taken her own advice in regards to her feelings for Clarke. She’d squashed them down slightly and chosen to ignore them, although secretly hoped that one day Clarke might feel the same.

“I guess.” Clarke sighed, shaking her head as she finally set down the brush that she’d been using on Peter, softly patting his neck. “Is anyone here yet?”

“Octavia and Lincoln just arrived, that’s why I came to find you. Your Mom, Raven and the others are still about an hour away.” Lexa explained, reaching and taking Clarke’s hand softly, twining their fingers together. “Peter is fine, come and see your friends.”

Clarke glanced down at their joined hands, before backup to Lexa. For the past few months, Clarke had discovered that she had butterflies every time the commander touched her. She’d been avoiding thinking about it, but for once her books weren’t helping, as every mention of butterflies in them informed Clarke that there was romantic interest. And the more Clarke had thought about it, the more she realised that it was true. But the thought of being romantically linked with  _ anyone _ ever again made Clarke panic and want to bolt. Yes, she trusted Lexa more than she trusted anyone else alive, but was that enough? Was that trust enough to keep her safe, if her previous so called relationship repeated itself?

“Clarke?” Apparently Clarke had been silent and staring at their hands for quite some time, as Lexa brought her attention back to the room. Clarke’s cheeks flushed slightly and she quickly looked away, finding anywhere to look other than at Lexa.

“Sorry. Yes, I’ll go see them now.” Clarke pulled away and quickly hurried from the stable, practically sprinting away from Lexa and the confusing feelings she’d been having.

“There she is!” Octavia’s greeting was jovial, and she hurried to wrap Clarke in a tight hug, which Clarke happily returned. “Still got it?” Octavia asked, and Clarke moved one of Octavia’s hands to her hip, allowing her to feel the knife that was attached to her belt. For some reason, Octavia always asked about the knife she’d given Clarke. So Clarke had taken to carrying it everywhere, either sheathed in her boot, or tied to her belt. “Good.”

When Octavia released her, Clarke saw Lincoln awkwardly holding his arms open. Unlike Octavia, he was aware that if he simply wrapped Clarke in a hug, it probably would end badly. So he made the offer instead, and received a short, but warm, hug from Clarke.

With an apology to Lincoln, Clarke stole Octavia away, the two of them heading towards Clarke’s room. Octavia could tell that something was bothering her friend, and since Clarke didn’t have her usual protective shadow following her, Octavia assumed it had something to do with Lexa.

“So what’s bothering you, Clarke?” Octavia asked, once Clarke had built them a fire and they were settled comfortably. “And don’t lie to me, or I’ll go get Lexa to find out.” Octavia was teasing, but the fact that Clarke’s face turned a very deep shade of red at the mention of Lexa only confirmed Octavia’s suspicions.

“How did you know Lincoln was a good guy?” Clarke finally asked, knees drawn up to her chest and her focus seemingly on the crackling flames before them. Octavia hummed, trying to think of a way to explain it. She had a feeling why Clarke was asking. Given everything, Clarke probably felt that she couldn’t tell a good romantic partner from a bad one.

“Well… He didn’t try and change me. He accepted me as I am, and supported me.” Octavia smiled, thinking of Lincoln. She wasn’t sure if Grounders had a concept of marriage, but she wanted to marry him. “He kept my secrets, even though there was nothing in it for him. And I never really felt afraid around him, even though he could have easily overpowered me.” Octavia glanced over at Clarke. “Why?”

“I think… I think I’m interested in someone. But I don’t want…” Clarke trailed off shaking her head fiercely. Octavia hummed in agreement, reaching out to pat Clarke’s back lightly.

“Tell me about them? Even if I know who they are, tell me about them like I don’t.” Octavia suggested. She wanted Clarke to come to the realisation by herself, of course. But it wouldn’t hurt to lightly lead her towards the answer.

“Well…” Clarke bit her lip, trying to think of a good place to start. “I know she cares about me. She does a lot of stuff for me that she doesn’t do for anyone else. And she’s protected me since the day I met her, without asking for anything back.” Clarke was beginning to smile, thinking of all the times Lexa had come to her aid. From teaching her to build fires to being there for Clarke’s nightmares to giving her the justice that she’d wanted. “I like spending time with her, and she makes me feel like the only person in the room when she talks to me…”

“Clarke?” Octavia interrupted, seeing the goofy grin that had overtaken Clarke’s face. Clarke snapped back to reality and glanced at Octavia, chewing her lip.

“Yeah?”

“Just go kiss Lexa already.” Octavia shook her head. “She’s been head over heels for you for months. I was hoping you’d get there yourself, but I think if the two of you were just left to it, you’d both stay alone, thinking the other one isn’t interested. So go and kiss her and get it over with. And remember, if she hurts you, we’re all behind you.” Clarke’s face was flame red at this point, the flush extending all the way up to the tips of her ears, and down over her chest, staining her red.

“Right now?” Clarke asked unsurely. Octavia groaned, shaking her head and pointing to the door of Clarke’s bedroom.

“Yes. Right now. Get going!” Face still a concerningly red colour, Clarke scrambled to her feet and hurried out of the door. Was Octavia right? Was Lexa  _ really _ interested in her? Clarke hadn’t seen any signs, but then, the more Clarke thought about it, of course she wouldn’t. She hadn’t been looking for them, and instead had been actively shying away from anything that brought up her own feelings.

Clarke was questioning whether following Octavia’s advice was a good move when she slammed into Lexa, the two of them stumbling backwards a little.

“I’m sorry!” Clarke was the first to apologise, as per usual. “I should have been watching where I was going.” The redness of her face was back, partly from her previous track of thoughts, but also from walking face first straight into the person she’d been thinking of.

“It’s fine. I was coming to tell you that your Mother has arri-” Lexa didn’t get to finish her sentence. Clarke felt a surge of courage and practically launched herself at Lexa. The kiss was sloppy, and Lexa was too dumbstruck to enjoy it properly. Her eyes were wide, and just was she went to relax into it, Clarke pulled away.

Lexa went to speak again, but wasn’t given the chance as Clarke turned and raced away, leaving Lexa alone in the hallway, stunned into silence. After the moment it took for Lexa’s brain to kick back into gear, she raised two fingers to press against her lips. Her own cheeks darkened to a slight purple flush. Perhaps her feelings for Clarke weren’t so hopeless after all.

~~~

The feast was grand, and Raven had brought something known as a ‘speaker’ and was playing music that Skaikru all seemed to recognise and enjoy. Clarke was sat between Lexa and her Mother, and had been rather religiously refusing to look at Lexa. But as the music changed again, Raven came and tugged Abby away, towards the cleared area where people were dancing, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone.

“Clarke?” Lexa didn’t reach out to her, not wanting to startle Clarke too much. This probably wasn’t the best of places to be discussing something like this, and yet Lexa felt she really couldn’t wait any longer.

“Can we not talk about it?” Clarke asked, finally looking at Lexa. She was chewing her lip, and looked nervous, but not scared. Clarke was the one to initiate contact, taking Lexa’s hand and knotting their fingers together. “You held my hand like this when I first arrived here. And it made me feel safe.  _ You _ make me feel safe, Lexa. So… let’s not talk about it right now. Right now, it’s a party, and I feel safe, and happy being here with you. If you feel that too, can that just be enough for tonight?”

“It can.” Lexa agreed, squeezing Clarke’s hand. Clarke smiled, and shifted her chair a little closer to Lexa’s at the table. They sat in silence, hands intertwined, listening to the music and watching the dancers. As the song changed yet again, this time to something soft that caused couples to clasp each other close, and singletons to leave the dance space, Lexa watched Clarke’s face light up.

“This is my favourite song.” Clarke admitted, humming the melody. “I used to listen to it on the Ark, and imagine what rainbows might look like. And bluebirds.” She explained. Seeing the other dancing couples, Lexa decided it was her turn for a brave move. She stood, still holding Clarke’s hand, and motioned to the cleared space.

“Dance with me?” Clarke seemed to consider it for a moment, before standing herself.

“I’d love to.” Lexa could feel eyes on them as she led Clarke over to the clearing by the speaker, but chose to ignore them. Copying what the other couples were doing, Lexa wrapped one arm around Clarke’s neck. They remained arms length apart, but released each others hands in favour of wrapping their arms around each other. Lexa let Clarke take the lead, swaying them slowly along with the music. Watching Clarke, Lexa realised she was singing along under her breath.

The song changed, but as if someone was trying to keep them together (Someone was, given how Raven was in charge of the music), it was another slow song that allowed them to stay in their current position.

“Lexa?” Clarke wasn’t looking at her again, cheeks already flushed again. Lexa had to fight the urge to brush a thumb over the redness and feel the radiating heat.

“Yes?” Lexa checked, prepared for Clarke to say that they were done dancing, or that she wanted to leave and retire for the night. And Lexa would be okay with that, because they’d taken such great strides.

“I want to kiss you again. I know the last one wasn’t very good so-” This time it was Clarke that was cut off. Already able to hear Titus scoffing inside of her own head, Lexa kissed Clarke’s forehead softly.

“You can kiss me, if you want to.” Lexa assured her. There was a moment or two of silence, before Clarke moved with speed again, lips pressing to Lexa’s. Having been prepared for it this time, Lexa was actually able to enjoy the kiss, along with the butterflies it brought. As they pulled away, Lexa couldn’t stop the dopey smile. Especially as Clarke stepped closer and pressed herself against Lexa, using the Commander to hide her face from the world.

As Lexa glanced around, amazed at how much difference their coalition had made, she noticed a few of the attending Skaikru members exchanging various goods. It took her a moment to realise what was happening, and then felt her own face heat up slightly. They’d been betting, on herself and Clarke.

And yet, despite her anger at Skaikru, and her shock at the fact that even the Chancellor had apparently been involved, Lexa didn’t have it in her to reprimand anyone.

This was the happiest she’d been since the loss of Costia, and Lexa was almost certain that nothing could ruin that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Clarke's favourite song is 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'. Because of course it is!)
> 
> I've left many an angry rant in these end notes, throughout the fic. (And I stand by all of them!)
> 
> But now it's time for something nice.
> 
> To every reader, whether you've been here from the beginning, joined half way, or have just found this fic, from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you for being here and for taking this journey with me and Clarke.
> 
> A Special message to Mama, who helped me write this fic and kept me going when I wanted nothing more than to give up: I love you, and I'm so glad that you're in my life.
> 
> And to those who have been here since the beginning, and watched my writing style change (gods those early chapters now make me cringe!) and who stuck with me through everything: You're the reasons I keep writing. Because there are people out there who want to hear my stories, and you prove that. Thank you.
> 
> A sequel may come in the future, I do have an idea for one. But for now, this story is finished, the book is closing.
> 
> This is the end.


End file.
